The (mis)Adventures of Luther and Japan

2009-10-04T12:44:00.003+09:00

I'm home.

You missed a bit in between the end of June and my leaving. I wasn't even done teaching classes yet on that last post. I was going to write a bit the beginning of August, but then I got busy. Then I took a trip to Osaka. Then I went to the hospital.

I made it onto my flight - diarrhea and all. (I didn't think I'd be using that word in my last post.)

Well, I'm home. I've thought about Japan a little bit since being back. But mostly life has come at me day after day. I thought there'd be a break or something. I guess I was picturing it like pulling into a station, and sitting there for a moment on that little piece of diverted track while the Ltd. Express flew by, keeping on its schedule. Then in time we'd slowly pull away again, picking up speed.

I'm living with my dad's parents now, and even in their retired lives they've got things written on their calendars every day. And when you think about it, there's always meals to be eaten, laundry to be washed, bills to be paid...it's funny how much of your time is swallowed by the necessities. You're busy all day and then you get to the end and realize you didn't accomplish anything. It'd all been spent just keeping up with time, as it plodded forward, and now into the night...

Nearing

2009-06-23T23:08:00.002+09:00

I'm going to miss this place immensely when I'm gone. I could make a list of the things I'm going to miss, but I don't know how I'm going to miss it. Two years in any place is long enough to become attached, even if the time wasn't all good.

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bugs

2009-06-05T23:31:00.002+09:00

A friend posted this as his facebook message:

friend:

saw a centipede crawl under the tatami. AARGH!

Luther responded:

stomp on the tatami really hard.

There used to be a giant cockroach running across the floor in my closet - he apparently didn't get the memo about 'not being in my apartment an living at the same time' and so I immediately grabbed my laundry basket and smashed him, but I only took off part of his shell because he started flipping around and so I bashed him again, lifted up the basket and half of him was smushed and the other half was normal and then all of a sudden the normal half started running really fast and so I bashed him again, left the basket on him and then hit the bottom of the basket with my guitar stand a bunch of times. If that didn't kill him, then I'm hoping starvation will because I left the basket there and this happened last Friday.

a character study

2009-05-28T18:22:00.002+09:00

He was the type of man who, when women met him, made them seriously reconsider their current choice of partner.

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way

2009-05-28T18:20:00.001+09:00

This is how I feel life will go: I'll be brushing my teeth one morning, look in the mirror, blink, and be my dad.

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2009-05-17T21:47:00.002+09:00

I feel compelled to write something here at least, even if I can't get my head wholly around this experience.

I met a guy in my town a number of weeks ago named Chandana who is from Sri Lanka. I had seen him once before, and kind of did the double take as a biked by, so the second time I saw him I had to stop. I asked him if he spoke English, and he said no, only a tiny bit, so I struggled on in Japanese. At that time he had invited me to come to some kind of international discussion group (so I thought) and so I said of course, and we exchanged phone numbers. Well, last week didn't work out, so this week I had made a plan to meet him after going to JOY Fellowship church in Yokodai. Eri, my Japanese friend, asked if she could come too, and I said sure, and so she drove us. It was raining hard and traffic was really bad so we were a good 30 minutes late (I felt really bad) and upon arrival at the station (where we were meeting) we discovered what the plan was. Chandana was there with a Kiwi named Kevin, and his Japanese wife Misa who was waiting in the car. They were all set to head off to a Buddhist Temple. It turned out there was a problem, because the temple, while being perfectly open to "gaijin" (foreigners) onlookers and observers, did not allow Japanese people who were not members. (Or maybe they did - I didn't exactly understand the exchange, but at the very least they had to pay an expensive entrance fee, like around $25). So, we dropped Eri off at a mall and proceeded on to the Temple.

I'm used to seeing temples from the outside, the kind that are old and where priests live and do who knows what else. However, at this temple, it was very, very different. This temple is for the religion "Shinnyo-en" which is a type of Buddhism that has quite a number of followers in Japan (probably around 500 or more temples nation wide) and temples in California and a few European and Asian nations. It was founded by a lady who was born in 1912. I wasn't allowed to take any of the literature home with me, but I looked up some stuff on Wikipedia to refresh my memory. This particular sect was founded by a man and his wife, Shinjo Ito and Tomoji Ito.

The temple itself was very much like any large, modern American church. It was a new building with a couple of large parking garages as people came from as far as a 3 hour drive to attend Sunday services. The entrance way had a window to sign in guests, and the foyer was filled with shoe and coat lockers where you could leave your stuff. (Hmm...funny thing - I guess I was walking around the whole time in my socks, but I didn't realize that fact until just now because that's so normal here in Japan.) There was an information desk where I picked up a visitor's nametag, and in the basement was an eating area with several vending machines and a kitchen. We proceeded to a classroom of sorts that had chairs arranged in a way that gave some space for kneeling on the floor to chant and bow, which we all did once most people arrived. (I didn't do the bowing and chanting stuff - someone gave me a book with the English translations, so I kind of just read to see what they were doing.) They were saying a lot of mystical sounding things, and calling on the spirits of this and that, and the one-syllable golden wheel to give them insight, and some other things that weren't translated but involved lots of bowing.

I apologize if I don't give all of today's events in order because a lot happened, and I never got a succinct description of the religion, but rather pieced together a few parts based on all of my observations. On the way over in the car, Kevin was telling me about the "Mediums" (Priests who do "sesshin" which literally translated means "touch the heart") and how they stand infront of you and observe the spirits that are behind you and tell you about your life and your struggles and what you need to do to get back onto the right path. Kevin said told me that in the past he has seen spirits and totally understands that there is a spiritual realm, actually a spiritual reality and that everything physical is basically an illusion of the spiritual truth, and in Shinnyo-en he found the religion that agrees with what he has experienced. I told him I agreed - there definitely is a very active spiritual realm, and literally, the forces of good and evil are battling in a dimension that most of us don't see but are surrounded by constantly. Kevin also said he was a Christian, which was a common iteration from several of the other people I met in the Temple.

Shinnyo-en is a religion that is accepting of all religions - its purpose is harmony and to free all people through helping them to realize that Buddha lives inside of each of us and that we simply must work to push out the bad things that are dragging us down and causing us to go off the straight path, and uncloud the purity that we each have. (Or something like that.) There was one lady there who spoke (a whole story in itself) about how happy she is to have found Shinnyo-en and how she wished she had found it earlier, and how she wants everyone to know the freedom of Shinnyo-en (at which point I found it very curious that a religion that is trying to convert people would turn away non-members or at least charge them exorbitant prices). It was a little hard to understand everything because a translator was explaining to me what she was saying by throwing in her own (the translator's) opinions and explanation. It was furtherly weird because the lady kept talking about "gaijin" and how it was amazing that the "heathens" were starting to catch on to this amazing religion. There was not a small amount of ethnocentrism in her talk, which was a bit offputting at first until I started thinking, "How often do we Christians in the US talk in our churches about reaching "Africa" and having a heart for "Africa" (can you get any more ambiguous verging on the condescending than that???) and thinking about how great it is that people outside the US believe in Jesus, and how "God works in mysterious ways" in the point that people worship God in languages other than English, completely missing fact that as 21st-century Americans we are in the far-reaches of the definition of the word "Gentiles."

So anyway, it came to me acutely in this discussion, the perplexing question of just how Shinnyo-en Buddhists are able to accept all religions when they have mutually exclusive tenets. I asked this question, cutting right to the point, by saying, "How do you accept Christianity which says that there is one God and that Jesus is his son and the only way to be saved is by Jesus alone, and other religions that say there are many Gods and that Jesus was just a man. How do you reconcile those mutually exclusive beliefs?" The answer I got was that, there is one-truth and anywhere in any religion, a mutually exclusive statement or belief or tenet is simply a human invention. When I mentioned that the Bible and the Quran present mutually exclusive worldviews, I was told that the Bible is not Christianity and the Quran is not Islam.

That really confused me, because we have no other way of defining them. Once your tenets begin to deviate from the Bible, you are no longer talking about Christianity; you are now creating a new religion. It's like the Mitch Hedberg joke about the number of bedrooms in a house. "...And this is 4th bedroom. It just happens to have a refridgerator, a microwave, a sink, a guy eating cereal...oh, and there's no bed." When Christ is no longer the sole Savior and Lord, it's no longer Christianity.

I found myself sitting there really wondering how to reach these people. I realized that 99% of my experiences with sharing the gospel are with people who are either atheists, agnostics or have had some dabblings in Christianity. I really don't know where to begin talking with people who have very strong professed beliefs in a well established religion, especially a religion I know literally nothing about. (I mean, c'mon - I was wikipedia-ing it 30 minutes ago...) At least the people there are seeking truth, and I do know that some of them are hitting on part of the truth of the universe, but it's just that - they're only seeing a part. They're experiencing spirits, but what spirits is the question...it freaked me out a bit to be quite honest. I was praying, a bit scared, and was reminded by God that yes, He is everywhere, that he's promised to be with me to the end of the age, that I, Luther Flagstad have been crucified and it's no longer I that lives but Christ in me, so Christ was there, and my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, so he was there with me too.

There's quite assuredly more to tell about this whole experience and hopefully I can reconnect with people again. Chandana is not a Buddhist either, and I don't think he's anything, he's just interested in making connections of the heart with people all over the world. He was orphaned at a very early age by the (now ending) Tamil/Sri Lankan government war, and his life has been greatly shaped by the atrocities that war produce. He was explaining to everyone (I heard it through a tanslator) how he met me, and how he was attracted to my shining smile, and he knew that he had to introduce me to the people at the temple. He very much is interested in coming to my church and learning about Christianity and meeting the people there and sharing hearts together. I'm curious to see how that goes and am excited to welcome him.

Whew.

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2009-05-13T22:11:00.005+09:00

There is one theme in literature though that I do not buy into. It's the idea of having one-shot at things, that your chance at life arrives one time, that once serendipity has passed you by it's too late, and all these especially pertaining to love. That true love only comes to you once in life. I find none of this true and none of it difficult. Here's what I wrote a few days ago on a notepad while riding the train:

"Falling in love is not difficult. It is not hard to find someone to love. There is no difficulty is finding a pretty face, an infectious smile, a consuming laugh - I fall in love daily. What is difficult, what is so hard, what bears the high calling and demands one to be a man, is choosing one, and loving her above all others for the rest of your life."

This, my friends, is much, much harder than finding "true love." True love finds you, as if it were an accident, or an inevitability. Now I'm not here to say that there should be no feelings of love in the choosing. What I'm saying is, they will be there. The hard part comes in staying true through all the low-tides, through the ebbing of love, through the elusiveness of the feelings. The man who makes a choice is truly to be held in awe. Love should not sit atop our pedestal; rather, a husband should place his bride there, and cherish her in every way, even unto death, as Christ died for the church.

It is "choosing in love" that I find so compelling. I discovered this this past week while studying the first chapter of Ephesians. Paul writes, "[God] chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." (1:4-6) How amazing is it that we have a God who has chosen us? Jesus says, "You did not choose me, but I chose you..." (John 15:16) I don't have to pick the winning team, a lofty idea, or an admirable goal. God loved me and chose me, he made that decision - a decision that even took him to the grave. I can live in full assurance that I am cherished regardless of what I do, and wherever my feelings might take me. How awesome is that? It is this that allows me to love another, and especially my bride, as our relationship will be a reflection of the gospel - of the choosing in love.

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Full-circle

2009-05-13T19:52:00.003+09:00

I've come back full circle to where I was 1-year and 7-months ago. I just finished a book The Shadow of the Wind and upon the last words it put me instantly in that old mindset. I've been missing reading for quite some time now. And, finally now, my view that reading fuels writing, has solidified. I don't know precisely what it is, but maybe it's that another story accelerates our understanding of the world, of how the cogs spin and reel. Maybe it pulls all of our own experiences into place, assigning them to someone else, giving them a name, codifying them with a beauty called prose. A character in Carlos Zafon's novel writes that "...[Reading] is an intimate ritual, that a book is a mirror that offers us only what we already carry inside us, that when we read, we do it with all our heart and mind..." There were many places in that book where I had to set it down and squeeze my eyes shut, tight enough to fuel the intensity of my memories and push them out at the same time. A good story shows me the starkness of life, and climbing back out of one gives me a perspective into the world that I couldn't have approached in any other way.

I have that feeling again. That feeling I had in those first sweltering, Shizuoka months sitting on the rough concrete of the sea wall, staring at an ocean I knew nothing about. I would smoke a cigarette or two, not daring to throw the butts onto the beach out of a fear of her vastness, that if I did, in time she would come back to haunt me. A feeling that would grip me sitting on moonlit tatami, reading the final pages of a novel purchased in yen from the loft of a Japanese bookstore. It's a feeling that leaves me wandering in my own head, connecting new thoughts to realities, making me wonder how I can be different, how I should be different, how I've been irrevocably changed by the turnings in 6 inches of space.

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Home?

2009-05-06T10:56:00.002+09:00

I'm missing a place I haven't left yet.

I feel like I've already checked out of this place. Thinking back over the 21+ mo. that I've spent here, my experiences and thoughts have varied greatly. Now I'm just ready to come back. But I've still got almost 3 months to be here. I've stopped studying Japanese. Heck, I barely even speak it anymore. I spend my time talking with English speakers, reading English books, listening to English stuff online, and keeping silent. I think a lot of it is because I know I'm coming home. I know I'll be home in 3 months, so what's the use in investing a whole lot in new friendships? Or even in acquaintances? I'm about to be 6,000 miles away from here, in a different job, in a different language, and not only will I be away physically and time zone wise, but there will be every aspect of life wanting to use and fill my time - new hobbies new people, a new church. How much do I try and hang on to what I have had here?

Maybe part of my problem is that I see everything as temporary. High school was temporary, college was just a few years in Eau Claire, Japan was never going to be more than a couple years, now I'll be out in Rapid City for a year or so, then hopefully eventually I'll get into the Foreign Service, and then they'll send me to a couple different places for 2-year stints, then after that I'll still be headed to places only on assignment temporarily...it won't be until I retire that I'd be living in one place for any extended amount of time.

So people will come and people will go. I guess I've got to start learning how to make life-long friends that I don't get to see but once every few years. Or just settle for peripheral-status friends for the rest of my life. A wife and family would always be there, but how could I call them into that same lifestyle of get up and go (for decades)?

"I'm a stranger, in this land
I'm calling out to you.
I'm a stranger, in this land
Oh what am I to do."

And part of it too is I've never felt like I've settled anywhere. Maybe this is true of most people. I think for me it's that my real residence is heaven, and everything else will just feel like sleeping in a hostel on rented sheets until I get there. Maybe I've got to start seeing everyone as they are - as eternal, and that some of them I will be seeing again and others I hope to be used by God to affect their lives in the eternal way so I can see them again too. That's actually quite a bit encouraging, remembering that we're all eternal. It will ease the sting of "sayonara." I actually don't usually say goodbye, and I certainly never drag it out. If I did, it would hurt, so I just don't. Maybe I need to embrace the goodbye in the way that people say it when they know they're going to see each other again.

Siiiiiiiggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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sa sa sa BEATBOX

2009-04-30T23:37:00.001+09:00

Luther is too alive to function.

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Import store

2009-04-29T22:24:00.003+09:00

I bought a jar of pickles at the import store. I put it in the fridge to cool it down. A couple days later, I tried to open the jar, but the lid was on too tight. So I put it back. I waited another day or so and tried again. But I wasn't strong enough. So I put it back. The next week I decided to try again. I took the jar out, placed it firmly in my grip and twisted as hard as I could. The lid didn't budge. So now I decided to try something crafty. I took the end of a spoon, placed it under the lid and pushed. I heard a popping noise and the lid came off. I thought to myself, "Tools. They're what separate man, from the monkeys." I reached my hand into the jar and grabbed a hold of a pickle. But when I tried taking my hand out, it was stuck. That pickle jar was on my hand for 3 days until I bashed it against a wall and it broke off. And I thought to myself, "Walls. They're what separate man, from pickle jars."

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2009-04-16T21:38:00.003+09:00

Hmm... I just read what I posted last night - wow, I was pretty tired.

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A Real World chat

2009-04-16T02:35:00.004+09:00

Hey - this is something I haven't really done yet with this blog. I've always come on here with something in mind that I want to say, and fleshing it out with a lot of editing. But tonight, I'm just going to journal...

My mind is a million miles from here. I say a million, but really I mean 6,000. I'm not in Kambara, Japan anymore. I am sooo set on leaving, on moving on to what's next.

I love it here in Japan, don't get me wrong. I do. I want to be both places though. I like being here, but I really want to be back in America - the good ol' USA. I will be - in 4 months.

I've just got myself too over-involved. At one point I had had a lot of free time, so instead of picking up an activity or two I picked up like 7. And now I just don't want to being doing much of anything. I just want to chill out in Japan, ride my bicycle, sit on the sea wall and stare out at the ocean, write, play my guitar...and reflect - reflect because I am leaving, and I realize that. I didn't even get back to my apartment until more than 2 hours after sunset today. It's hard to miss the sun.

I stayed up until almost 5am watching episodes of "The Real World -Brooklyn" 2 nights ago. Then last night I fell asleep at 5:30pm and didn't wake up until 6 this morning. Now I'm up again still and it's almost 3... I guess watching The Real World pulled me away from Japan for a few hours. I was watching TV! And the people were speaking some language I understand! And not only that, but I was getting the social nuances - I was picking up on the consequences of their actions - I was assembling it and fitting it into a moral, social and cultural puzzle - one with which I'm familiar and care to even try to understand.

This all sounds a bit weird, even to me. I don't know what I'm writing right now, nor do I even want to try and figure it out. I've been in a TOtally different culture and silenced myself inside a language I don't understand for almost 2 years now. Seriously. Where did those 2 years go? What are they? How have I changed? What was the purpose for being here? The big purpose? What is the list of lessons I've learned? What relationships am I going to take away from this?

I fall in love every day.

I AM sick of my job. I am looking forward to not doing something where I don't have any semblance of an impact on the learning of any individual around me. Nobody really learns English in Japan, and very few even care. There's just no need for English, and the systems and methods for teaching it are broken. I'm mostly here to give Japanese people access to a "foreigner." And I get petted regularly. Apparently "foreigners" have soft hair.

Sorry, that's a bit of venting. I mostly don't have anything bad to say. But Japanese people in general are quite naive about the world around them. Very few people are interested in knowing me at all. And those who are want to know me so they can practice their English, not because they think "Luther Flagstad" is an interesting person. Heck, most people don't even know I have a last name. Or they think I'm "Mr. Rusa." (The Japanse pronunciation of Luther). I have found Japan to be, in general, quite cold.

Not to say I haven't had my prejudices and flat-out, crazy cultural experiences of my own. I need to see the world, and I'm doing it. Let's hope I haven't been too ethnocentric.

Yeah - I'm just tired (and it is 2:53 am) - I don't want to go sit at my desk tomorrow. This weekend isn't going to be much better. I teach English for my volunteer club on Friday night (7pm-10:30pm), I go hang out at a camp in Fujieda all day Saturday, I get back so I can go to church early on Sunday morning (get up at 8am), then come back for a pot luck dinner late afternoon - then I'll probably have some NAJET work or school work to get ready for the week. These things seem like they'd be fun, but when I'm only doing things I said I'd do, everything starts feeling like an obligation and nothing is fun anymore. I have to use the wee hours of the night if I want some time to just chill out, and then I'm super tired the next day. I don't even have a chance to work out anymore, and I'm supposed to be walking 100km the end of May.

I've discovered that it takes exactly 4 days (no more) for my apartment to go from spotless clean to pig-sty messy. Not that there's dirt, but just everything is everywhere. I need to learn to put things back when I take them out and use them. Hmm...that's a big life lesson I wish I had learned when I was about 9 years old. But there was always someone there to pick everything up for me, even if I was told to do it. So I never learned. It will probably take until I get married (or at least engaged) to start picking up things on a daily basis. (And if you're reading this, my future wife - yep, that's how it's going to be - and if you're reading this from the future my current wife - am I better?).

That's one of the goals for next year when I move back to the states. (no, not clean silly...) Find a wife. I will be actively seeking to get married. So I've been starting to do a lot of things about and for myself since about November to get ready to impose myself upon another human being. Let's hope she takes the whole package and says it's good enough. I'm totally ready to start moving in that direction - I'm just going to start looking, and when I find that special someone I'm going to start pursuing.

Ok, getting super tired now... (3:03).

That's about all the updates I can think of at this hour. It sums it up pretty good I guess. My mind is far from here, I've totally given up speaking Japanese (never had a friend that wanted to teach me or hang out with me in Japanese anyway), I'm sick of crawling into an empty bed night after night - I've got more to give than only I can receive, and it would be nice to stop letting that fade away into the ethereal nonsense of my apartment.

Time to do something about everything. Only 4 more months...

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2009-03-31T22:27:00.004+09:00

I had a GREAT night tonight - I almost called and canceled my Japanese lesson at Ihara-nihongo-no-kai, but decided to go instead. It turned out that this week was actually a yasumi (break) but my conversation partner Furuyasan had told me that there was. So he was there, and 2 of his friends from his old job (Furuya-san is a retired police officer) and those 2 women's high-school aged daughters. One of the girls will be attending Ihara next year. I had seen Gotenyama all lit up for hanami (cherry blossom viewing) and so suggested that we all walk over there. We ended up sitting in the jiyuseki section, having konbini snacks and chatting. Then me and the girls hiked up to the tsuribashi (suspension bridge). It was really fun just talking and joking and learning some Japanese. After, we came back to the sukoyaka center, Furuya's friends left, and he invited me over for some coffee with him and his wife. We sat under their kotatsu (warm-table - we don't have these in the states) and watched a crazy Japanese show called "taimu shoku" (time shock) where celebrities are strapped into a contraption and asked questions, and if they don't get enough right they get spun around in a 3-d "torunado." Some 56-year-old Japanese dude dressed as a woman won the game. (His name was Peter.)

I'm really starting to feel the weight of the fact that I'm leaving Japan in 4 months. There are a lot of things I wish I could stay and do, and I'm going to miss a lot when I move away.

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2009-03-24T12:44:00.002+09:00

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This is all worth it - everything I do is worth it.

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Passion

2009-03-15T21:51:00.004+09:00

It just hit me. It just clicked. It just all came together, moments ago. I have thought, for years, that I am passionless. I have told myself that I'm 80% good at everything, but not 100% good at anything. I've never found an activity that I could see myself doing every day. I have agonized over this thought for a long time, wishing there was a career, a cause, a sport, or something that I could give myself to in order to find meaning in my daily life. And now it's hit me: My passion is for Jesus Christ. I'm not talking about a career, I'm not joining the ministry, I haven't decided to enroll in seminary. I'm talking about passion - a daily living, a daily purpose, a unifying cause which rules over everything, and under which my daily life plays out.

Recently I've been learning how anything I do can be and should be done to the glory of God, and how offering my body as a living sacrifice is how I am to spiritually worship my Creator. I've been learning and hearing new things through sermons and messages from Mars Hill Church in Seattle. I've been reading good books and memorizing scripture. I've been wondering about my career, what kind of a job I should get after the JET Program, and how my calling to be a diplomat is supposed to play out practically and be satisfying. I was worried that I couldn't do it, and I was worried that I wouldn't find joy in it, if and when I got there. But tonight I was reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper, and it taken me many days and about 50 pages into the book before that book's specific message suddenly finished the picture, finally tied the last knot on the shoelace that pulled together my vehicle for purposeful motion for the rest of my life.

I've been running with shoes untied for so long, slipping and stumbling, turning my ankle and losing my purpose as it falls off behind me and I go tumbling down some God-forsaken path. The sentence in Piper's book read: "Don't coast through life without a passion." and I had been been doing this, looking for something to focus on, never being satisfied with anything, and feeling all the worse and inadequate for it.

But I see it now! The real and true something. The thing that's not a what, but a look to the whom. It's all for the praise and glory of Jesus, and in this I get the joy and the fullness of life! There are no compartments to my life, and I will not define each aspect of my life on its own merits and its own purpose. I now have the purpose, and therefore anything I do will have purpose because it's done unto Jesus. I am no longer passionless because again, the definition of passion is not found in what I do, but to whom I do it.

This is all very new to me, and I have a lot of thinking to do, and a lot of thoughts that must be mastered by this truth that I have discovered. I simply had to come on and share this tonight because it is going to absolutely revolutionise the way I see my purpose in my career, my job, my family, my hobbies and my daily life.

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Thoughts on G.K. Chesterton's "Orthodoxy"

2009-02-26T12:16:00.007+09:00

I finished reading Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton today. It's chock-full of careful ruminations that are carefully written. There are at least 30 places in the 150 page book where I stopped and had to write things down in the margin because his comments were so thought provoking. It's hard to believe this book was published 100 years ago because it is as if he is rebutting the agnostic, atheist, and "spiritualist" thinkers of today. But, as C.S. Lewis stated in Surprised by Joy and Chesterton stated himself in this publication, the truth is truthful no matter what age it was discovered in. We cannot simply assert that our ideas today are better simply because they're newer. (This fallacy is called Appeal to Novelty.) **edit** C.S. Lewis calls it "chronological snobbery" - the thought that, because it's the most current year or age, we therefore are smarter, more advanced, more logical and have it more figured out than people did in ages past.

Anyway, there's nothing that will prove that the Bible holds the truth to life, the universe and everything, but there are a lot of things that you can try and test, and if there is such a thing as Truth (with a capital "T") then it will stand up to all trials.

There are a couple of things that I would like to share here that I found relevant to me. (Hey - it's my blog!)

1. Chesterton writes in the chapter "Authority and the Adventurer": "All the real argument about religion turns on the question of whether a man who was born upside down can tell when he comes right way up. The primary paradox of Christianity is that the ordinary condition of man is not his sane or sensible condition..." Which is to say here, Christians believe we were created perfect by God. Then we rebelled (Original Sin), which brought upon us death and all kinds of bad things. Man is living today in a state we were not meant to be in; we have a perfect creator and we also have evil in our world.

As a Christian it is so difficult to argue with people about religion, and in particular Christianity, because we're starting with different assumptions. It doesn't even make any sense to argue: you can't convince somebody of the logical steps of your argument when that person isn't standing on the same staircase. So I will not argue. I have made up my mind to never argue.

I will love. I will explain. I will answer sincere questions about Jesus and the Bible and Christianity sincerely from those who are wanting to wait a moment to listen to an answer. But I will not argue. I'm 25 years old and I can't believe it took me this long to realize this necessity.

2. Earlier in the same chapter Chesterton writes: "But my own positive conviction that personal creation is more conceivable than material fate, is, I admit, in a sense, undiscussable. I will not call it a faith or an intuition, for those words are mixed up with mere emotion, it is strictly an intellectual conviction; but it is a primary intellectual conviction like the certainty of self or the good of living."

It is true that the Bible states faith is necessary for salvation. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith..." (Ephesians 2:8). Jesus says to a woman in Luke "Your faith has saved you; go in peace." (Luke 7:50). I don't think Chesterton here is denouncing the necessity of Faith. I think he's resisting the current day's definition of the word "faith." Maybe Chesterton's statement above helps us better understand Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

I, too, have been blessed with a rock-solid faith insomuch as I am convinced that the Bible is true, that man is sinful and damnable, and that grace through Jesus is our only hope. I've known this as long as I've been able to know. However, I have not always reacted to this knowledge with obedience, to my salvation with good works, and that is my great sin. To be blessed with such conviction, yet to flail about in a cesspool of profligateness.... I shudder to think what will happen if I'm still living that way in equal measure on the day I fall into the hands of the Living God. This is a completely different discussion, but one I am quite happy to talk about because I have seen Jesus changing me in revolutionary ways since this past November 1st.

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I am not alone

2009-02-26T12:13:00.001+09:00

This morning, chocolate tasted like chocolate again. I stood in that moment and sighed, before opening my door to the world.

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2009-02-24T09:47:00.002+09:00

I've forgotten what warm weather feels like.

It doesn't get as cold here as Minnesota, but my school and my apartment don't have insulated walls, and my school isn't heated. The offices have air-conditioner like heaters, but none of the classrooms has any sort of heat. It hangs around in the 40s while we teach in the wintertime, and sometimes drops down low enough to see your breath inside the classroom. It's quite terrible. You may say, "Well, 100 years ago most school houses in Minnesota didn't have electricity. They toughed it out." No, they had stoves. Kids lit a fire in the classroom each morning so that they could concentrate on their studies. We have the irony of a "modern" building that isn't heated, and being "modern" won't allow for fires being lit in the center of the room. I really don't know how students are expected to perform to their full potential when the only word I hear from them during an entire lesson is "Samui!" - "Cold!" Kids huddle together before class starts and fight over the seat in the sun.

My apartment also has an air-conditioner heater thingy, but it's only in 1 of my 5 rooms, and about 3 minutes after I turn it off it's cold again because my walls are so thin and I have 3 huge sliding glass doors. The only 2 places I'm ever warm is in the shower and in my bed. And people wonder why they lose motivation during the wintertime.

I'm not super-upset about this, and you might think it's complaining, but for the most part I've grown used to it. (There are so many things you have to just shrug your shoulders at when living in a different country and culture, hoo, believe me...or in the case of cold "hunch" your shoulders...) The winter can't last forever, but it's lasted long enough now to the point where I can picture myself wearing a T-shirt, but I can't picture myself being comfortable while wearing one. I really miss being comfortable and relaxed and warm...

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2/22

2009-02-22T20:37:00.001+09:00

Jesus is really changing me, it's amazing!

Update

2009-02-21T22:19:00.002+09:00

I'm sorry I've been bad about writing here over the past month+. The truth is, I've been going through a lot of changes, and doing a lot more writing in my journal. (And I've picked up reading again.)

Things are going really great. And I tend to not write as much when things are great.

The novel experiences have begun to wear off. That's not to say crazy stuff doesn't keep happening to me, I can assure you, I've many a time waited for clocks to start floating around me, having just fallen down the rabbit hole. But I'm seeing these events as inherent to my time here -- no -- my life here. (Just today I was reminded by a friend that this too is real life!)

Most of my changes are God-centered. I've discovered repentance. I've discovered the joy of getting to go back and do it right this time, of receiving the freedom from Christ to pursue what's "true...noble...right...pure...lovely...admirable...excellent...and praiseworthy." I'm truly very happy here with my little plot of life I'm living in Japan because I have a living God who loves me, who has kept no good thing from me, and because I have a lot of hope for the future - encouraged by the promise of my good and fruitful efforts now leading to affirmation on the day of judgment. "I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me...", the father having taken Christ's life for mine, and the power of grace having spurred me on will say, "Well done good and faithful servant." This is certainly the steady assurance I have in everything.

And, there are a lot of things to be worked on. My character must change. My obedience must align with Jesus'. I must hide the Word deep in my heart. I must take note of my Bible, pick it up, and investigate. I must consistently maintain my prayer life. All of these things with the hope that they pour over into the practical, into the visible realm where others "will take notice and praise my father in heaven." This is by far the most difficult part because I'm selfish and self-serving. I heard something from Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill Church) today that made me write the following:

Why would I ever exchange perfection for failure, wholeness for the broken, the Object of joy for objects of frustration? Why would I EVER exchange Jesus for myself - honoring my slovenly ways as more urgent than His rich promises? Yet I do this every day. I'm trying to do it less.

That's where I'm at.

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A Flight Log

2009-01-15T20:39:00.002+09:00

Written in flight on my way to the US from Japan. Dec. 15, 2008....

Now I remember why I don't like Northwest. I had this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind when I saw that Northwest logo next to the online cheapest price - that NWA with the red arrow staring back - sort of like coaxing you onward but at the same time screaming STOP!

I'm about a third of the way into my flight and it's been all fairly comfortable and all - luckily my year and a half in Japan has made me quite accustomed to hanging out in cramped places for long periods of time. I think this realization came on with that nostalgic 1970s in-flight atmosphere only a northwest 747-400 can provide. When I flew into Japan well over a year ago with AA, each seat had its own personal screen and you could choose to watch 1 of several movies starting every 20 min. or so. (Last winter when I flew the movies would even start as soon as you selected them). Not on this flight though. I'm almost in a corner so I have a sharp angled view of 3 screens, each with their own unique malfunctions. The projection screen is one with the 3 separate colors shining from 3 angles. Except the colors aren't exactly lined up. Now I know this is Christmas time, but do I have to see Merrel Streep dancing and singing in Red and Green AND Blue? Op - and she just jumped off the dock in all her clothes. I looked up in the booklet to see what movies would be playing on this flight: "For those lucky souls traveling from Tokyo to Minneapolis we will be showing Mamma Mia! and The Women." I'm not sure who did the customer analysis for NW, but it surprises me that they get mostly middle-aged ladies on this leg of the journey. The second tv nearest me is overplaying the red on the right of the screen, so anyone appearing on that side looks like they have a terrible sunburn. And judging by the size of the third one, I'm pretty sure it's somebody's ipod stuck up on the wall so that they can watch it without holding it.

I just got back from the broom-closet bathroom and found it fully "manual." I even had to drain the sink by pushing on a lever that lifted the plug in the bottom.

Probably one of the more sadder moments already came (I hope) when a young girl 2 rows in front of me called the flight attendant over with the problem that her seat wouldn't go back any further, only to be told that was all the further her seat went. The seats truly recline to an almost negligable angle. I don't know why they ever bother telling people to return their seats "to the upright position." EVERY position is an upright position. It kind of makes the preflight comfort literature laughable. I read it all trying to kill our taxiing time. Dr. so-and-so was going on and on about back stress and how you should keep your seat at the optimal 135-degree angle for your spine during the flight. I'd be lucky if my seat could break 93. (Uh oh, turbulence...I'll just pretend I'm in a non-reclining massage chair. A 160-dollar-an-hour massage chair...*sob*).

Speaking of adjusting - there was also a nice 1970s-esque video that had advice for adapting/getting used to the new time zone. I had no idea it was so simple, but aparantly there's just 3 things you need to do: 1) "Spend time outdoors everyday." Ok. This is the flight to Minneapolis in the dead of winter. The estimated landing temperature is -15. My entire outdoor time this vacation is labeled "neccessary transit only" and that whole time I'm reassessing ways to get to the next indoor place quicker. 2) "Drink plenty of fluids." ... and fluids do what for adjusting to the fact that the sun will be coming up at my dinner time? 3) This one was the gem. The words appeared one by one on the screen: "Take...Time...For...YOURSELF." Take time and make it your slave! The clock says 3 in the morning. NOPE! This is LUNCHTIME! "I know that clock says I'm supposed to be at the Christmas Party right now, but I'm taking time for myself! I'm going fishing!

Well, I'm picking this journal up again while we're landing here to help me take my mind off my popping ears. It's been a loooong flight, but at least I could lean a bit on the empty seat next to me and sleep some. At any rate, despite the ups and downs (literally) I know I got a better deal on this Northwest flight than all those passengers around me because I farted the entire 6,000 miles home and I can't smell.

So long to Northwest for now; however, with my long distance locked into their frequent flyer program, it might not be too long until I'm coaxed back by that arrow, albeit red, for another adventure.

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Musing

2009-01-06T16:18:00.003+09:00

The days are getting longer every day, and I love it. I can slip out of this office at 4:15 with enough time to see the sun before he falls behind the hills of Yui.

I have another musing - what is the balance between the vanity and ego that has allowed so many great men and women to do so much good in the world, and sinful arrogance? At what point does loving oneself turn into self-love? Should this even be a concern of mine? I've always been really hard on myself - held an anti-vanity - even in the face of real success. But maybe that too is selfishness, disguised in my self-effacing. Yes, I'm commanded to love myself. I've just always been afraid that in allowing myself to reach the limits of my high expectations I would somehow be reveling in self glory, puffed full of pride. Maybe it's time to start expecting to reach my expectations.

I think the fall comes in where you give the credit. Who allows me the privilege to think? To do? To navigate complex social constructs? Or to even breathe? And I've been asked to do a lot. I've been given a lot and assembled with a lot of potential and maybe it would be a sin to not reach it. Objectively, I have everything it takes to do anything. I just lack the drive and discipline. Maybe that's what this all comes down to. Maybe I'm disguising the hard work of great men with their ego, using that created cause so I can better attack it with my arguments in order to feel better about my own mediocrity, not daring to rise above timidity and slightness.

I need discipline.

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Things I will miss

2009-01-05T14:41:00.000+09:00

I ate lunch on a whale today.

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Land Ho

2009-01-05T08:57:00.001+09:00

I’ve been at my desk an hour now and I’ve managed to wade through the pile of papers left on my desk, submit my attendance sheet for the month of December and pass out my omiyage to everyone’s desk. I have 4 days here before classes start for me. I still have to figure out exactly what I’m doing for my classes this term, so I’m going to need the days to figure that out.

I got home 2 nights ago, but it certainly hasn’t felt that long. I spent most of the trip from the plane to my apartment in a blurry delusion with one eye asleep and the other cutting in and out to check the station names for my transfers. I’m not exactly sure how I got home. I do remember clearly arriving at the airport and seeing the sign that in English said “Welcome to Japan” but underneath it in Japanese it said, “Welcome Home.” This is such a perfect representation of the dyadic feelings I have as both an American and a man who lives in Japan.

The hours after that were spent passed out on my bed. I woke up on Sunday with enough time to throw away molding food, wash laundry (I tried running the water first to get rid of any rust and in doing so disconnected the hose without turning off the water so it sprayed my entire bathroom and I had to run fans for several hours to dry it out), hike the half a block to my view of the ocean (and smacked my knee super hard on a bolt sticking out of the barrier and almost threw up because it hurt so bad) before heading to the Sano-san’s poruche ramen for dinner. I biked there to keep my knee from locking up – it was becoming quite swollen. I felt kind of bad about not coming for so long. I think Mr. Sano was a little distant because of the elapsed time. I said “hisashiburi” and he responded with a phrase that he explained meant longer than “it’s been a long time.” His grandchildren were there so it was nice to see them. His newest grandkid, a boy named Yuuki now a year and a half old, was wearing a shirt that said in English, “Friendship transcends national borders.” I thought this was so appropriate and a real sign that I should be spending more time at the Sano-sans. I think I might go every Sunday evening.

I biked across the road to the drug store after dinner to buy some ibuprofen for my knee. I was walking very slowly in the store. I was able to say and spell “ibuprofen” for the pharmacist and he recognized it with the Japanese pronunciation so I got a small package for about five-dollars. I was quite surprised to meet the girl working the register – she’s probably the prettiest Japanese girl I’ve ever met, and she even has really nice teeth. (A funny thing to say maybe, but you can’t take that for granted here. It’s unfortunately such a limiting factor with Japanese women…) I talked with her in my terrible broken Japanese and she was still smiling after 10 min. so I think she liked me. Her name is Yumi (You-me) and she lives right next to Ihara High School. We were interrupted a couple of times by other customers so I eventually said, “Ah, that’s right, you have a job.” She told me to come back and see her. I said sure, and she said anytime would be fine. I told her I’d make sure to injure myself again so I could come back.

This year (and anytime) is going to be a year that needs structure. I also have already made myself a calendar with dinners to be cooked each night of the week, a room in the house to be cleaned, and an evening activity. I really do not want these 7 months to go to waste. I don’t want a day to go to waste. I have so much to do and so many reasons to be happy here in Japan. I’m going to focus on very concrete ways of keeping myself occupied.

Well, now really should be work time. I’m keeping my work life and play life as far apart as east and west. That way I can hit it hard when I arrive “home.”

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Untitled

2008-12-23T16:16:00.000+09:00

Life, love, and cliches.

You have a choice

2008-12-09T22:24:00.002+09:00

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Which do you love better?

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Something good

2008-12-09T21:12:00.004+09:00

Here's the opening monologue to the movie Hitch - I liked it. So I memorized it.

Basic principles: No woman wakes up saying: "Gosh, I hope I don't get

swept off my feet today." Now, she might say, "This is a really bad time for me." Or something like, "I just need some space." Or my personal favorite: "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? Because she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying. It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. She may be into her career... but what she's really saying is, "Get away from me now." Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid." Well, which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal. Body language. 30% is your tone. So that means that 90% of what you're saying... ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's gonna lie to you - She's a nice person, she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings. What else is she gonna say? She doesn't even know you. Yet.

Basic principles: No matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.

Of course, the spice of life will only get you so far. It's the garnish, it's the aroma - the spark, the rush, the stomach love.....but it's got to be based on something. Something stable and solid, something that pays the bills and does the laundry - cuts the grass and does the dishes.....speaking of which.....I better put this thing down.

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Awesome Pictures

2008-12-08T22:03:00.006+09:00

That's a hulluva potato. I'd like to see that sliced and tempura-ed.

And this next one is over a year old - It was on the front page of the BBC News Website and it made me burst out laughing - it was right after one of Chavez' crazy schemes got voted down by his own people:

"Grrr...Chavez Angryyy...."

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はっきり見れる

2008-12-07T21:42:00.003+09:00

This is the most clearly I have seen since coming to Japan. I wrote a blog quite some time ago titled "tearing" which was about my identity and feeling torn between the place where my mind dwelt and the space that my body occupied. It has been very difficult for me having come to a totally new place for really the first time in my life. I was so comfortably situated in my mid-west, Scandinavian, middle-class American life back home. I wasn't willfully ignorant but I was a bit naive - I wasn't arrogant but I was a bit ethnocentric - I meant no ill-will but I certainly committed a sin of omission in letting the world lie, unopened and unexplored.

It's been a real struggle for me in beginning to view the world as "we" rather than "them." And a lot of it has to do with my own identity. I am finally, finally starting to see myself as a whole person - dynamic and whole. I used to have trouble picturing myself since I saw my two worlds as mutually exclusive places - here, and there. But now, slowly, the light from this world has grown, stretched concentrically all the way to where I find it touching and joining the light of my previous known world and I see: I live on one globe and that globe is called "The World." I am very comfortable being Luther and being here and surviving and now thriving.

Some of it has to do with language. I have found that, the more Japanese language I learn, the smarter Japanese people get. It was so easy to fall into the trap of simplifying a thing to meet the level at which I could understand. With every little bit of Japanese I learn, a bit more of the Japanese psyche emerges - everyone's personality is pumped up, everyone's humanity becomes that more apparent. It's horrible to admit, but it's taken me a long time to recognize Japanese people as fully functioning, thinking breathing feeling humans...it was so easy to see myself thinking and operating outside of (again) what I found to be their simple world. I knew it was not simple, of course. But I couldn't feel it.

I took the 日本語能力試験三級 (nihongo nouryoku shiken san kyuu) ((Japanese Language Proficiency Test - Level 3)) today. There are 4 levels with 1 being the most difficult. Level 3 isn't supposed to be that difficult - I think they say you can pass it with about 300 hours of studying - but it also doesn't do a whole lot for you other than give you bragging rights. Passing Level 2 or 1 can get you various jobs in Japan. Even so, I probably failed. I didn't take my grammar studies seriously enough these past few months.

But this test was a great experience. It was a humbling experience (it showed me all the stuff I still don't know) but at the same time it was a great motivator to study harder. If I can just master all the vocabulary and the grammar at the 3rd-level, I should in theory be able to operate in Japan on a daily basis. So this is my goal. The test won't be offered again until next December, but by that time, I should be ready to take level 2.

If I study for 2 hours every day between now and then. That's the suggested amount anyway.

I've never latched on to anything long term in my life. I've always had such varied interests and I've always dabbled. Now here's a chance to grab on to something sooo practical and honestly engaging. I'm pretty sure I'm coming home in August. But that means 7 1/2 more months in Japan. Why be satisfied where I'm at? I have the incredible opportunity to come away from the JET experience with a workable second language. It would be so もったいない (mottainai) ((wasteful)) to move back to the States without one.

Things are good right now and I think getting better. I had a really difficult September and October, but November has seen me on the up and up, and I should share some of why with you sometime. For now I'm bent on living in the moment. I have a history of over-analyzing to the point where analysis turns into paralysis and I'm no longer effective. I'm only thinking about the future without doing anything in the present. I have a lot of high-mined ideas about where and how I should go, but I don't get out of bed. Living in the moment overcomes this. Of course I have goals - I have the ultimate goal to love and serve God and love others - I have the long term goal of becoming a diplomat or finding and pursuing a woman to love - I have the mid-term goals of finishing my time in Japan or finding a job in Rapid City - I have my short term goals of class schedules and lesson-writing - I even have daily goals in a way of doing dishes, laundry, eating food, and this list could go on and on and that's the point and that's why I never get moving because I never stop planning or thinking about how things should or could be. So I set this down, and push it aside, and walk forward. And I push it aside when it rushes back to trip my step. And I push it aside to clear my head for the now - the sudden, immediate, incredible opportunity of now.

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Some more Apologetics

2008-11-25T18:06:00.002+09:00

Question posed to Dinesh D'Souza:

"You maintain that the Big Bang must have had a cause, as you've been going on and on, however this in effect created the universe that is grounded in such rules as cause and effect. Yet at the same time you also maintain that as humans we are creatures of free will and choice and are therefore exempt from this universal canon of cause and effect. Doesn't that strike you as a gross inconsistency at best?"

Response from D'Souza:

"On the contrary it is completely consistent with my supposition, well hypothesis, let's call it a hypothesis, that a discretionary God who did not have to make the universe, the universe was not created out of necessity, it was created out of free--at least this is the Christian view--out of free will. We are created in the image of God which means that to some degree we have some resemblance to God, in what way? In what resemblance? God's not a material thing, there's no Christian tradition going back to the beginning that holds God be material, God is spiritual. So we don't resemble God in our material frame. That's why I have no problem with the theory of Evolution. Because I believe the material frame of man can be adequately explained by evolution, but I maintain that man also has a moral and a spiritual dimension. And while evolution has made pretty good headway in explaining what could be called 'low-altruism' -- I scratch your back you scratch my back -- or, the mother jumps in the burning car because 'wait a minute, her children happen to share her genes -- that's why she's doing it, disguised selfishness.' This is all very clever. But frankly, it doesn't go very far. It accounts for about 10 percent of morality. If you get up and give your bus seat to a stranger, you know, Richard Dawkins may come and go, 'Well that was a really cunning move - you're hoping the old lady will give you her seat next week.' No, you're just doing it because you're a nice guy. Or you give blood, or Mother Theresa, or 'Give me liberty or give me death.' There are lots of people who do things for strangers where they have no even disguised benefit. And I think evolution hasn't given a very plausible, it's given some implausible accounts of this, but it hasn't really accounted for morality. And I think that many people would admit that."

This debate is getting me fired up about going back to my notebook to finish blogging the notes I took about Dawkins' God Delusion. I'll have to go back and read what I've written so far and go from there.

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Some Apologetics

2008-11-25T16:47:00.004+09:00

Here is a quotation from Dinesh D'Souza (Christian Apologist) during a debate with Daniel Dennett (Philosopher and Atheist). D'Souza here is responding to the idea of "materialist morality" which says that everything can be reduced down to the movement of atoms, and that even our morality is determined by the physical world.

"Why would anyone be attracted to a metaphysics, that ultimately denies, if you will, half of our humanity? The whole subjective dimension, the whole moral dimension? I want to suggest that ultimately atheism is not so much an intellectual revolt, because think about it, when it comes to God I would agree that I don't know that God exists, I believe that he does. Now knowledge is not the same thing as belief. I wouldn't say I believe in my brother. I know the guy. You only believe when you don't know. So here's the difference. I don't know, and still I believe. Dan doesn't know, and therefore he doesn't believe. What unites us is both of us don't know. We're actually both ignorant. The only difference is, Dan thinks he's a 'champion of reason and I'm a champion of blind faith.' No! We are both reasoning in the dark. The only difference is he won't admit it."

It's not reasonable to hold debates between Theists and Atheists unless they both first agree that both sides have made conscious decisions to believe something. (Which are hopefully based on observations, facts and experiences.)

Unfortunately Dan Barker didn't do this when he came and spoke at UW - Eau Claire, and it severely cut into his credibility among thinking Christians and Atheists on campus alike.

You can find this debate in its full here. I of course only highlighted one individual point. There is much more background to this statement as well as an elaboration in the video. This quotation came in part 6.

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Pictures

2008-10-23T22:09:00.001+09:00

Purple Flowers

Random Summer Pictures

Random Summer Pictures II

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2008-10-23T21:29:00.002+09:00

I'm finally feeling better about the Japan thing. I knew I would start the climb back up the culture shock curve at some point, I just wasn't sure when.

I think what did it was getting the chance to talk to talk to several other JETs at the practice day for Mid-Year Seminar. Almost every single Shizuoka JET who is in their second year or longer was together on Tuesday. I took some pictures because we are so rarely together, and I haven't seen some of those people since last years' MYS. I got to talk to so many people about what I was thinking about Japan and being an ALT and recontracting and my school...it was great to get to run some things through out loud and to hear from other people how they were doing.

That played a big part. And talking to someone who was real and not having to fake something for appearances, or worry about how I was going to come across.

And a big part of it was a simple reminder from my friend Will that my faith is strong enough for me to stand on. I was on my knees yesterday morning before rushing off to school giving it all up and asking God to cover all of my needs.

I was actually relaxed at work for the day. I read articles about Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz. Today I read a bunch of my Politics of U.S. Foreign Policy textbook. Gotta be well read for that FSOT. (And I finished Airframe by Michael Crichton tonight...not quite sure how that helped...)

So yes, I'm feeling much better. I feel ready again to take on the world. I got 7 1/2 weeks now until I'm on a plane back home and before then I got a long weekend in Tokyo, 2 days in Kakegawa, a longer weekend in Tokyo, a long weekend in Hiroshima, and 5 days in Nagasaki. The rest of the time is just filler.

It will be interesting to go back on all these blogs and plot the culture shock curve. Or the "missing home" curve. Or the "Luther's feeling sorry for himself" curve. Or the "lonely" curve. The loneliness hasn't left necessarily, I'm just ok with it. It's not like I've isolated myself - sometimes it's possible to be alone even when you're surrounded by lots of people.

Well, hopefully I can come up with some good stories for you. I should at least write down a list of story starters - some "1-liner ignition." I have a million things to tell you, and most of them will come up in moments ignited by asides; not finding any towels in a public bathroom, passing by a tree in bloom, the smell of fish in the air, students in uniform or the sound of a crossing signal. Anything could start them off. I want to hold on to moments though and call them back to you at anytime. Not that you want to know, but I know, I don't want to forget.

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Lyrics

2008-10-20T13:41:00.000+09:00

Ingrid Michaelson - Far Away

I will live my life as a lobsterman's wife on an island in the blue bay.
He will take care of me, he will smell like the sea,
And close to my heart he'll always stay.

I will bear three girls all with strawberry curls, little Ella and
Nelly and Faye.
While I'm combing their hair, I will catch his warm stare
On our island in the blue bay.

Far away far away, I want to go far away.
To a new life on a new shore line.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another island, in another life.

There's a boy next to me and he never will be anything but a boy at the bar.
And I think he's the tops, he's where everything stops.
How I love to love him from afar.

When he walks right pass me then I finally see on this bar stool I can't stay.
So I'm taking my frown to a far distant town
On an island in the blue bay.

Far away far away, I want to go far away.
To a new life on a new shore line.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another island, in another life.

I want to go far away.
Away away, I want to go far away, away, away
I want to go far away, far away.

Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another life, to another life.
To another shore line
In another life.

A gone day

2008-10-16T17:36:00.003+09:00

People say to me, "Good Morning" on my way to work and "Good Evening" when I'm on my way home.

I think the reason why Japanese people bow to each other instead of shaking hands is because they don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom. And I mean ladies and gentlemen, #1 and #2. It's really disgusting. It baffles me and grosses me out every time I'm in the bathroom washing my hands and someone comes out of a stall and just walks right back into the teachers room. And I know that's guys and girls because the little girls' room is inside the men's bathroom. Most public places don't have soap and I know 99.9% of the population doesn't carry a pump-style bottle of dial in their pocket. We at least have soap at school - the nurse started an initiative several months back to put soap by the sinks - but I don't think the bottle has even needed to be refilled yet due to infrequent use. And I've even seen the nurse walk out of the bathroom without washing her hands.

I seriously considered playing hooky today. It was sooo nice out. And the sun was already below the horizon on my bike ride home. It's testing week so I had no classes today. I get to sit at my desk and let my mind wander... Like that book about an ALT, Tonoharu. I still hear it in my mother's voice as she read the first few pages to me over skype. She sent it to me later. It's pretty gosh-darn, dead on accurate. CLAIR should buy a copy for every JET participant and send it to them before they arrive.

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2008-10-16T13:42:00.003+09:00

On a clear day in Kambara you can see Fujisan thrusting high into the air, immense on the horizon. I often see just the top of Mt. Fuji over the various hills and factories that inhabit my town. But biking over on the river side I can see all of Fuji - from my feet all the way to its snow dusted top. Today I was biking to lunch and looking at the horizon where there was a wall of cumulus clouds in the North and East. It wasn't a high wall, but it was enough to completely cover the mountain. It was then that I suddenly realized how big the sky is. Here I'd been contemplating the immensity of Fuji, only to find it masked by a thin stretch of clouds covering only a fraction of the sky. I looked up and saw a brilliant blue. (Blue? That is definitely the color I would choose to paint the sky if I were a surrealist.) And then I looked around at the different shades as sky faded towards horizon. The sky is huge! I mean, you can't even see it all if you keep your eyes in one place.

I definitely want to come home. I'm really glad I booked a ticket to come back for 19 days in December. But I want to be back for good. I'm homesick. Probably the most homesick I've been since I've been in Japan. I am having fun here and there's no way I would break contract and come home - there's too many things I need to see and do still while I'm over here. But I know that I don't want to be here as an ALT forever. This is just a temporary thing. I'm ready to move on to the next phase in my life.

And I'd like to be able to do the hobbies I enjoyed back home: playing catch with a football, playing disc golf, lifting weights, not being 30 minutes to an hour-and-a-half commute from friends. And I'd like to be able to communicate with unlimited possibility with the people around me. I'm so hampered by my situation. When I get home I'm going to be talking silly to just about everyone.

.

words

2008-10-08T00:52:00.002+09:00

"I'm walking with something sharp in my shoe, smokin' like I always do."

Is there anything better than rain on your roof?

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Later

2008-10-04T18:41:00.005+09:00

Men who age. Women who strut their stuff. Young high school girls in skirts with hair on their legs. This is the sound of moving; this is the sound of coming home.

I made the decision to come back for good at the end of this year. It's not a hard decision because I don't sign my name to anything until February. But this thought has started a movement within me, slow gears of power in their steady acceleration. Just having an end date in sight has started this shift. I now have some kind of overall goal. Before I was just lackadaisically moving through time in Japan thinking "well, I'm going to be here again, I'm going to be here next year, I'm going to be here indefinitely" and that thinking gave me no spunk (oh no, Sarah Palin's vocabulary is filtering into mine...), no drive. But now, well now, I have things to do! I'm going to be home in 10 months! I gotta see the world! I gotta make friends! I have to appreciate each moment, never miss a weekend, never miss a day, never pass on a chance to see the ocean.

And I'm coming home over Christmas again. Yeah. It's good. I just paid for my plane ticket.

Sometimes I think these posts are really insufficient. Heck, I know they are. I should somehow be able to capture all of this into words, into a photograph, mold them into a living breathing thing and mail it home. (I'd poke holes in the box). What can hold this experience? Not even my own brain, I forget so much of it.

Thinking about coming home has made me understand that I am going to miss this place sooo much after I'm back. Even every crazy and awesome thing aside, I'm going to miss my ocean, my block, my neighborhood. My view. The chance to jog up into the hills and look over the vastness of the ocean and see how the world curves down over the horizon. There are so many things that are just uniquely here.

I'm moving along with a steady future now. That has made me a lot happier.

A couple of mandates to add:
-Invite often and invite early.
-Before you can be resentful you must first be unsatisfied with what you have.

I'm so tired. I gotta quit typing things.

Luther

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2008-10-04T00:28:00.002+09:00

Loving, moving, smuthing, soothing - get it out, round it out, run away, find a way - let's make tomorrow another day - I wish you well, I wish you on, fourteen years, gone.

Westward. Onward. Westward-ho. I see another, so make it so. Let's see beauty, let's see pain, sometimes they're one and the same. I'll read about it, I'll tell you so, then throw back the covers and let is show - we're moving forward, moving on, and I'll break for the morning if our night is gone.

Rising, breathing, taising, seething - mad is for the hapless, sad will take the rain, holy father what's the game? I've thought about it, I got a lot, and where my hand breaks - I'm letting go.......................g...o...n...e.

Taking a Poop

2008-10-01T11:28:00.004+09:00

And by the way, why do we use the verb "take?" Usually when you take, you gain something. But here...well, you know.

I felt the urge sitting at my desk (shitting at my desk, as the Japanese would say - they pronounce "si" as "shi" - it's quite funny when you come across "City Apartments." In my town's case, they really are...) so I wasn't shitting yet but needed too, so I headed off to my regular stall, the one with a western style toilet seat. I took one step into the bathroom and saw that the janitor was cleaning at that moment. It was really quite unlucky because usually the kids have to do all the cleaning around the school and they only do that after 6th hour or before school if they get in trouble for something. (And here "trouble" means they shaved their eyebrows or touched a motorcycle or something like that.) So our bathroom was getting its semesterly cleaning. Great. I'll have to find another western seat.

Now, I don't mind the squatters. They're actually quite conducive for the intended activity; however, I wanted to take a bit of a rest, maybe a nap, so I headed off. I went to the guests' bathroom on the other side of the building, a place that I thought was a duplicate of the teacher's bathroom upstairs. And I think it is except for the space between the front of the western toilet bowl and the divider to the next stall. I didn't quite know what to make of the situation upon opening the door. I had to like, pull my pants down while at the same time start to sit, then slide the whole get-up over the seat, timing everything to come down at the same time so that I fit with pants around my ankles. Having squeezed into this position I now found my legs spread to the point of straining and my nose literally 3 inches from the divider. And I couldn't scoot back any further otherwise I'd miss over the backside.

I started jogging about 3 weeks ago and with it, started stretching too and now I'm really glad. I don't think I could have done it without my recent gains in flexibility. Coming up after business hours was quite the time as well - I celebrated my success by laboriously tucking my dress shirt into my skin tight uniqlo pants. The Japanese didn't account for my Scandinavian muscles when they designed their clothes, and they certainly didn't design that toilet stall for a Western-style toilet. Go inaka.

(PS - That's "countryside" for all you living outside Japan. Which really means, that's for my mom and my great-grandma, the only people who read my blog...lol)

Goodnight. So much for that 10 o'clock thing.

.

An Update

2008-09-28T21:26:00.003+09:00

Listening to: "Is There a Ghost" by Band of Horses

I could sleep...I could sleep...When I lived alone...Is there a ghost in my house...

I moved my bed to the other room. I'm now across a closet and a room from the wall closest to the highway that practically runs over my apartment. It's made a world of difference. It's quiet now; I finally feel like I can relax and let go of my thoughts for the night.

I continue to search for perspective to this whole Japan thing.

There are two things that have been on my mind the past couple of days, and I wanted to hold onto them for a little while to see if they still held true. They're both open to reform, but for now I'm going to lay it out.

My situation at my school isn't the best. It's not the worst - no one's antagonistic. But people are hardly ever friendly, and certainly never inviting. I'm left to wonder if it's something I've done or not doing, or just general resentment, or maybe not even that, could be just simple apathy. I didn't take advantage of getting to know foreign exchange students when I was at college. I'm ashamed. I'm kicking myself now. What an opportunity I passed by. And what an opportunity people have here to get to know an American. A Luther.

I had a discussion with my parents about this last night, and my dad had some good suggestions about inviting a teacher of two over for dinner at my place. I have an inclination towards not inviting people to do things myself, and I feel a bit scared as the foreigner. I feel like it's not my place to be inviting Japanese people to do things, that they should be inviting and welcoming since this is their land. They know where things are and what there is to do and how to get there and how to speak the language...

But maybe this is just victim speak. I have been living here 14 months now afterall. Maybe it's time to grow up and take some ownership.

This leads into the first thing I wanted to mull over. I want to stay in Japan longer than these 2 years, but if I do I want to be doing something different. I want to either stay with the JET Program and teach at elementary schools or junior highs, or I want to get out of the JET Program and do something other than teach English. I don't know what my prospects for that are. I can't speak Japanese, so I'm severely limited in my options. I'll have to start looking now.

Or

I come back home after two years in Japan, get some kind of a career job, and study for the Foreign Service Officer Test.

Or I come back home, regroup, and look for another opportunity to get out of the country for awhile to a culture entirely different from Japan. Honestly, I don't know if I'm digging this too much. It's a very severe and uptight culture. It stresses me out a lot of the time.

If it's true that this is my last year in Japan, then that means I only have 10 months left now. I've already seen my very last September. I've seen my last summer. I don't have any time to waste, and I can't take any moments for granted.

The second thing is this idea of marriage that has seemed to be pestering me more than an empty stomach.

On a kind of related note, I was at church this morning and it was really great to just pray and sing the songs. I was praying to Jesus for my physical needs and just asked for a hug, and that got me thinking about when was the last time I'd been hugged by someone and I can't remember, maybe it's been a month, and really, how many times have I hugged someone in the last 6 months? I'm sure it's less than 10. That's like, once every 3 weeks maybe. And that's only on average.

It pretty much sucks to live alone.

Well, this is what I was thinking and that is, if finding a woman to marry is always in the back of my mind (ok, the front) then maybe I should do something about it. I mean, actively look. It makes sense, right? I don't have any Godly counsel in this and I haven't done a Bible study on it yet, so I have some thinking to do. Then when this idea had solidified in my brain, I immediately noticed myself. Am I the right person yet?

"Marriage is about being the right person." I've discussed this statement before, but for the first time, just now, I'm seeing this statement's truth. I've always thought about finding someone as if it were an entitlement. That I was entitled to a wife, and well, where the hell was she? But looking at myself, what if I did meet somebody? Would I be able to introduce her to my life? Would I be able to subject her to the life I live? Am I the right person?

"If you're not ok with being single, you're not going to be ok with somebody."

"The answer isn't found with the woman."

Hmm. I know that. More than just the words now. Good thing I didn't have to go through a failed relationship to learn a lesson this time. Thanks God.

What does it look like to be the right person? It means responsibility. And I mean that in every cliche definition and beyond. It means drinking less beer. It means cleaning the dishes more often than once a week. It means organizing the mail. It means ditching a victim mentality. It means eating fruit and getting exercise. It means shaving and getting a haircut. It means being in the Word on a daily basis. It means keeping interests and hobbies. It means maintaining integrity and accountability at work. It means learning to let go of the little things. It means looking to the Light for direction in the big things. It means being kinder than necessary. It means keeping a budget. It means saving money. It means seeking fun and staying light-hearted and always reaching out. It means counting to 10 when upset.

God, not only break me, but test me with fire. Will what I've built last? Will it stand up to the flames? Am I motivated by the right Wind? Are my idols placed at your feet? Have I let go? Does my strength come from the inexhaustible source? Are you with me in the morning? Do I have your counsel at night? Do you lead me by the hand over the rocky way, down the path too narrow?

Lord, I'm an unworthy man, and I'm humbled when I realize I'm in your presence.

Missing Home

2008-09-22T23:37:00.003+09:00

I'm just sad. I don't have the motivation to do a whole lot. I want to come home. I think I lack a cohesive set of goals right now. I have many esoteric things that I want to do / think I should be doing / would be good to do, but no ranking of priorities. Let me make one. This is a working priority list.

P.S. I'm listening to Phil Wickham's "I will wait for you there" on repeat. I took my guitar out, fixed the broken A string and played it for the first time since I don't know, the middle of July? It was so, so good to play. I played a few of my songs and then just jammed and wrote to some chords for awhile. I put the guitar down, saying I really needed that.

1. God.
2. Sleep. Weeknights, 10:00pm, no ands ifs or buts.
3. Move.
4. Exercise.
5. Take care of my job stuff - School, NAJET and AJET.
6. Study for Japanese Test.
7. Put things back where you found them.
8. Being with people.
9. Reading.
10. Guitar, hiking, exploring, writing, taking pictures, laughing at myself, taking vacations, dancing in the rain, going to Joy Fellowship, calling my family and friends back home, grocery shopping, watching movies, playing baseball with the kids in my neighborhood, and hopefully most of these happen weekly.

Drink it in, Luther. Breathe deeply and don't worry about your heart right now. Attitude. You create your existence, and things are as they are named. Forget that Shakespeare, a rose smells how I say it does.

Whew.

My Japan

2008-09-18T16:39:00.003+09:00

Drinking low quality, blend coffee from a juice box purchased at the vending machine in my school’s hallway for a hundred yen suddenly fills me with the essence of Japan. All my feelings, all my memories, all my moods and swings, the sum of all my pictoviews gather together in full force just behind my forehead. It’s like brut cologne to junior high. One whiff of that aging bottle sitting in the top drawer of my dresser always brought me right back to 7^th grade gym class. They say smell is the sense most closely linked with memory, and if that’s the case I’m headed for early senility. However, I have my words and I have the crushing weight of my feelings, so I’ll have to rely on this subjective history to get me through my nursing home years.

Juice Box Coffee. This isn’t even Can Coffee quality.

Through the thick of a year’s worth of memories, a single moment emerges. I’m standing on the sea wall and a breeze tugs at my back. The sound of a semi hangs there too; there’s the ever sleeping Easter Island mountain, and a sky almost matching the sea. This is how I know my Japan: where the hills kiss the water, where people sit at low tables, drinking to the ages just as they have done for a thousand years, where old women ride scooters and bicycles and buy their vegetables at convenience stores, where children bow to a stranger, their bodies bending even as their eyes stare in wonder; a place where concrete and iron push their way through the eonic surface, rising to the sky, where these very buildings are reclaimed by the land they once covered, now entangled in green. Time is all of history here and now is made up of all of then.

I discovered today I've been in love with a thought.

Breathing detail into the body

2008-09-02T21:38:00.003+09:00

Sorry. I ain't got any of that today. You may have to give me a skype call to motivate some detailed Japan story. I'm just not feeling up to snuff to run it all through my fingers.

Today I miss home again. Watching the movie "Lars and the Real Girl" did it I think. I didn't want to watch a movie. But I didn't want to do anything else either. The movie was set in a place up north where people slide their cars on the ice, cook hotdish, and come over and sit in a tragedy - where new bath towels are an item of conversation and where spring starts with Easter, a place where people are terrible dancers and the fake flowers on the alter each Sunday morning are brought by a volunteer over to the local hospital. This is the north. This is my home. I really miss that familiarity. I'll always be comfortable there because I'll always know what to do and I'll always know what to expect.

My surplus money's gone. I spent it all. I'm going to try and live off of $300 in the next 3 weeks. Which is going to be tough given the schedule of parties and gatherings coming up on the list.

Hmm.

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2008-09-02T00:02:00.003+09:00

A year. Have I said that already? Cuz if I haven't, I've sure been thinking it for the past 35 days. That's 55 weeks, after you take out the 2 I spent in the States over Christmas and New Year's. Fifty-five 7 day weeks. Insane. A year.

What have I done in the past year? Don't I still haunt these same places? I have come full circle with the earth, my position to the sun now aligning with old activities and spaces. A year.

Like I felt in college, life back home must be on hold. People can do too much in one year, they can't be different, otherwise, what am I going to know when I get back? My sister Hannah is turning 22 in less than 3 weeks - she's going to graduate college before I get back and I left her in the middle of it. The weight of that age is staggering and it just took the wind out of me. Twenty-two is an adult's age.

I guess if we want to talk numbers, I'm 33% through my life expectancy. I only get double of what I've seen, and maybe a lot less depending on how I go.

Or maybe more. I could live to see 3 centuries. I'd have to be 117 to do it. Wasn't there this guy who just died who claimed to be in his 130s?

I'm decided to drop difference jibing. It ain't funny no more. Nobody appreciates it. Nobody who's traveled anyway. Difference jibing is only funny to those who have never left their insulating nest of ethnocentrism, most often found married to those who never leave their hometowns. I'm not saying that all people who stay home are like this, just that it's easy to stay comfortable and laugh at what's different when home and the people who are just like you are all you ever know. I've realized that now after a year of response from pointing out differences. It don't make a bit of difference if you call it soda or pop, read or yomu, ketchup or kechyapu - I just don't care anymore. We're all talking about the same thing anyway.

And Canada doesn't suck.

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An Update

2008-08-31T22:49:00.002+09:00

Aren't all blog entries updates? (Shaking of head and jowls with a pfffppfew)

Wow. I don't know what to write. I don't know why I came on here. I guess I felt I needed to write something about being in Japan. My camera was stolen. Stolen at a nice onsen, Hana no Yu in Fujinomiya. I have to call the place back to see if it turned up. I was pretty pissed for about an hour and a half. I lost all the pictures I've taken over the past 3 weeks. Which actually wasn't a lot of pictures, since I haven't been taking much, but it was the ones I took with Will and Mike when they were here for the first day of their 68 hours. And I couldn't take any after that. Mike will have to tag me on facebook for you to see pictures with them. It was really awesome to see them. I can't believe it's been almost 8 months since I saw Will - that it's been 8 months since Steve's wedding. That is crazy. I was in Japan not even 5 months before I came home for a visit last time, and now I've been out of the country 8 months in a row. Crazy crazy crazy. What am I doing here?

It's really warm outside. Tomorrow it will be September. I'm sitting inside my apartment in shorts and a t-shirt with all my windows open and 2 fans on. I'm a bit shiny as well.

I'm seeing an increase in my Japanese abilities. It must come in waves. In levels. I went a long time without seeing any improvement. (Maybe it had something to do with not studying or speaking Japanese for 2 months.) I'm not scared of speaking Japanese anymore. Even if I fail to communicate, I'm not afraid to try. My confidence was greatly boosted with Will and Mike here because I was able to get them around - order food, ask for directions, call a taxi company and get a ride...have some short conversations with people asking about us, etc. I called and talked with the bus company that was picking people up for the Mt. Fuji Climb to find out exactly where the bus would be waiting. Furuyasan's advice from the beginning of our lessons together was to talk to people in Japanese - at the grocery store, at the conbini, waiting for a train. I never felt confident doing that before, but now I feel comfortable saying anything just for the practice or just because I'm a human being and they're a human being and I've got something to say or ask. I'm able to hear Japanese a lot better now, and I'm actually starting to remember vocabulary that I pick up in various places. The Japanese I hear is starting to register more quickly in my brain. Before I would have to listen to something spoken very slowly, then take that sound and run it through my data bank of recorded vocabulary found in the deep reaches of my brain, translate it into English, and then I would understand. Now I can hear something and either it makes the switch into English very quickly, or maybe I'm even understanding in Japanese. I'm excited about studying again (even with a sopping wet lesson book - story to come later, maybe if I have the time to type it all out).

I'm really trying to put on a good attitude. I had to argue with myself in the shower this morning. I was wanting to feel sorry for myself because I missed out on the AJET Fuji Climb since I was too sore from climbing it on Wednesday night. I wanted to feel down, and then I said, "no, I will be happy" and then I said "but I don't have anything to be happy about, so it would be wrong to be cheerful today" and then I said "life is a good enough reason to be happy" and then I said, "I can't argue with that." So I stopped arguing with myself and I won.

I bought new glasses. They are cool, clear, plastic, Japanesey ones. I had gone last weekend to look and couldn't decide between the cool plastic ones and a pair of frameless glasses that were much lighter and more comfortable and more professional looking. I wanted to pick the frameless ones, but my desire to look cool won out. I really don't like glasses in general because of that professional look they give me. I've been going the past year without any glasses at all, so it's not like I'll be wearing them much anyway. Plus I'm getting lasik surgery when I get back from Japan so I won't need glasses after that at all.

Oh yeah, I took an eye exam and bought glasses all in Japanese this past week too. If you think it's a harrowing time at the eye doctor's in English, think about trying to do those tests all in Japanese. Brian Regan's sketch on glasses comes to mind...

Ok. I got lost on youtube while I was searching for that Brian Regan link. whoops. Time got away. Tomorrow is my first day of school for the new term. I'm not ready for school to start. I have to start making lesson plans again. It's late (12:25am as I'm typing this now - hey it's September!) but I'm not tired because I'm excited with life and life's possibilities. I need to start each morning with time - time to talk to myself (not the creepy schizophrenic kind, just the morning pep talk time) and time to talk with God, to relax and start the day. And I need to get sleep before that. Ok, I'll start that tomorrow night. But seriously, there are so many things to be happy about and if I just take the time to see things that way.

I have many stories to tell you. So many stories about the everyday extraordinary that I find here in Japan, stories about the beach and the mountains and friends and people and the things they tell me and the things I see. So many of these stories will fall down on me as I'm sitting in the States years from now. Maybe it will be a plate of noodles or a misunderstood word or a trip to the mountains, but something will set it off and I will suddenly be rushed back to these moments of life here on this island, so many miles from home.

Now I'm going for a walk along the ocean. I have too much energy to take to bed with me, I don't think I could keep my head on the pillow.

For now, goodnight.

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This month's pep talk

2008-08-24T22:21:00.005+09:00

Ok. I've decided to be happy. I'm putting all of the crushing weight of heavy thoughts down, nothing needs to be tragic or dreary or even crucial. My perfectionism can bite it - I'm going to have fun. I've been saying this to myself the past 4 months and now maybe I'm starting to believe it: What's the point of doing this if I don't have fun? I'm done griping about my schedule and work, I'm just going to enjoy what I'm doing. If I'm doing something that must be done, that's fine, it doesn't mean that, therefore, I can't enjoy it. Put a silly grin on your face, Luther, and you'll start having fun.

And talk to people. Even if you can only get as deep as 1 sentence or 1 question. Just do it. Don't shy from anything. There's no point. I already know that when I'm back in America I'm never holding back if I have something to say, something to ask. I'll do it just because I can. That girl behind the counter at the coffee shop, the gas attendant, my pastor, police officer, mayor, guy behind me in line at the ATM - if I got something funny to say, a question to ask, it's coming out. Now in Japan, I'm in a different culture and a different language but heck to that! I'm still going to try my Japanese even if it makes no sense whatsoever. There is no good reason any more to stay quiet.

Make friends. Invite. Don't rot in your apartment. Coffee. A drink. Atami beach. Book shopping in Shizuoka. Check the Shizuoka guide. Concert. Museum. Temple.

Don't be a turd.

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2008-08-23T20:49:00.003+09:00

Year Two

August

Shizuoka

I moved into town. Took a 3:30. Didn’t get there ‘til Four. My mind raced around nothing, grabbing to the little pieces that were wisps, waiting for something to materialize. I was fallow and realized this happened some time ago. I beat the road, looking for cigarettes. The machines had since gone Taspo – you now needed a card to buy from them, even though the beer machines were left open to the world and open to the teens. Cigarettes were a bigger pull I guess. You looked cooler taking a smoky drag, more than a cool pull. Sunday. Where had Saturday gone? I always wish I had more time, always kicking myself for not starting earlier. Less than eight hours ‘til the last train. Had this been eight, I could have had the whole day. Hell, I could put in my day and still return to the sun and a messy apartment, maybe with a reserve of motivation to clean. I was living between work weeks, weeks spent away from home, my Japanese home. In this day I realized that I wanted my home back home – over oceans and half a continent – to the sweet center of the northern world where my ancestors settled, having crossed that opposite ocean. I stood on the dirt outside the station, stood on an exposed root, looking down. This was Minnesotan soil – I pictured the woods in my periphery, green and hollow, leaves lined parallel, seeing water through the gaps and sun behind it. The soil was beaten low, maybe trampled by that summer’s campers, all putting their tent in the same spot, the door facing the southern sun.

I could write, I knew it, if only I had a plan. I could play, I knew it, if only I had the drive, the discipline. The stick of a benny addict. Or the observation of a man with an eye. But I was seeing maimed, almost half of my senses gone. My nose didn’t work and my eyes only saw the inside workings of myself, those tired and worn from a year overseas, away from home. I could talk to anyone now, I knew it. I would ask all the questions that popped into my head.

God, I loved – loved every girl that walked by, yet I knew I was settling for Japanese women, their faces now softening to my eyes. I know I’ll end up with a Minnesota girl, blond hair and blue eyes with a smile of wintry beauty, a beauty that warms in the summer and turns to golden brown, hair that lightens with the brightness of her laugh, tanning in rolled down shorts and freckled shoulders, looking at me sideways as she lays on the lawn. Soft white eyelids, like silk on my lips. You don’t have to explain anything to your own kind, you just get each other. Someone who knows the grip of Cheez-its, the foul of lutefisk, the lethargy that comes with the sound of an organ playing somber Lutheran hymns. It sounds strange to you, but isn’t it so normal? Such a part of the grind? Heaven knows it and heaven is soft and bright – a soft edged whiteness drifting above it all and settling down upon the sharp-tipped world below, dulling its points and blurring its edges, the grey melting into rubbed charcoal into cream into white.

Run away and marry me. I will love you forever.

Pictures!

2008-07-21T18:37:00.001+09:00

Spring Break Period of Life

Clam Digging

My Parents' Visit

With my parents in Nara and Kyoto

With my parents in Nara and Kyoto 2

Parents around Shizuoka and Tokyo

Last days with the parents

More pictures from this spring

Leaver's Party pictures

Writings on the Ocean

2008-07-18T23:50:00.002+09:00

The humidity does many things in summertime Japan. Some are destructive – I have already lost 2 shelves, a necklace and a pair of shorts to mold, and who knows what else I’ll lose. I have my dehumidifier running in my closet right now. It also keeps me in a nice shiny glaze and soaks my sheets at night. I have to run the fan to dry my bed during the day.

The humidity does some very beautiful things though too. Like when I’m biking to school and look up into the hills to find their tops erased by clouds, smudged out against the white sky. The ocean too seems to be born out of the mist, its giant waves generated just out of sight before being sent to shore. Standing on the beach tonight I could see it all in perfect moonlight, the humidity having settled down above the water. The man on the moon was singing his high sad note and the melody played along the moonbeams before being turned to pure liquid on the waves. The waves tonight came silently and didn’t sound until they beat upon the wavebreakers. I felt no bigger than a pebble tonight, standing there peering over them. The waves were just the right size so I could imagine myself standing at the edge of a lake looking up at the water lapping on shore. I wondered what kind of a sound those waves make to tiny ears.

I cannot forget you ocean, and I cannot look away. You’re magic- you don’t exist and you spread everywhere, beyond what my mind can fathom. I think I could lust after you, I would have run away to you if this were a different century. Ocean, take my thoughts and sail them over your belly; scatter my dreams and gather them on your other side. Hold me shallow and take me deep, deep to where my darkest unspoken fears lie sovereign and language knows no words.

hmm

2008-07-16T15:24:00.001+09:00

How quickly novelty wears off. You know, some things are only cool because they’re new. You put up with them, no, you enjoy them and appreciate them because they’re new. But when that is the sole quality on which they stand, they will inevitably crumble. Time in its sure march renders them ridiculous and intolerable. A love based on novelty is doomed to fail.

I’ve fallen out of love with obento.

Read the post before this one first

2008-07-13T03:02:00.004+09:00

Woah - I just watched a video of Phil Wickham's song True Love on GodTube. It's a really great song and I'm about to go download it as soon as I type in here. It made me realize that I forgot the reason why I even began to write my last post. I originally had wanted to comment on Dawkins' last statement in the God vs. Science debate. Here it is:

"My mind is open to the most wonderful range of future possibilities, which I cannot even dream about, nor can you, nor can anybody else. What I am skeptical about is the idea that whatever wonderful revelation does come in the science of the future, it will turn out to be one of the particular historical religions that people happen to have dreamed up. When we started out and we were talking about the origins of the universe and the physical constants, I provided what I thought were cogent arguments against a supernatural intelligent designer. But it does seem to me to be a worthy idea. Refutable--but nevertheless grand and big enough to be worthy of respect. I don't see the Olympian gods or Jesus coming down and dying on the Cross as worthy of that grandeur. They strike me as parochial. If there is a God, it's going to be a whole lot bigger and a whole lot more incomprehensible than anything that any theologian of any religion has ever proposed."

As a Christian, I do believe that God is so much bigger than what any theologian or human being can propose. Most of the time our words and actions as Christians do the exact opposite of showing who God is, much less so even coming close to giving an accurate portrayal of just who the creator is. Words fail when it comes to God. Human argument falls flat. Analogies are insufficient. Our understanding is left wanting. Yes, God is incomprehensible. The Answer is more than we will ever be able to describe, more than we will ever know, more than we will ever realize. My only hope lies in the everlasting, all-encompassing, always active Creator and His Son and His Holy Spirit to reach the lives of my friends and the people I know, to direct the message of salvation and hope into each of their lives.

Job 36:29
Isaiah 40:13
Romans 11:34
I Corinthians 2:16

How awesome and incredible is that?

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Musings

2008-07-13T00:50:00.009+09:00

I just read a great article published as a cover story by Time Magazine in November 2006. It's titled "God vs. Science" and can be found here. This article is a debate between pre-eminent atheist Richard Dawkins and the Christian and lead scientist of the Human Genome Project, Francis Collins. Many of the core issues in the God vs. Science debate are identified very truthfully and simply in this article. Francis Collins said a few of the same things that I wrote down in reaction to Dawkins' book The God Delusion, though his words are much more rehearsed and efficient and solidified than mine. In particular I liked Collins' statement about how we should approach the argument:

"God's existence is either true or not. But calling it a scientific question implies that the tools of science can provide the answer. From my perspective, God cannot be completely contained within nature, and therefore God's existence is outside of science's ability to really weigh in."

Collins is not saying here that science must stay out of religion or that the two are separate entities contained in airtight boxes (to quote Steven Jay Gould). You should read the article for exact clarification, but essentially what Collins is doing with this statement is reacting to Dawkins' approach to proving, or disproving God. Dawkins assumes all that exists is the physical realm, and using only the physical realm we can't see or find or prove God, so therefore he doesn't exist. I agree that you can't prove God using the physical realm alone. Somewhat in this article but also in his book The Language of God, Collins says that it is "the knowledge of the Moral Law and the universal search for God" among other uniquely human attributes that are the things that show God's existence. Collins says that when we look at science we're discovering just one of the ways that God operates in his vast creation. This too shows the paradigm difference that I tried explaining in my notes on TGD. Dawkins is working backwards through time and level of creation and Collins is working forwards.

Here's 3 further comments on this topic:

COLLINS: By being outside of nature, God is also outside of space and time. Hence, at the moment of the creation of the universe, God could also have activated evolution, with full knowledge of how it would turn out, perhaps even including our having this conversation. The idea that he could both foresee the future and also give us spirit and free will to carry out our own desires becomes entirely acceptable.

DAWKINS: I think that's a tremendous cop-out. If God wanted to create life and create humans, it would be slightly odd that he should choose the extraordinarily roundabout way of waiting for 10 billion years before life got started and then waiting for another 4 billion years until you got human beings capable of worshipping and sinning and all the other things religious people are interested in.

COLLINS: Who are we to say that that was an odd way to do it? I don't think that it is God's purpose to make his intention absolutely obvious to us. If it suits him to be a deity that we must seek without being forced to, would it not have been sensible for him to use the mechanism of evolution without posting obvious road signs to reveal his role in creation?

Dawkins comment shows that he doesn't quite get the argument of God existing outside of the physical realm. If God is outside of time, how could you possible describe him as "waiting?"

I have been a creationist for many years now, and that conclusion is not founded upon a vast understanding of science. I am open to the possibility of accepting evolution as the process of history. If all the evidence really points in that direction, then I have to choose to be ignorant and bull-headed to continue to believe in creationism. And I would also be doing it without cause. For if fundamental theology and the fundamentals of Jesus life, death, resurrection, and salvation are all consistent with evolution, then why reject it?

Having said that, there are a couple of things I am uncomfortable with about evolution. First is the fact that, if evolution is true, then death was rampant in the world before Adam. (This line of thinking came to me through the author of In the Beginning, Walt Brown). Now Paul writes in Romans 5 that death came through the sin of the first man. Sin causes death. If evolution is true, then it really complicates how we view the roll of sin. One argument is that God took a particular being at a point in the long history of this earth and called it Adam and breathed his image into this being (thus making a soul) and set it apart from all the other beings. This being was sinless and had perfect union with its creator and when it decided to not do what its creator wanted it to do sin entered the world. It is possible to reconcile this theory with Genesis 1 but not with Genesis 2 and certainly not with sin creating death. Genesis 2 makes it seem as though Adam was there near the beginning of creation, before rain and before plants were growing outside of the Garden of Eden. Is Genesis suddenly being uber-poetic here? There's another book I need to read by C. John Collins (not a relation) titled Science & Faith.

The second thing is found in Collins' last comment posted above. I disagree with what he says here. In a round-about way it is true that free will is related to why God seems hard to find, but only in the view of sin - not in some God-initiated way as Collins seems to suggest.

I believe that God desperately wants us to find him, to know that he exists, to reach out for him, to worship him, to glorify him and to honor him with our actions. Of course there is also free will. Free will allowed the possibility for sin, and it is sin that clouds our view and keeps us from seeing our ever-present creator. God didn't create with the intention to keep himself hidden so that we would have to accept him on faith. Fundamental Christian Theology states that God created us perfect and that we sinned and separated ourselves from Him and clouded our own view. As human beings we see good and bad and we realize that we are living in an imperfect condition. We constantly fight against the razor-edged chains in our life that are destroying us - addictions, hurtful words and actions, loss, and countless others. These things are the result of our transgressions against our creator. We struggle with these things, and I'm telling you the only sure-fire way to conquer them is to lay the burden of the fight on the one who can win - to let go, to trust that he will succeed, to stop struggling and believe that he will carry the day. This is called faith.

This is where I'll end now for tonight. This is a new revelation for me about faith. I think I've come across a new way of looking at faith and looking at coming to Jesus. I need more time to flesh this out and put it in identifiable and comprehensible words. I'd also like to spend considerably more time thinking and writing about Adam's role if evolution is indeed our history.

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Haro? Me no supeki Ingurish.

2008-07-06T02:41:00.003+09:00

I need to destroy the internet. It sews me onto a world I don't belong to anymore. And then when I shut my computer, and turn my eyes away, I have to physically rip my soul from the pictures, the chats and the life I build for myself there during the brief moments I imbibe. It hurts. And I bleed.

So I've decided to destroy the internet. All of it. I will chew one cable at a time, break one fiber-optic, snap one wire, disable one satellite in my quest for total darkness. Sorry if you liked the internet. But that's the way it's going to be.

Reality exists in 1 place at a time only. Only God can leap from one place to the next.

I need omnipresence. That would be helpful.

I think I'm going to go offline for awhile. I'm going to erase my English databank in every moment that I don't need to speak it for official work hours where I'm getting paid. I'm telling everyone from now on that I'm from Norway and I don't speak any English. Thanks for the idea, Pat.

.

This blog was interrupted by this chat with Pat:

Pat

Hey Luther

How's life

2:35amLuther

hello?

2:35amPat

How are you man

2:35amLuther

up and down

yeah

it's crazy

2:35amPat

You're still in Japan right?

2:35amLuther

life's crazy

yeah

2:36amPat

Thats good

2:37amLuther

or good that I'm in Japan?

are you there?

2:38amPat

Both I think

Sorry I'm in Honduras right now teaching English and I have a ton to do at the same time

2:38amLuther

Honduras

How many classes do you teach ina week?

2:38amPat

Yeah its awesome

4 middle school classes everyday

2:39amLuther

Pat is no longer online. The following was not sent:

wow, crazy

how many lesson plans per week is that?

2:40amPat is online.

2:40amPat

But its good man.

Only 1

2:40amLuther

at least that's good

what do you do with your free time?

2:41amPat

I pretty much teach the same thing to each class. Which can get tedious for me but I've learned some REALLY awesome English-Learning songs

2:44amPat

How about you?

2:46amLuther

ah - I don't know

I dont' know what's happening

2:46amPat

Really?

2:46amLuther

I kind of just swim through space for a few hours

then I'm back at school

2:46amPat

Nice

How's your japonese?

2:47amLuther

I'm blinded, reminded, I reflect, reject...

I dont' know what I'm doing here

sometimes I freak out

other times I think I could stay forever

2:48amPat

I honestly think that is pretty normal for anyone living abroad

2:48amLuther

I'm approaching 1 year, Pat

2:48amPat

Yeah!!

2:48amLuther

3 1/2 weeks shy of 1 year

2:49amPat

I can't imagine that. Ive done a 5 month stint and now am on a 2 month one, and I still really struggle

2:49amLuther

Yeah, I've done 2 5 month stints

in a row

My Japanese is crap

I'm trying

and I'm learning

but slowly

Everyone always demands English out of me all the time

even in my private, after school life

2:50amPat

Yeah I know how that is

2:50amLuther

"will you speak English with my son?"

"will you volunteer at this English conversation class?"

2:50amPat

I eventually started telling people I was german.

2:50amLuther

"will you give me private lessons?"

"NO!

WE'RE IN FRICKIN JAPAN!!!

when do I get to learn how to live here?

Even when I say, in perfect Japanese, "mou skoshi yukuri kantan ni itte kudasai masenka"

they freakin start talking in English

don't speak English

just use simple Japanese

I speak simple English

I'm kind to you

I pick out words I know you understand

just scale it back a bit

don't speak English

I want to learn

Yeah, I'm wiggin out right now

sorry

2:53amPat

No that's ok

I know what its like to need to vent man

2:54amLuther

You know what my prospects are of meeting a nice, English speaking, Christian girl out here?

2:54amPat

Probably about as good as the brewers winning the world series

2:54amLuther

the answer is zero

I might have well as signed up to be a catholic priest

2:56amLuther

each time I sign another 1 year contract, I'm saying that I'm quite interested in extending the age that I get married by 1 more year

The okonomiyaki place

2008-07-05T12:04:00.002+09:00

I have a story to tell you, and it couldn’t be better if I made it up. Really, I couldn’t script this stuff. Some things that happen here in Japan are simply uncanny, the sequence of events twisting themselves in curly-Qs, leading me somewhere in a moment and then to some other place in the next. I usually don’t know where I’ll end up and often don’t even know where I am at the present. So I will tell you now, after the raging fires of experience have died down to recordable levels yet before the coals of memory fade to ash.

I set out this past Friday night for my friends’, the Sano-sans, ramen-shop restaurant for a meal and a beer. I went on foot since I knew that I would have a drink and even biking after consuming one beer is illegal. It’s about a 20 minute walk, but I’m used to walking and used to travel taking more than a bit of time. When I arrived at their shop in Yui I discovered it was closed. This was strange since it was a Friday. I hadn’t seen them since my parents left, so I was looking forward to spending some time with them that night. At this point I was already pretty hungry and didn’t want to wait another 20 minutes and then have to cook dinner. Luckily, the tiny okonomiyaki restaurant (think pancakes, slightly raw on the inside, filled with lettuce and ham, then topped with a type of barbeque sauce and mayonnaise) across the street was open so I didn’t have far to go. I had never been even though I like okonomiyaki. The Sano-san’s “Porushe” was right there so anytime I was in the area to eat I would stop at their place. Being closed, I was now free to guiltlessly try a new place.

I hopped across the road, ducked under the half curtain and slid the door open. The next step left me speechless. Standing inside the entranceway I found myself simultaneously standing in the middle of the shop, at the end of the counter and in the “group” section. It was tiny. It was tinier than tiny. It’s places like this from where we get the expression “hole in the wall.” It had about the same floor space as a 5-man tent. I found myself facing the shop server (owner? Tenant?) behind the counter and two patrons gaping wide eyed at the pale white ghost who had just floated into their world. After another moments worth of hesitation there were konbanwas (good evenings) all around and the server (I later found out her name was Mi-chan) motioned for me to sit in the only other available seat, squeezed right between the two already eating. This was a little embarrassing as I felt I was breaking up a party, or at the very least moving into the middle of what had been until that point a very uneventful and pleasant evening for everyone. (A party with 3 people, but really they filled the place up.)

I sat there for awhile as the three continued to talk. Mi-chan brought me tsukemono and asked what I wanted to drink. I sat quietly trying to absorb what exactly was happening. The counter was tall and covered with alcohol advertisements and various kinds of ashtrays. The wall behind the counter was covered with shelves and more liquor ads. Mi-chan was busying herself between chatting and cooking up hearts and liver for the man sitting on my right. On the other side of him was a large TV screen glowing blue. Above me and in the corner to my left were two more TVs and behind me was a fourth. This was a karaoke bar.

Now I’ve frequented enough karaoke bars to get the gist for the technology, and this okonomiyaki place topped the list. There were brand-new looking mics, and two handheld electronic boxes that you could search for and enter the title of the song you wanted to sing. As I was eying this, the woman to my left picked one op and selected a song. When the music started I said, “Oh, enka.” And she responded with the specific kind of enka. They asked me if I knew any of the music, and I said no. Then they asked me how long I’d been here and I said 11 months and they were like, “That’s not long enough to learn this music.”

She had a nice voice and the song was enjoyable. I noticed up in the right hand corner of the screen that there was the silhouette of a woman lounging back inside of a pink box. I really couldn’t guess why that was there, but I didn’t have long to come up with an answer before it was revealed to me in its full glory. When the song ended a saxophone let out a provocative call and a Japanese model appeared fully clothed. Then the screen was covered in tiles and a title in Japanese appeared stating, “Your point total is…”

The numbers started spinning, and as they rose the tiles fell away from the screen slowly uncovering a now uncovered girl. The score reached 94 – 3 tiles away from the full monty. “zannen…” the guy to my right said. He shook his head and looked down at his food disappointed.

I couldn’t believe it. It was more the non-chalance that surprised me. The guy picked up the mic for a song this time and also sang an enka classic. Just as before, we watched the numbers spin and the tiles fall, still not achieving a perfect score. I asked if it had any English songs and they weren’t sure. I figured maybe they at least had some Beatles, so I started searching the machine. Sure enough, they had thousands of English songs, probably tens of thousands. I even found Jack Johnson and Hootie and the Blowfish. My first choice was the Neil Diamond classic “Sweet Caroline.” It’s karaoke perfect. I sang it pretty well – I think a 97, but still not good enough to be completely revealing. The others were satisfied with my singing though, and went on chatting a picking out more enka titles.

I had really come for a meal, so now I ordered the standard okonomiyaki. It came filled with cabbage and other unidentifiable things as well as a pile of sliced red ginger on the side. I had asked for low mayo, but there was still a sufficient amount to fill a small jar. Mayo is a staple over here. About this time we get to chatting some more and they were asking me questions about where I was from and what I was doing in Japan. Thinking about it afterward I’m quite surprised these questions didn’t come earlier. Besides the initial contact where both sides were quite surprised to see each other, they had carried on like I was a regular there, encouraging me to sing and going about their routine evening.

True to Japanese first conversations my age was asked. Mi-chan was delighted to hear “24” and went to get her cell phone. She dialed a number and began talking. While she was on the phone she explained to me that she was talking to “Maiko,” a 24-year old hair stylist living in Kambara. Maiko couldn’t come over at that moment, so Mi-chan handed me the phone to be introduced. Now the evening was becoming quite amusing. I exchanged a few lines with the girl, essentially just saying hi and nice to meet you, and handed the phone back to Mi-chan. She told me I needed to come back the following night to meet this girl, but I said I was already going to a friend’s house for a Mexican food party. She told me to come back the next weekend.

The night ebbed on and soon one, then the other patron left the place. I was still finishing my second beer, but it looked like Mi-chan was wanting to close down shop. She handed me a bill for 2500 yen, about 25 bucks. I thought that was a little steep for 2 beers and a plate of greasy, hole-in-the-wall okonomiyaki, but then maybe I was paying for the karaoke too. I drained my beer, paid the bill, slid the door open and stepped out into the night. I really hadn’t absorbed any of this at that moment. I focused my eyes and took the first step towards home.

Number 9

2008-06-30T23:42:00.005+09:00

Ok, one more post before June expires. Wow. June. Gone.

It doesn't seem as late in the year as it really is. (In a couple days we'll be closer to '09 than we are to '07). I think that's because I'm waiting for summer vacation to start. Back home summer started the second week of June. Now here it won't start until the third week of July. Even then, I'll be really busy and time with push me along, like exiting a crowded Tokyo train.

I discovered something yesterday, a small revelation but an important one. I've noticed now with the eyes of retrospect that my relationship with God has been changing, almost in the same way the seasons change. This is not a hot to cold to hot sort of thing, it’s about the evolution of it. The seasons change slowly, but there’re always jumps and lulls of illogic. Maybe it hasn’t been as volatile as Minnesota’s change of seasons, but that really is the point. It’s been changing slow enough that I haven’t been able to identify it until after the fact.

Me and the Lord have been doing well – we’ve been talking a lot and I’ve been offering up quite a few things. Here’s the problem though: being surrounded by so many non-Christians, by so many atheists, by a very small and sporadically spaced network, by a very un-Biblical nation has made me think in relativity. I feel like I’ve already arrived.

This is very dangerous. It doesn’t make me cocky, it doesn’t make me look down on anyone – these people are my best friends - , it doesn’t make me doubt. What I have done is allow myself to become complacent. I’m not trying to be more like Christ because I feel he’s just cool with where I’m at. Arrived.

I have fallen on grace, and I always will, and it will always be the only thing that will save me. But Jesus has also called me to be more like him and last time I read the gospels Jesus wasn’t getting drunk or womanizing. I can still be cool without a cigarette behind my ear.

Now I’m not going to abandon my edge, and I’m not going to betray my personality. God made me unique and I will celebrate this fearfully and wonderfully created life. I just want to love God and love his ways more than I love the world.

God, I need you so much right now. I have so many needs that I’m trying to fill under my own power, and I’m just not making it. There’s always holes and as soon as one’s plugged the water starts spilling out somewhere else and I’ve run out of fingers. Hold me tighter. Crawl into that empty bed before me. Set me upon the world with clarity of purpose and a powerhouse of discipline. Fill my lungs with your cleaner air. Sharpen my mind and deepen my love. Love me until it spills over the edges and floods the lives of the people around me.

You, Lord, and not me.

Cloverfield? Or something like that

2008-06-21T21:29:00.001+09:00

You know you've just seen a bad movie when on a Saturday night the movie finishes and you say, "Man. I could have done laundry."

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Campaign Finance

2008-06-20T00:02:00.005+09:00

I just read this new article on the BBC about Barack Obama's campaign fundraising. He has made the decision to turn down the $80 million that the government will give to each the democratic and republican nominees to run a presidential campaign. Accepting this money means that nominees can't take any private donations. It is meant to make the race fair between nominees of different parties. If I remember correctly, Obama had offered McCain back in February that if he were the democratic nominee, he would run on the $80 mil. only as long as McCain agreed to do the same. I think McCain had tentatively agreed.

However, McCain has been taking donations from "special interest groups" and "private donors" through loopholes in the public-financing bill co-authored by none other than McCain himself, even though he has chosen to take the government's money. Obama has decided that this isn't very fair, and in light of his strong condemnations of SIG money and the fact that he will probably be able to raise more than $80 mil. through private donors, he has decided to go the private-only route. He wouldn't be able to compete with McCain money wise with only public financing.

However, by choosing to take private donations, isn't Obama being influenced by "special interests" of the "worst" kind? One individual's donation means Obama is answering to that individual's interests, rather than a cross-section of the tax-payers (those who checked the box on their tax returns). What about the interests of the poor or those on welfare who can't shell out the $2300? I suppose one could argue that $2300 from any one person is not enough to hold much sway. But what about when individuals with an agenda hold fundraisers to pool their money for Obama's campaign?

Is it even possible to avoid money from "special interests?" How can one investigate every donor's ties to lobbying or lobbyist companies? And does it even make sense not to take money from SIGs? Some groups certainly are lobbying for people and causes that don't already hold monetary and political clout.

It will be interesting to see over the months leading up to November where the money is coming from.

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Writings on the Ocean

2008-06-19T21:47:00.003+09:00

The ocean was flat. That's a damned common word to choose after so many nights of observation, but really it was the best word for it. There were no tsunami waves tonight, running at shore in their rank and file, steadily pounding a rhythm against the concrete. On microcosm you could see the slop and plop water knocking itself about, but he hadn't looked at that; only out over the width of the bay and the stretch between summertime lights. He thought about that day early last spring when the ocean laid still. There were no waves on that afternoon, and no surf - only a slight heaving of the water, like the shallow and dispersed breathing of a dying man, it's white foam frothed at the edges, sputtering out.

The moon tonight shown steady casting its reflection off the water in a perfect line to the bottom of his feet. "Hm." It suddenly occurred to him that it could never be any other way. Why hadn't he thought about that before? You always see the sun coming right at you and that had never seemed strange. "I might have to draw a picture with the sunset reflecting off to the side," he thought. He bet after it was finished, you could tell it looked funny, but you wouldn't be able to say why.

The moon looked lumpy tonight - it wasn't quite full. Or was that just the clouds? A shadow passed moving the opposite way of the traffic, but tonight he didn't jump. The scene was molding him, making him a part of its familiarity.

Honesty. What does that look like? Is it possible to be recorded, even by the best intentions? Does the tip of the pen dull its edges, scratch its surface? Is there much forgotten by the flawed institution of writing? Even if I made up my mind to be honest with you, could I produce it?

A Kitachousenjin

2008-06-17T00:33:00.009+09:00

He poured through books like water from a clear glass pitcher. And when he was empty, he waited to be filled again. "I'm just buying my time," he thought. But really it was the elements that had control. Sure, he could set himself under the eave of a rooftop, but even then, it still had to rain.

I talked with a guy from North Korea tonight. Kitachousen. All of Korea is chousen; they consider themselves one-people, one-blood. Through our conversation of 95% Japanese and 5% English, I managed to understand his main convictions and the things he so desperately wanted me to understand. His name was Kim, a 41-year old entrepreneur selling Korean food in Shizuoka. His grandfather had been from South Korea and somehow (I couldn't follow this part) this allowed Kim to be in Japan, though his alien registration card showed him as a North Korean.

Kim constantly apologized for the things he was saying, though he raised little offense. He said that Koreans in North Korea would rather keep their own culture, their pride, and starvation, than to be infiltrated by Americanism and the vices that come with it. He said that it was a difficult decision to make between which was worse: starving in Korea or being shot on the street in L.A.

South Korea had become "America's dog." The people were kept sedated with the "3 Ss:" sex, screen and ___. War was business, and America was only after North Korea so that they could be closer to China's and Russia's door, the likes of which would be a "constant pebble in China's shoe." According to Kim, North Koreans feared an aggressive and hostile China as a result of American presence, more than they feared their empty stomachs. He said that if America went to war, they would win, 100%. But maybe not before North Korea would be able to take a retaliatory pot-shot at either South Korea or Japan.

Kim liked Americans, and he couldn't get enough of shaking my hand and patting me on the back. But he assured me that that didn't mean he liked my government. In his mind, Clinton would have made the best president because she would be the most likely to leave North Korea alone. Kim also liked American style business, this probably being the result of his livelihood. The Japanese tended too much to keep their heads down and despair over the low points of the oscillating business curve. He kept a smile on his face and waited for the upswing. Kim wanted everyone to be friends, for there to be peace among all nations, and even dreamed of visiting America someday, if the government ever allowed him to.

"Hontou Gomennasai, I'm really sorry, Luther," he said as he criticised America again. He loved meeting Americans and telling them all about North Korea. "They don't teach you these things in school."

We traded numbers toward the end of the evening. Kim said he would take me out for yakiniku or Korean-style barbecue. I would pay 20%, he would pay 80 because at 41 "he was my uncle." I told him I really liked ishiyakibibimba, another type of Korean cooking. That awarded me another handshake.

Kim was the first North Korean I have ever met, and I do hope to spend another evening with him. This one had turned into a late night, but one that I wouldn't have traded for any night's worth of perfect sleep.

.

Old Blue Eyes

2008-06-04T22:09:00.004+09:00

"You're eyes are blue."
"Yep. Yes, they are."
"That's soo cool!"
I open my eyes wide until I feel the stretch on my eyeballs.
"Do any Japanese people have blue eyes?" I ask.
"No."
"None?"
"No, none."
I wonder what that would be like to not know the possibility of different colored eyes. I know people in America born of the same parents who have different colored eyes.
They ask me why my shirt is so colorful.
"Because I'm American," I say, but that's not the real answer. The real answer is, "Because I'm Luther." That's what people are seeing when they see me. You have to make generalizations about some things though. Otherwise, how could you ever know anything?

The conversation changes to shimoneta - bad Japanese words you're not supposed to say - or more accurately, my kids trying to get me to say a few of those words to the other senseis. I'm one step ahead of them though. I usually don't say anything at all.

This has been a bit damning, though understandable. Recognizing it is the first step to change. I could run through all of the excuses, "They're too busy," or "I'll embarrass myself," or worse "I'll embarrass them." Another oft used line, "I'm the foreigner, they should make the initiative and talk to me." I've found so few people who are willing to initiate conversation, and none who will speak Japanese with me. I imagine their lives rolling on like mine did back in the states, only noticing the foreign born in my peripheries. How lonely and sad life must have been for some of the exchange students at UWEC. I wish I could go back and do it over again. I'd take people to the grocery store, buy them American snacks, teach them jokes and slang, hang out with them on a Friday night. What an important opportunity I missed, all because I could only see to the end of my personal bubble, a bubble I had inflated and marked with delicacy, one to be heavily guarded as if it were important. There were people back there, waiting for me. But somehow I found myself too busy with Mountain Dew cans, sunflower seeds, and games of online backgammon. How many games did I play in those brief years?

I learned a new definition of the word "ruminating" today. It's a psychology definition. It's classified as an addiction, but most people who have it don't know it. It's closely tied with depression and anxiety. It's a definition I've always lived with, but never known. Knowing - recognizing - is the first step.

The words to a poem I wrote 6 or 7 years ago come back to me:

"...I think so much I think I'll puke..."

Thinking is supposed to be a good thing, but when you think in a circle and wonder why your thinking never brings you anywhere.... desukedo...

I pray my thoughts are a reflection and not a rumination. I will work on this.

The Destroyer of Sound

2008-06-03T23:34:00.003+09:00

The devices of Twenty.

From day-1 he laid himself at their mercies.
Lungs that barely filled.
A perfect crush.
He imagined this was the way it was beneath their curl - full life wholly extinguished in the total grip. No side would be exposed to a tunnel of cool air.

Tired of another state that couldn't make up its mind on a season; the blankets came on, the blankets came off and then on again.

Light peaked on the horizon, ducked out curtly and reappeared through the haze. To the east he could see the shore, but it wasn't answering. Slowly the sounds overhead gave themselves up to the inexorable roaring, their life-blood ebbing. whooosh. He was in their curl.

.........

.

Night-time walking

2008-06-02T23:11:00.006+09:00

Sometimes I go for a walk.

Last night, I was in the walking mood. It's a mood kind of like the mean reds...you know, like the blues except for you're not getting fat and it's not raining. You're just sad, that's all. (And if you get that reference, I will kiss you.) So I grabbed my pack of Camel Lights, and my wallet, intending to buy a Mountain Dew at a vending machine down the road.

I don't smoke much, in fact I do very rarely. More often than not I just put the cig behind my ear. It's for show mostly. To look cool. However, last night I smoked four.

I set the tone immediately, my legs striking pavement cleanly and methodically. It was a bereaved walk. I walked on the left, tensely waiting the passing of each car as it came over my right shoulder. Everyone drives well over the speed limit here.

I made it to the mini oasis where my green slice of America awaited me. But somehow when I went to push the button my body betrayed me. I was convinced last second of the power of 50 lemons worth of Vitamin C packed into one can: CC Lemon. I had been feeling a bit under the weather and Vitamin C is at the very least a placebo for the trickle in my throat. I stood there next to the vending machine like a good Japanese boy sipping my soft-drink. It gave me time to hide in the shadows from the on-coming cars and to further investigate the selection. There was Pepsi-Cola in limited edition cans...that almost took 120 of my yen. There were family sized bottles of sweetened sports drinks for only 200 yen. And then I saw it: "American Coffee." The beige colored can was star-studded with an etching of a giant Cadillac and a voluptuous American woman lounging on the hood, one shoulder up, accentuating the hollow of her collar-bone. I had to have this. I put in my 120 yen, pressed the button, and picked up the can. It was an "American Coffee" but it had a different picture on the side by the same artist. So I tried a second time. This time a second separate design dropped down the chute. So calmly I tried again. We all know that the third time's the charm, but I was fully prepared for a 12-set design, and was going to keep popping hyaku-en coins until I got what I wanted. Anyway, it's not like I don't drink coffee.

As luck had it, the third try was the charm. I slid the other 2 cans down each front pocket and kept the prize in my coat, my pack of cigs opposite balancing her out. And that's how I walked through the rest of the mean reds; my thighs warmed by coffee, my baby linking fingers with mine.

.

Freedom

2008-06-01T18:53:00.002+09:00

It's incredible the level of sovereignty I have when staring over a blank page. The world is open to me, and I can take myself anywhere.

Sometimes I sit here, though, and nothing happens. I feel like I want to write, but that anything I put down won't adequately describe my feelings and experiences. So I pack it up.

Other times I sit down and just find myself too tired to type.

I worry a little bit that I'm becoming complacent. That I'm beginning to take things for granted. Then I argue with myself and say that I'm just trying to have a normal life and the fact that I'm not writing about every little thing proves I'm settling in.

But where's the joy in that? I think that if I stop writing I'll become dull.

I biked up into the hills again today. This time by gentsuki. These blue hills are so achingly beautiful. My feelings are often overwhelming as I ride though this land. It makes me want to sit down on the ground and weep. My heart pines for things not yet known as I ride.

I want someone to share this all with. Someone to sit next to and drink in the weight of this heady beauty with. Someone who gets it, silently, and communicates it with one touch of the eyes.

.

2008-05-26T22:29:00.002+09:00

I was right. One year in Japan isn't enough. I made up my mind to stay for a second year the second day I was in Japan. I knew that, for good or for bad or for worse, and no matter how I would be feeling come re-contracting time, I needed to stay for at least 2 years. Now I have been here almost 10 months, and things are just starting to pick up.

I had probably my best day yet in Japan today. Again, like my worst day, it's not because of any particular things that happened throughout the day, but because of my mindset. I feel more comfortable in my skin. I have begun to figure out how to relax. I'm getting into a routine. I'm choosing to be more responsible and getting things done.

God's showing me more of the next steps to becoming a diplomat. This is very exciting and very humbling since I have been asking for guidance in this as I fully trust His leading and timing.

It's an exciting time!

2008-05-19T00:22:00.003+09:00

I don't know if I ever got to the point in that last post published a few minutes ago, but basically I'm just saying that I'm happy and have some direction and am encouraged and know that things are going to turn out, whatever they may be.

Also, the time is now 12:23 am which means it's the 19th of May which means it's been exactly 1 year since my graduation from college. I really can't believe that. I can picture my graduation party being yesterday. I'm seeing it again - it's like life's been on pause back in the states while I've been here. I know that's not true, I know a whole nother year has passed at UWEC, but I can't picture it.

I'm 24 years old.

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upswing

2008-05-18T23:25:00.003+09:00

Picture a golfer in slow motion: the ball has been struck, its compressed shape reverberating from the recoil, the clipped grass dancing in the sunlight and catching the back-breeze, the club's blade rotating crisply and evenly... that's where I'm at. The upswing.

I have been here long enough to identify a shape on the culture-shock scale. I was excited and fresh in the first few months here. My positive attitude slowly dissipated in December, and by the week before I returned I was crying in my bed at night. I'm sure it had to do with the realization that I was going home and that I had missed 5 months of my loved ones' lives. When I returned to Japan the shock of realizing that America had been a vacation rather than the 5 months in Japan created a numbness that carried me through about 2 months until my degenerative culture-shock disease began to take effect again. I found myself frustrated in April and down right sarcastically scornful by April's last week. I felt bad because my parents were here and had to take the brunt of my poor attitude on more than a few occasions. I told them that it wasn't them, it was just me being fed-up. I remember describing it like this: The first several times that inconvenient or crazy things happened I was like, "haha, isn't this funny? I'll write a blog about it" but by the 20th time, and the 30th time and the 40th time it's just grown old.

I'm no longer seeing this world from just an outside perspective. Shizuoka is my home now. I'm part of it. I want a life here. I don't want a tour.

I think I'm happier now too because I'm again seeing some growth in my language learning. I'm starting to pick up more words, and new things are jumping out at me. Things that have always been there but I haven't been able to identify them. Like riding on the train. Before every stop the guy in the back would make some announcement that just sounded like a garbled stream of noise. Then I could understand "tsugi wa kambara. kambara desu." Which meant, "next up, kambara. This is kambara." Then I could pick out the words "hidari" or "migi" which mean "left" and "right" and gathered from those words that he was talking about which side the doors would open on. Then I could understand "wasuremono" which means "forgotten items" and then all of a sudden in like 2 days worth of time I found I could understand the most of what he said. "Tsugi wa kambara. Kambara desu. Origuchi was hidari gawa desu. Wasuremono wo hirotte kudasai." "Next up, Kambara. The exit doors are on your left. Please don't leave anything behind."

I think it's also my attitude. I'm assuming the best now and have ditched my sarcastic attitude. This country isn't out to get me, nor is any individual living here. I have a scooter and a real, rightfully gained and hard fought for license that makes me feel more like a human being. I feel in control since I'm am making choices rather than allowing myself to be happened to. There is nothing good in allowing myself to feel like a victim.

I'm content with God's good plan and am slowly and deliberately reminding myself of his power and his understanding that surpasses any pea-sized thought that squeezes itself out of my brain.
I have had some struggles recently seeing his sovereignty and cohesive and comprehensive grip on the world and its turnings. But then I started thinking, if God is powerful enough to create the universe with all its stars and planets, and to summon these things simply by the words of his mouth, then he also must have the authority over the powers of this world and the self-proclaimed powers of its inhabitants. A God who knit the world together, who knit a human, breathing and thinking body together, has it together. I can trust that.

It's easy for me to see the long run, but it's harder to constantly live in that truth day to day. That's probably why they say you should have a quiet time each morning and to feed yourself with God's Truth, found in his word, daily. I haven't been doing that and I know my life is less for it. Heck, not just my life but those lives that surround me as well.

The plan right now is to be a diplomat. A gaikoukan in Japanese. I think I'm going to take a day off work and schedule a tour of the US Embassy in Tokyo here soon. Then I'm going to look into getting an internship at the embassy or one of the consulates. Eventually I will take the Foreign Service Exam which is quite difficult, choose the Diplomatic route and hope to beat out 2 out of 3 qualified individuals for a 5-year training session as an FSO. One year of training and two 2-year posts in different places in the world with 1 post almost guaranteed to be a hardship position. Then after that a re-evaluation and hopefully an assignment where I realize a career. That's the plan.

Well, I should take my tired body to bed. I am excited by life right now. I'm thriving on the upswing. Keep my jaw relaxed and put in my 8 hours tomorrow.

.

If you're ever unsure of what Japanese verb to use, just use kakeru. Chances are you'll be right.

2008-05-14T11:09:00.003+09:00

Here are the uses of the verb "kakeru":

lack
want
chip
wane
hang
hang up
suspend (as in hanging a hat on a peg or laying your hand on someone's shoulder)
trap
dust
squirt
water (or adding spices and sauces)
cover
spread
bridge
span
lock, bolt or chain
button up
offer
spur
hail (as in hailing a taxi or speaking to a boy)
take
spend
use the brakes
play the radio
blast (start up an engine or set an alarm clock)
call
bring up
submit
lay out on the table
multiply (as in 4 x 5 = 20)
to insure
to ensure
pressure into doing something
suspect
bother or trouble
finish
press
iron
brush
to machine
screen
be concerned
favor
tax (as in put a tax on cheese)
sit
perch
wish upon
rest
pin
set one's heart on
put on or wear glasses
run, fly or tear
bet
lay
stake or wager
venture, gamble or put

and

set a price on one's life.

This is one useful verb.

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Thanks

2008-05-03T01:37:00.003+09:00

Thank you to a few, good close friends who have helped me change my outlook on life in Japan over the past couple of days. I can feel myself on an upswing now. I have decided to assume the best. Goodness knows I don't need to be adding to my own stress.

This is a time to enjoy.

Saved by Leinenkugel's

2008-04-24T20:05:00.002+09:00

I promised yesterday some anecdotes, so here's one for starters:

I mentioned before how difficult my gentsuki license test was. There were many questions that I had never come across and the wording was iffy on a few. Three of the questions referred to actions to be taken at an "amber traffic light." I know what amber means, and it's not exactly green, yellow or red, so I started thinking that it might be one of those caution lights that blinks above special signs on the side of the road. I was thinking that the color amber was most closely related to what we call a "yellow light" in English, but I couldn't be sure because of the label Japanese people give to "green lights." If you ask a Japanese person what the name of the light is that tells you to go, they'll say "ao" which is the Japanese word for "blue" even though the color of the light is actually green. I only had 30 min. to answer 52 questions with a similar caliber of ambiguity - I was running out of time for these 3 answers. I read the question again. "Amber traffic light, amber traffic light.....Amber Light!" I suddenly remembered the Leinie's beer of this same name. It was yellow in color. And "amber" now most certainly couldn't mean "red light" because Leinie's had a separate beer called Leinie's Red. I concluded that "amber traffic light" must mean "yellow light." I answered the questions and moved on in my quest toward gentsuki glory.

QED

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The Best and the Worst Day

2008-04-24T00:28:00.004+09:00

I had one of my worst days in Japan so far today. And it should really have been a good one - in fact, several good things happened and I will share a few anecdotes later, but all in all it was pretty terrible. The following run down is bad enough to sound cliche. You'll be expecting most of the twists and turns. However, it's not the sum of the individual events that made this a terrible day, it was my mindset trend lending its slowly revolving spiral to this day's accelerating affects.

I've known for a little while now that I miss home. It's not in passing - I miss America. I miss the midwest. I miss English. "O Home Beloved" has been playing through my mind for the past week. Maybe the knowledge that my parents are coming soon has triggered this longing. (I tried writing a haiku in Japanese about yearning for one's homeland on Monday). Or maybe it's been the stacking months void of tombstone pizza, colby and cheddar cheese, pop tarts or chicken patties. Cereal. There are a lot of staples that I've had to go without. For sure it's been missing friends. I want to hang out and have fun with the people that I love and I can't do that.

And my work environment has been stressful. It's such an unknown. It's difficult to know if I'm moving in the right direction or accomplishing goals. I never really hear anything so I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or the wrong thing, and if I'm doing the wrong thing, are people just being "Japanese" and not telling me? I wish I could read the social clues. I'm having a hard enough time learning the verbal language, am I ever going to understand the non-verbals?

I care too much what people think about me and it stresses me out. I'm never trying to upset anyone or step on any toes or do something wrong, but obviously I'm going to fail at several points simply because I'm living in a foreign context (and I'm human). But add on top of that the fact that I don't know how people are going to respond or what they are going to think or what they'll tell me, if anything. Back in the states I at least felt like I had the social aspect of life together - I was socially attentive, I could read situations and figure out what was happening, I was generally well-liked and respected, and I felt in command. I could take initiative, be responsible, be independent and be productive. Now I'm a toddler in a 24-year-old's body getting paid $30,000 a year to have my hand held. It's really frustrating and it makes me feel guilty to be constantly helped at work. I feel like I'm being a burden.

Tuesday we had a field trip. I went with the second year kids to Hamamatsu (a 2 hour drive or so) to go clam digging. (I'm not kidding). It was a great experience, and I have a bunch of pictures so I'll show those to you later. But it also meant I couldn't work on my lesson plans all day and I was going to be taking my scooter (gentsuki) license test today so half of today was supposed to be shot too. So I'm getting nervous and edgy already about getting stuff done on time.

Today began. I got up quite early to be ready for Furuya-san who was picking me up at my apartment at 7am. Today being Wednesday I normally would be at work, but I had taken nenkyu (paid vacation) until 2:15 so that I could use my morning to head down to the driving center to take my gentsuki test. The test is really inconvenient because you have to register between 8:30am and 9:30am on a Monday thru Friday and then start the test at 9:30. So I had to wait for a day when I didn't have any morning obligations. Today I didn't have class until 2:15 so I figured I'd be fine.

Well we make the 1hr 15min drive to the nearest driving center and I pay my $15 to get registered for the test and we wait and then I head up to the testing room and 2 different employees move me around to 3 different desks before everyone's settled in and they give a bunch of instructions in Japanese that I don't understand and I fill in some numbers and then they hand out the test. 52 questions and I have to score a 90%. I had purchased the English study book a few weeks ago and read through it 3 times, studying the gentsuki parts very closely. Yet on this administered test there were several questions whose answers were not found anywhere in the study book. I was getting nervous. It was in English, and I'm very grateful for that, but the translation wasn't perfect. One of the questions didn't even make grammatical sense. It was actually really, really hard - I had to repeat many questions over in my head several times to make sure I understood what they were asking. Afterwards I thought I had failed for sure and would have to make this whole trip down to the center another day. Furuya-san was more confident. His surety was based on the fact that my testing number was 007. My opinion was based on actual experience where I remembered having my butt handed to me by a series of twisted sentences. We were waiting in the lobby for the results to come in. Soon enough they flashed the numbers of those who passed up on a screen - 007 was on the list! I gave a shout and Furuya-san a high five. I had done it, I had won! Now all that was left was paying for my license and I'd be back to work.

How little have I learned in the past 9 months.

Soon after I pay another $16 and "volunteer" 12 more (I was told about some kind of program for teaching elementary kids traffic safety and that it would cost $12 and I said "no thanks" and the lady just looked at me in shock and Furuya-san said I better pay the volunteer money because that's what Japanese people do) I'm herded into a classroom where I learn that I have to attend classes that will last until 3:15 before I will be issued my license. I was shocked. I had a class to teach starting at 2:15, I couldn't stay for the classes. But if I didn't stay, I'd have to do this over again. And Furuya-san would have to take another whole day to take me. But if I stayed, I'd have to miss the class I was supposed to teach and inconvenience my JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) and Sarah (the other ALT). I was stuck. And with my mental state already ground into a fine powder, this lose-lose breeze sent me scattered.

I kind of knew that I really had to stay, but people at my school said I really should come back, that I needed to put my students first. That made me upset because I love my kids and have always tried to build them up and care about them individually and know and use everyone's name and what they're interested in and good at. They're what keeps me ticking when I'm at work. (It's certainly not planning curriculum...shudder, another taihen situation this spring). I just felt so bad because I knew I was letting people down and I also was worried about what people would think of me skipping out on work when I said I was going to be back. I worry too damn much about what other people think - I wish I didn't care. It makes it harder knowing that I'll never really be sure what people think because most Japanese people aren't going to give an honest answer. My JTE ended up saying it would be ok if I stayed, but I'm not sure if she was just saying that. Later on this evening when I finally got back to school I asked a different teacher if she was upset with me for skipping out on work. She said she wasn't personally upset but she worried because my JTE had said it was ok but that Japanese people will say things are ok when really they're not. This is what one of my Japanese teachers told me. If even she couldn't figure out if my JTE was mad or not, how am I ever supposed to know what they're thinking?

So you see the circles I start playing out in my head and then all of a sudden I'm looking at people out of the corners of my eyes trying to analyze their gestures and plot their movements because I think they're holding a silent grudge - this is not a good place to reach, and I realize I need a paradigm shift to work my way out of it.... anyways, on with the day.

Furuya-san did his best to encourage me and tell me everything was going to be fine, and I made a long phone call to my dad to talk through the situation and that was encouraging. I was convinced to just enjoy my afternoon of gentsuki class since I was staying and there was nothing more I could do about work. The afternoon was the bright spot in my day - maybe too bright since I had been sunburned on Tuesday while clam digging and now I was spending another unexpected afternoon in the sun's fierce rays. This was annoying, but I was determined not to let it ruin my fun...

We were pretty much stuck at the driving center for lunch, and the only food available was a la carte pastries sold by some lady out of her car in the parking lot. My stomach grumbled on. At the end of the classes Furuya-san drove me back to my apartment. I arrived at 4:30, 9 1/2 hours after I left for this license excursion. If anyone had told me beforehand that it would take 9 1/2 hours to get a scooter license I wouldn't have believed them. And if I had, I don't know if I would have come to Japan. Certain things can be so damn inconvenient. I really have a hard time imagining every single Japanese person having to take off an entire day of work just to get a diver's license. But I guess that's the way it's done. Once at home I was starving. I needed to get to school asap to try and salvage some relationships, so I just boiled some water to make instant yaki soba. When I went to pour off the excess water the top fell off and all the noodles fell into the drain in my sink. I swore but stayed calm and moved on, deciding to get something to eat at the convenience store on my bike ride to work. (You'd think I'd ride my gentsuki since I just got my license. But alas, my school won't give me permission to drive it to or from work because they say it's too dangerous - even though many other teachers drive gentsukis.) I ate my meal of ham steak on a stick and fried rice with soy sauce outside the convenience store and continued on to school. Once at school I answered a few e-mails, organized the pile of papers that had collected over the past day (biofuel farmers got nothing on my school when it comes to clearing forests) and talked with my teacher about missing school. I tried lesson planning for awhile, but couldn't find the teacher's manual that I had been working out of for one of my classes and got pretty discouraged looking EVERYwhere for that gosh darn book. I finally packed it up at 7:30 thinking that I could work on my lesson plans at home. (You can see how far I got on that project based on the length of this entry and the time of publication). Once at home I really just wanted to relax and clear my mind for once in this day so I hopped on my gentsuki and booked it up to McDonald's about 15 min. away. McD's was pleasant, however it started to rain when I was eating so I rushed through it and jumped back on my scooter to get back home. I of course wasn't wearing any rain gear, and my passport, cell phone and electronic dictionary were all in my pockets exposed to the rain. It started to pour. And it poured. I stopped under a bridge to try and wait it out since I couldn't hardly see anything and was afraid of getting run over or hydroplaning and dying. As I was waiting by the side of the road a car zoomed past me way over the speed limit and sent a giant wave of water over my entire body and bike. It was incredible. And that's when I finally lost it. The expletives have been left out of this publication.

I made my way swearing all the way home and into my house I peeled off my soaking clothes and set up my passport to try and get aired out - I hope the electronic chip in it still works. When I took off my sweatshirt I noticed my favorite white t-shirt (the monkey on a surfboard one from Horan Hall) was stained with big black splotches from the dye in my leather jacket. Here's where I started to cry for the first time. I really felt sorry for myself. I wanted to come home. (I guess I still do - reliving this day through words on the page calms my expression, but it isn't changing my resolve.) I took my t-shirt and my sweatshirt to the washing machine to wash them immediately and found that the load I had started before I left for McDonald's had tilted and quit with a bunch of soap suds in it still. And it had drained water on the floor. So I had to restart that load and hold off on my clothes with stains setting in. With the laundry started again a new round of swearing began during the mopping of the floor. And when I burned my thumb on an instant package of rice round 2 of my bout of crying began. That's when I said screw it to getting anything productive done at sat down at my computer. (Halfway through typing this my computer froze and I had to type part of it over again).

This day just isn't letting me go.

Well, deep breaths I guess. The encouraging words have come scattered throughout this day - I hope I can talk some more positive into me tomorrow. For now I have to sleep.

Luther

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Readyokgo

2008-04-20T04:04:00.002+09:00

"Yeah spring, is nice, in Canada. I mean Japan."

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Food

2008-04-20T03:18:00.005+09:00

I'm in the cooking club at school. We meet on Thursdays. We didn't cook this past week - we were supposed to research train station obentos instead. I took my computer up to the Language Lab and me and 5 other girls wikied it on the Japanese website. One of the pictures that came up was of "ikameshi" or a mini squid sawed in half with rice and spices stuffed up its hollowed body. I revolted when I first saw it and couldn't imagine anyone thinking this to be a good idea. The girls thought it was funny that I thought it was gross. Here's the picture:

So the next day (Friday) I was biking home from school when I suddenly slammed on the brakes. Here I was thinking how gross it was to stuff rice up a squid, when what did my family ceremoniously and with great joy and rigor do every Thanksgiving? We slit a turkey's neck, rip out its insides and stuff it full of bread and spices! And somehow that never occurred to me as weird...

Mmmm, delicious.....

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Luther's axioms

2008-04-20T03:12:00.002+09:00

Confidence is 90% of everything.

Biking into a strong headwind will never be fun.

Beauty lies in contrast.

Smoking is cool.

And this one's not mine, I actually stole it from the movie "BIG." --- In the end, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.

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Questions I answered for a student journalist

2008-04-09T12:19:00.000+09:00

Why did you choose to teach english abroad? And why did you choose the
country you chose?

I chose to teach English abroad for a couple of reasons. First, I have always wanted to live in a different country for an extended period of time in order to experience a different culture, and second, I enjoyed volunteering with teaching English for a bit in college. I knew it would be a challenge, and was excited for the experience. Japan attracted me because it is modern, but non-Western. I had wanted to study abroad here while in college, but the timing didn't work out. So when I learned of the JET Program a few semesters before I graduated I decided to apply. (I had to submit my application about 8 months before the expected departure date).

How did you prepare for leaving the US? How long are you staying? Are
you under contract?

There was a lot of preparation. I am under a one year contract with the JET Program (Japan Exchange and Teaching) which is a Japanese governmental program. I'm paid by taxpayers. I can renew my contract up to 4 times for a total of 5 years. Since this is a very reputable program with thousands of participants each year and many more applicants, the preparations are rigorous and extensive. There was everything from getting my fingerprints taken to applying for a visa to filling out tax forms - and of course packing. It took me about a week to figure out what to bring and about 4 hours to limit it down so it could fit into my luggage. I also bought a laptop and a camera.

As for mental preparation, I hosted a party at my house for friends and family (it was also a kind of a graduation gathering for my sister and me) and got together with good friends for what I knew would be the last time together for a while. I also ate some of my favorite foods (it's really hard to find cheese with flavor here in Japan).

I recently resigned for another year, so I'll be here for a total of 2 years at least, maybe longer.

I always hear teaching english abroad is rewarding...has it been for
you? Why or why not?

There's definitely been a learning curve for this job of teaching. My major wasn't education, so I don't really have the theory or background to be doing this...just a fluency in English! One thing they tell you in the JET Program is E.S.I.D. - Every Situation Is Different, and it's true. At my school they are expecting me to write curriculum and order textbooks...not something I really know how to do, but I've been doing some research and am doing the best I can with it. I suppose I'll have everything figured out by the time I have to leave.

Knowing the kids is really rewarding. I have a ton of fun chatting with them or hanging out with them during club activities (band, tennis, soccer, etc.). I often see my kids outside of school in my small town so we'll chat or bike together. It's fun to see these kids growing and maturing and improving with English.

And of course there's all the "abroad" aspects. I have met so many interesting people from countries all over the world. I really didn't expect to have as much contact with other foreigners as I have had. I have friends who are from Canada, England, Scotland, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, Trinidad and Tobago, South Africa and all over the US. I've met people from Indonesia, Malaysia, Brazil, Cambodia, and China. Struggling to live a 'normal' life here has been rewarding too. There are so many challenges that really can't be anticipated because they're either so unknown, or I've taken certain aspects of my life for granted. Like rules on throwing away garbage, or trying to find edible/cookable food in the grocery store or buying a bicycle, riding the train....I can't list them all. But, I'm still alive and beginning to thrive so that's been rewarding.

How did research help your experience overall?

Hmmm... I did relatively little research before coming. I took a religions of East Asia class and History of East Asia class in college, I lived in the same dorm as a Japanese exchange student for a year and was friends with him, I took a Japanese language class and hung out with some Foreign Exchange students at a coffee hour each week. My family hosted a Japanese student for 5 weeks the summer before I came here. Does that count as research? Also my roommate my last year of college lived in Japan for 4 months so he told me a lot about Japan. I wrote a few e-mails back and forth with my predecessor to learn about my particular school and city. Despite these things though, I still realized that I was going to be unprepared on many levels no matter how much research I did. Like I said before there are so many things that are different that just can't be anticipated. I just came with an open and inquiring mind, an adaptability to change, and a willingness to "just roll with things." Not that it hasn't been hard at times...

What has been the biggest adjustment and/or challenge?

Whooo.. I'm not sure. One girl mentioned to me at our initial orientation that, not only was she living abroad for the first time, but she was now living alone for the first time. That struck me. It's been an adjustment living in my own apartment (having always lived with family or roommates before) especially now that I have a much smaller support network. It does get lonely here missing friends and family.

Another huge struggle - probably the bigger one - is the language barrier. If anyone tells you that you can move to Japan and you don't have to learn Japanese- that everyone speaks English here - they are dead wrong. It is possible to survive without speaking Japanese, but you cannot thrive. Not being able to communicate basically relegates me to sitting in my apartment or moving on rotation through a few rote, familiar steps. It's not a lot of fun. So I've been studying and studying and taking all the opportunities I can to use Japanese. I live here, but since I teach English for my employment, I'm not really immersed. I have to be purposeful in finding people that will patiently communicate with me in Japanese. I've said to many other friends over the past few months that learning Japanese and making Japanese friends is going to be the bellwether for success.

What, if anything have you heard about scams while teaching abroad?

There was a big problem with NOVA a few months ago - I think the CEO or President was stealing a bunch of money. They had to shut down most of the schools and many teachers were out of a job. Most either had to quickly find other employment in order to pay for their food and housing or go home.

What do you enjoy most about teaching abroad?

I like living next to the ocean and these beautiful hills. I also have an incredible view of Mt. Fuji from my school. I like meeting people from different cultures and having conversations about what's going on in the world.

What do you dislike about teaching abroad? If anything...

Not having a car. I could get one with some effort, so maybe I'll do that if I plan on staying longer than 2 years.
Missing friends. And I sometimes feel sorry for myself because I can't eat Tombstone Pizza.

How are the classes conducted? How much control over classrooms do you have?

It really varies, but like I said, I'm kind of left to my own devises. We have a lot of support through the JET Program, and even more through my contracting Prefecture. They have provided teaching tips, lesson ideas and a reassuring voice. The JETs in this program help each other out a lot as well. Technically the program is based on "Team Teaching" where a JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) and an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher - that's me) teach each class together. Ideally we sit down together each week and go over what we want to teach and how we're going to teach it (selecting activities, etc.). Arriving halfway through the school year, I kind of just went at it week by week throwing activities together so the kids could learn English. I designed all the classes and the JTE was mostly just there to help with class management. I teach with another ALT at my school (not common in this program) so we've been given a couple of classes a week where we teach without a JTE. This week is the start of the new school year, and I'm trying to do things differently. Since I'm here from the beginning now, I picked out some texts and scheduled overall goals for the term, so I hope that will help me organize the order of individual lesson plans. I'm also working in the JTE a lot more so that it becomes team teaching.

What are your living arrangements like?

I live in teacher housing about a 15-20min. bike ride from school (depending on the wind, grrrr....). It's subsidized by the government, so I pay a little over $200 a month for an apartment with 2 bedrooms, a living room, large kitchen, bathroom area and entrance way. I also have a small walk-in storage space outside (I keep my Honda SuperCub in there as well as my recycling - I haven't figured out how to get rid of that yet). The apartment was quite dirty and moldy when I moved in, and the air-conditioner didn't work. I scrubbed for about 12 hours. The moldy smell eventually went away after running a dehumidifier 24/7 for 3 weeks and blowing fans. The place is nice all things considered and is a 5 min. walk, 3 min. run from a train station so it's easy to get out of my tiny town and find some excitement. (I do like my city - it's quaint.)

Explain your social life?

Most of my friends are other Westerners, though recently I've been really trying to make Japanese friends. It helps that my Japanese is improving so that I can communicate with people on basic levels. I usually get together with another ALT(s) at least 4-5 times a month. I recently hosted a party at my apartment and about 20 people came, so that was fun. I work with and now live right next to another ALT so a lot of my social time is spent with her. I'm staring to spend a lot more time with this girl named Yuriko, maybe she'll be my girlfriend soon...

In your opinion, is there a certain type of person who chooses to
teach english abroad?

I've discovered that most of the people in the JET Program like to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. My voice went hoarse during our Tokyo Orientation (1200 JETs gathered together for 3 days in Shinjuku). Most people here are outgoing, though of course not all. Most people are very intelligent and interested in global issues. Many people are active in helping people through all kinds of ways all over the world. A lot of JETs like to travel. Of course people who want to teach abroad and still enjoy it after getting here have an adaptability to change and a willingness to try new things.

What advice would you give to someone considering teaching english abroad?

Go for it! It's going to change your life.

Vessel

2008-04-01T11:44:00.003+09:00

The precious gem of life-in-Japan has grown many facets since I have been here. Hardened through the pressure of experience and the passage of time this once primordial lump of naivety has grown into a glittering stone, casting light in every direction. The complexities of life are being revealed.

Eight months have passed since I’ve been in Japan. (That’s two-thirds of a year gone, Steve). Many of those initial months passed in a vacation mindset with Japanese people appearing as little more than a curious aspect of this foreign place. I’ve really struggled to grasp the reality of their existence as people, as individuals with personalities and humor and family and backgrounds and all the other complexities of the individual life. I live here in this country, yet I live outside of its process, alienated by my inability to communicate. I have long realized the in to this world is language.

Last weekend, for the first time, I tried to use Japanese. Before this I had only ever uttered sounds, muttered laborious incantations like a child translating into pig-latin. English was the language of thought, English was how the world operated and Japanese was only a secret, seemingly impenetrable code that I could only grasp in the way a dog grasps human language.

Yet all of this changed when I dove headfirst into this language’s tempestuous waters. No longer a lever for pellet food, Japanese was now the vessel of human relation.

My speaking partner (my friend, my human contact!) was Yuriko with whom I have been speaking English for the past few months. I have increasingly felt my destituteness in this culture and have grown adamant in my demands to learn the language, so we decided to use only Japanese for the rest of our evening together. And the world changed to color.

We were at the mall when it happened. Because I was sharing the language I suddenly felt connected to the people around me. There was every opportunity and every possibility for interaction. Individuals gained backgrounds as history rushed into the room. Their features gave way to layers of personality. I even gained that veil of self-consciousness that comes when one realizes he is being perceived. The full vibrancy of life was in my grasp.

When we spoke Japanese that day, Japan became real to me. I have now seen this world through the opened door of possibility, and beyond it all of life awaits me.

Lots of Pictures

2008-04-01T11:38:00.004+09:00

More Tokyo pictures from that same trip

My first car. I paid cash

Valentines, Graduation and Food

Food, a little of my life, the Man Bag

2008-03-24T23:27:00.002+09:00

I was sitting in my livingroom yesterday reading a book when I heard this sharp buzzing coming from my computer. I was almost finished with the book, so I didn't want to get up and investigate. As I read though, the combination of buzzing plus worry for my machine made it difficult to concentrate. I hurried through the last few pages of George W. Bush's second term in office (I was reading a U.S. history book) and got up to check out my computer. When I got close though I found that the noise wasn't coming from it. I turned to the kitchen and radared my ears about, settling on the stove. This was also a serious realization because if it was a gas leak it had now been going for some time and maybe I should get out of the house. I turned the pipe off. The sound continued. Now my ear went to the vent leading outside. I opened my sliding door and it hit me: cicadas. "Oh no, it's only March," I thought. I was waking up to these guys in September. My only hope is that we'll get a real cold spate and all the cicadas will die. And their children.

If not though, I suppose I'll get used to their chorus like I have with the prefectural highway that runs 40 meters from my head. I'll just hope for harmony when their undulating sounds mix in the summer heat.

Marriage

2008-03-14T20:28:00.011+09:00

A twenty-four year old, not-currently-dating, bachelor’s thoughts on love and marriage:

When I was younger I used to think that dating and getting married was about finding the right person. When the “are you dating someone?” question was posed to me, I would answer, “no, I haven’t found the right person yet.” In college I got involved with a Christian ministry and through them I heard a new adage: “Getting married is not about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person.” The reasoning behind this seemed to make sense. This statement takes into consideration the duration of marriage and how feelings cannot carry you all the way through. I’ve heard it said that the “honeymoon period” of a marriage lasts about 8 months to 2 ½ years. After that it can be downright hard work to remain in love at times. So it partially means that one has to work at being married rather than relying on the “compatibility” to carry both through.

This collegiate statement also was getting at the fact that one needs to have their own self-identity settled and be comfortable being single before looking for a spouse. This is related to another thing I heard several times: “If you’re not happy as a single person, you can’t expect to be happy simply by dating.” Be ok with who you are before introducing that self to another person.

Lastly, this statement means to be on the right path in the pursuit of God and to be continually submitting to Him. Marriage is meant to be a reflection of the Gospel – a reflection of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for the church (Eph 5:25-33).

As good and pure as these things are, I was always a little uncomfortable with marriage being defined as being “not about finding the right person…” Really what this statement lends itself to is the conclusion that any two people in the world could get married and it would work out. I actually heard this conclusion made explicitly. I believe that one should work at marriage, that he and she should be comfortable with their own identities and certainly that they both should center the relationship on Christ. But when it’s said that it doesn’t matter who you find, I see that as being detrimental to the future relationship. It’s like saying to your spouse, “I could have married anyone really, it was more convenience that anything else. However, I’m working extra hard to make this work – (love is a verb, right?) – that’s what it’s about. Don’t you agree my 1-in-a-5 wife?” It’s saying to your spouse that they’re not special. It takes the pursuit right out of it.

I have recently made my own statement about marriage building upon the things I have heard, learned and experienced: Marriage is about being the right person for the person you find. This retains all the good advice and Godly things about being the right person without ditching the serendipity (I can’t believe I found you!), or the giddy feelings of love (I can’t even eat…), or the draw of her beauty (My jaw literally dropped when I saw you) or the pursuit (I will fight for you, climb the highest tower for you…).

And it also speaks to the unique relationship offered by the other person. Marriage or relationships can’t be successful simply by following a pattern set out by a Christian manual or series of sermons. This person in your life is an individual with their own dreams and fears, their own glories and failures, their own story and experience of life. Through it all it’s her you’re responding to, it’s him you’re answering, it’s her you’re cherishing in all her glorious uniqueness.

In the past I’ve sat on the sidelines and waited for the right person to come along, I’ve been complacent with the people I’ve found, I’ve been the wrong person and sought selfish gains, and I’ve failed to pursue or to cherish or to celebrate what makes a person special. So I’m going to be different from here on, I’m going to follow my new found mantra, I’m going to build people up in love rather than tearing them down. And when I find that woman I’m going to pursue her with everything as I strive to be the man of her dreams. And if it’s right she’ll be so glad to have found me too.

God, bless this. Be everything to me and all I need. Be my best friend and my constant collocutor.

“I will fight for you, climb the highest tower for you” taken from Bradley Hathaway’s “Manly Man.”

Ordinary

2008-03-13T15:10:00.002+09:00

Let me explain to you what it’s like to live in a different country.

Imagine this scenario:

You’re sitting in your living room reading a book as day turns to dusk; it’s getting darker. So you get up, get a lamp and plug it into the wall. You continue reading.

Simple, right? Not too much thinking involved? This is a very ordinary part of anyone’s day, and requires very little brain energy to accomplish. However, let me explain to you how I am experiencing this scenario:

I’m sitting in my house and I would like a little more light. So I take my lamp sent from the US and go to plug it into the wall. However, upon inspection I find that my lamp’s plug has 3 prongs while the outlet only has 2 holes. I look around my room but all the outlets have only 2 holes. I look in the rest of my house but cannot find a 3 pronged outlet. Even the washer and refrigerator only have 2 prongs. I then go through my assortment of extension cords and power strips but find nothing there that can help me. So now I have to go to my town’s Walmart-esque store to look for an adapter. So on my way home from school I make a detour to stop by the store. Here I peruse the aisles and don’t find a proper adapter. Now I have to find an employee and try and formulate some kind of sentence to get him to understand my request. I end up walking him to an outlet in the store and describing in motions my problem. He walks me to a different selection, but there are still no “3 to 2” adapters. I’ve now spent considerable time in my quest to plug something in, and am back to square one. I now have to think about what other stores might sell adapters. So I ask around for some suggestions. I have to write the names of these stores down because they have crazy names that I won’t be able to remember. None of these stores is in my city, so I have to try and figure out where they’re located. I discover that both stores are right next to each other somewhere in Shizuoka City. This is all I know at present. I now have to figure out where exactly these stores are. I’ll look at maps, formulate some sentences for directions that I can ask in Japanese, look up train times and bus schedules, figure out what bus stop I need to get off at, and find out the stores’ hours. All in Japanese of course. Then I’ll have to clear some time in my schedule to go down there and make sure I stop by an ATM before I go (my own banks’ ATM charges me a fee after 6pm) so that I’m sure I have enough money since I have to pay for everything in cash. And since I haven’t done any of these new things yet, who knows what other misadventures are awaiting me upon my embarkment.

So now you can see what kinds of things I have to think about while living in a different country. And this is only 1 episode. Imagine stories like this for cooking food, doing laundry or taking a shower. These “simple” things occupy my time, tax my energy and fill my mental capacities. It can be busy work just moving through an ordinary day here.

So please, the next time you plug something into the wall, don’t take it for granted. Step back and appreciate the simplicity of that activity, that you were able to do so much with so little effort, and realize that now you are able to use your energy to accomplish greater things.

2008-03-07T20:57:00.002+09:00

I stop by the shoe lockers on my way out of school. Here I keep my "outside" shoes during the workday when I'm wearing my knock-off crocs. Street shoes aren't allowed anywhere in the school, and if I want to enter the gym I need a second pair of indoor shoes kept in yet another set of shoe lockers. Each small lockless locker has its owner's name pasted on the outside. Mine simply reads: "Luther." My last name is used by very few people (and misspelled, even in their own alphabet when it is) and as for the rest of my school I don't think they even know I have a last name. I'm kind of like a one name celebrity. Like Sting or Bono or....Cher. (shudder)...ok I don't want to think of myself like that anymore.

I won't even get into the inconveniences that having a middle name has caused me.

So I guess one name will suffice for the time being. But, if you are one of those people back home who knows my name - really knows it - and can pronounce it correctly, I'd love to hear you say it some time. Heck, you could just write it and draw a little picture of those words coming out of your mouth. I'd be happy.

Gentsuki Gentsuki Gentsuki!

2008-02-25T23:01:00.002+09:00

I bought a Honda Super Cub! I am so pumped and it is so cool! Look it up on the web by clicking here. Mine is like the green one in the first picture if you scroll down except for it's dark blue. It only had 3100 km on it when I bought it, but I've already put 120 km on it in 3 days. I drove it up to Yamanashi (another prefecture) on Saturday in the middle of a wind storm without glasses on and debris was hitting me in the face so hard that it actually ended up tearing a piece of my contact off. I noticed it this morning when I was putting them in. But I didn't care because I had wheels and finally, finally I'm able to go where I want to at the speed I want to and have a ton of fun. Tonight I rode up to the Fujikawa Rakuza (Fujikawa rest area) Starbucks to study and drink coffee. The people who work there (mostly girls in their 20s) are super nice, and everyone knows me now because I've been coming a couple times a week for a month now and I stick out like a brilliant white light at midnight. It is so awesome to have wheels.

Tonight I hopped on my super cub to show my new ride to Sarah before heading up to Starbucks. So, if you didn't read it on wiki, I'll just go ahead and tell you that this vehicle of mine gets 340 miles to the gallon. No, you didn't read that wrong. Rub your eyes and look at it again. Having been given a quarter tank (1 litre) with my purchase of the vehicle and it's invincible mileage, I figured I wouldn't have to bother thinking about filling up for quite sometime. However, I was soon reminded that while 340 miles to the gallon is a lot, it's not infinity mpg.

I was cruising down the street on my way to the shin-kambara neighborhood when my bike started sounding funny. It kept making sputtering noises and losing speed even when I held the throttle in the same place. I was like, "what's going on, I'm not moving my hand," and I thought that something was wrong with my bike. Then I was thinking, "this feels a lot like when the riding lawn mower is running out of gas....oh wait." Then my bike died. I was trying to make it to the gas station, and came up about 80 meters short, so it was only a brief jog to get it over to the full service station. Unfortunately fate chose that brief time period to send Julianna (the cute Brazilian girl who takes Japanese lessons at the community center with me) biking past my sorry butt pushing my gentsuki up the road. She asked if I was ok and I said yes, of course, the gas station was just right there. Oh if she could only have seen me 200 meters earlier when I still had the fumes of a soaring Achilles...invincible in all but my heel, and I think you know where my gentsuki's heel is.

I'm reminded of the Mitch Hedberg stitch - "I don't know anything about fixing cars. Except when the needle is pointing to 'E.' Then I get all cocky: 'Don't anyone move, I got this one. Let me just reach into my toolbox, aka "wallet."'"

Well I made it to Sarah's and she came out of the cold night to bask in it's warm glory. I then continued on my way to the Starbucks to study a bit and drink some coffee. I ended up talking with a couple of the girls working there, Tomomi and Miyuki, for about 20 min. so I didn't get in as much studying as I would have liked, but then again conversation is a great place to practice my Japanese and it's super nice to be friendly and meet people.

Ok - my computer battery is starting to run out and I told myself I wouldn't plug it in so that I would have motivation to write this quickly and get to bed (boo to the coffee keeping me going at this unnatural pace) so I'm going to give some quick updates on other things going on in my life that I'm sure I can expand on in a few future posts.

I've been seeing Yuriko (my travel agent) almost weekly now since I've been back in Japan. She called me the second week of January to ask if I'd teach her English, so we've been getting together for quite informal "lessons" or "dates" as I also like to refer to them as. Yuriko is quite cool and I've enjoyed each week more and more. It's nice to have a Japanese friend who has a strong command of the English language because then I can be myself.

I think I'm starting to catch a tiny glimpse of the horizon of the continent of initial understanding of Japanese. Like I'm Columbus and India is fluency and I know I'll never get there, but if I can somehow accidentally make it as far as the Caribbean, maybe I'll settle for that much. From there it might be possible to dig a Panama Canal and arrive (centuries later) at my destination, but for now I'm shooting for the New World. Heck, I'll be happy if I can just make it across this ocean of learning without becoming fish food. Scurvy might be ok.

An update on my heart: I got the results back in English and it looks like it's simply an arrhythmia or an irregular heartbeat which approximately 0.75% of the population has, so there's not too much to worry about. There's no treatment necessary, I just have to go in once a year to get it tested.

School is...school. I love the kids and I have a great situation, but I don't know if teaching is the ultimate career path for me. I don't understand curriculum planning or how long things are going to take. I like being in the classroom and up in front of the students and I love helping them, but I often don't know where to begin with my planning.

My involvement with the Navigators here continues. I just met last week 3 new long-termers: The O'Donnells. (sp?) Brian is 30 and his wife Jaymi is 24 and their son Jones is 10 months and already running around all over the place.

...wait, I'm 24. Where's my family? I can't hardly believe that I'm old enough to have peers getting married and having children. It's quite surreal.

Anyway, they both seem really nice and cool people. Both had been here before on short term missions work and Brian can speak a little bit a Japanese already so that makes things a little easier. I can only imagine though trying to get a young family settled here and for the long haul at that. And I mean long haul. They're basically committed for an indefinite period of time with an initial 2 years of full time language study and then they'll be starting their formal mission work. Crazy. The O'Donnells seem a lot like a typical young Navigator couple. Brian plays guitar and Jaymi sings. They did a song with a slide show as an introduction on Sunday. I think about the dozen or so Navigator couples I know who got married while I was going to UWEC. Crazy.

Elbert and Mandy and Aileen and Ruth were all away on the BEST Club ski trip. Power to them for their harrowing journey and fellowship with the Japanese college students. I hope there were a lot of good conversations during the trip.

I attended the "Behop" (Bible, English, HOuse Party) party on Sunday evening. I've been helping out as a volunteer at this English circle every other Friday night.

And I haven't even begun to talk about Furuya-san and all the help and entertainment he's provided me through my community Japanese lessons and gentsuki buying. (Yeah, a lot more on this later).

Things are looking up since the last couple of posts. Like I hinted at before, I do feel like I'm turning a corner somewhat. I see my language improving a bit and I can actually hear Japanese now. I don't understand the words people are saying necessarily, but I can tell that they're saying words rather than just a bunch of jumbled, Nirvana-esque melody lines.

I made a potato dish with cheese. Not real cheese, and my grocery store didn't have cream of chicken soup so I had to settle for cream corn soup. That, for some strange reason, is quite popular here.

Been playing guitar a bit too. I have the 6th Harry Potter book in my possession but haven't started reading it yet. After the tests start at my school I should have more time.

Okeydoke, I'm going to turn this computer off now, so goodnight.

Cheers,
Luther

Getting together with Camp Omega friends...in Tokyo!

2008-02-21T09:00:00.000+09:00

Pictures and stories.

http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2122175&l=15c9e&id=59501063

Some crazy stuff happened, you know, the norm

2008-02-21T08:40:00.002+09:00

Pictures!

http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2121660&l=19ed9&id=59501063

Tearing

2008-02-09T17:47:00.001+09:00

I know what’s my problem. I’m tearing between 2 worlds. Two mindsets, two lands, two languages, two physicalities. I'm being stretched, tortured by these polarities. In my apartment I’m home but the outside is strange and scary. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to break this. I want it to snap. I need to exist as 2 separate beings in both places, I cannot stretch myself between the two, the tension is too great. How do I cut the line? And when I cut it, how do I live so that I hang on to both mes? Do I set aside an increment of time? “Ok, for this half hour I’m in Wisconsin. For this half-hour I’m in Minnesota. For the next 36 hours I’m in Kambara.”

I think I just make the most out of every moment, realizing that I do exist in 2 places. There are going to be unique and crazy thoughts because of this. I’m going to find myself in places I never imagined. I should commit my mind to whatever task is before me, in whatever spectrum it may be. Make a decision, and enjoy being in the place where it brings me.

Choose responsibility.

Make a decision.

Do not waste any time wallowing.

Live cleanly.

Absorb your surroundings as you enjoy them candidly, and then know that you are a part of it.

Realize that people surround you everywhere.

A smile reaches across all cultures.

pics

2008-02-02T23:40:00.000+09:00

First few weeks back in Japan:

http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2119757&l=787b6&id=59501063

Aa...bla!

2008-02-02T22:02:00.000+09:00

Thought stream, lazer beam, whipped cream, eau claires...

I haven't written in a while and maybe I'm ready to explode, maybe the moment will pass a la "lost in translation." I need to see that movie again now that I live here.

BTW I'm listening to Cracked Rear View right now... first CD I ever bought.

Something caught my eye the other day as I was biking to school- something that I never want to forget nor do I think I ever will. It's playing in my mind now, those few precious seconds of time, vivid and candid. I was passing a group of students on their way from the train station and I looked left and saw a man lifting a crate of freshly caught sakura shrimp. Behind him stretched several yards of black drying tarps with hundreds of square feet of shrimp already laid out for that day's drying. I remember thinking to myself in that moment, "This is how I want to remember Japan." I can't explain it I guess, other than the brilliant way my pictoview was displayed, cutting and fresh to my morning eyes.

I'm caught so physically between home and here. Living in my apartment, existing in this room with my English books, my English thoughts, my English facebook... I said this to Will over break when I was home - I often feel like I'm going to walk out of this apartment and hop in my car and drive over to his place for a visit. Then I realize he's 10,000 kilometers away and I can't do that. Then I walk out of my house and see my rusty bicycle in my parking spot, hear the words I can't understand and feel my small world stretching slowly from my feet.

I signed on for another year. It's official. I turned in my signed contract form to my supervisor this past week. I had already decided my second day in Japan that I would sign on for another year. One year is not enough to spend in another country, and looking at it after 6 months I still feel the same. What have I really learned here in this brief period? I'm not saying I've learned nothing, far from it. But I think I need more time to really flesh out some deeper meaning. Certainly practically I need more time here to learn the language.

I spent 2 1/2 hours this Saturday evening in Starbucks studying Japanese. It felt good to be there, it felt like a corner of America pulled up to these shores and tucked in around my sides. I slept in its aroma and dreamed of home.

Time Change

2008-01-13T16:19:00.000+09:00

I changed the time format on my computer so it should read my time of posting. I had tried changing it earlier, but it didn't work, so I'll have to watch it for the next few posts. All previous posts are behind by 16 hours.

*edit* Oh woa, no way! Blogger changed all the times automatically, so they all now say the times of publication in my reference frame. (Except for the first few which were published from Chicago).

I live on the ocean

2008-01-13T16:09:00.001+09:00

"I live on the ocean"
by Luther Flagstad

I live on the ocean, yeah the ocean

Where the land meets blue

And the mountains kiss the sea.

My time waits and radiates

A love of that’s ancient and grey.

I sing to the ocean, yeah the ocean

And take another drag.

Where moonshine tastes like sweet rice cakes

And reflects off the wavetops to me.

I smile for the ocean, yeah the ocean

With its roaring surf and unknown deeps.

The sun it soaks into me.

My bicycle takes a hundred wakes

And keeps on lickin’ and tickin’.

It’s over now for a thousand hours

Till heat grabs me and bakes.

I stand by the ocean, yeah the ocean

Who dares defy me with her.

I know it and then it scares me again

Till I go begging on knees.

I fancy the ocean, yeah the ocean

Please take me down someday.

For there’s no other tow I’d rather pull

Than the final one left for me.

Grandpa

2008-01-13T00:40:00.000+09:00

Ok wow, I just spent the better part of my late evening watching "vlog" posts on YouTube and I've realized that I am way behind. Maybe it's the fact that I'm 24 and from the baby boomer generation for the Internet or maybe it's the fact that I hate computers, but wow am I behind. Just today I figured out how to make links go through words that I type (they turn blue and get underlined!) and I thought I was cool. And now I'm watching "vlogs." I had never even heard of the word before this evening.

I did get a computer camera for my Birthday this past November, so maybe I'll have to dust it off and try it out sometime soon. I think it would be pretty cool to jump on the video blogging train. (hee hee...vlog).

Whaling

2008-01-12T12:52:00.000+09:00

Here's a great article on the Japanese position.

This article describes my stance on this issue as well. Currently the Japanese are hunting whales under the classification of research with approval from the International Whaling Commission. They are continuing to test for numbers in order to make a final decision on reopening commercial whaling. The Japanese are going about their whaling in an appropriate and responsible manner. There is no threat to the sustainability of the species they are hunting. The Minke whales are at "Lower Risk" status, and while the Fin whale is "Endangered," the Japanese fleet is only taking a planned 50 per year from a population estimate of 50,000.

The efforts being made by the Greenpeace ship near Antarctica are a waste of time and ideology. If Greenpeace were really concerned about the environment and the sustainability of our species through the preservation of foodstuffs they would be reallocating their energy to the issue of bluefin tuna depletion. Greenpeace has published a report on the increasingly dire situation but more needs to be done.

If I'm left scratching my head over Greenpeace, I'm fearful of groups like Sea Shepherd. Sea Shepherd also has a ship in the Southern Ocean, but this ship is not intended for protest only. It is there to seek and destroy Japanese whaling ships. The leader of this group, Paul Watson, has rammed ships in the past, and he is trying to do it again. These people value the lives of whales over the lives of humans, and they won't hesitate putting people in danger if they think it will help save the life of an animal.

Other groups that I've found on facebook and the internet are downright despicable, and I won't quote them here because they are unnecessary, illogical and offensive.

The Gender Factor

2008-01-11T16:58:00.001+09:00

Read this article:

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/01/10/america/women.php

I am sure that gender is a factor in this primary season. No doubt people view Hilary differently because she is a woman. No doubt people are asking different questions. No doubt people are throwing down new bolts of criticism. This is happening and will continue to happen, and I think it should be addressed with formidable discussion. I'm just sorry to see the discussion moving in the wrong direction.

There are people that look at Clinton and say they won't vote for her because she is a woman. This is wrong. But it is almost as equally wrong to vote for her because she's a woman, which is the demographic that pulled Clinton into the lead in New Hampshire this week. The discussion so far about gender ends with Election Day. We must look farther.

I say that voting for Clinton because she's a woman is "almost as equally wrong" because I do believe there is symbolic power in having a woman president. I think it will be positive motivation and positive precedence for better gender equality throughout the U.S. However, when we vote for someone based on their gender rather than their abilities, we are making a grave mistake.

The question is not"is a woman capable of leading the United States?" The question is "who is capable of leading the United States?" This is what we must be discussing, analyzing, and debating as we move towards November.

Back Baby

2008-01-10T22:48:00.000+09:00

I've lost the will to read. I think my facebook profile says I'm reading 9 books right now or something like that. I just don't have it in me right now. Maybe I'm just in shock from being back. I realized here just a day ago that I am really here for the long haul. That this is my home now. When I was back in America over winter break it felt like the past 5 months in Japan were a vacation. I lived in America, I went to Japan for 5 months, then I came back to America. But wait, what? Now I'm in Japan again. How did that happen? What am I doing back here? Oh yeah - those 2 weeks in America, that was my vacation. Now who knows, I might not see my homeland again for a year-and-a-half.

I remember singing "O Home Beloved" in Brazil (over 2 years ago now!) and crying, thinking about my home so many miles away. And that was only after being gone for 10 days. The Odyssey rings more true in my mind now too, thinking about Odysseus' longing for his homeland. During his 20 years abroad that was his continuous thought - Ithaca. Man has such a longing for his birthland, his people, his origins.

On my harrowing journey back to Kambara from the airport in Narita I stood behind a guy who was wearing a backpack with his name in sharpie marker across the back. His last name ended in "stad" and it made me keep reading through his address....Norway! The guy was Norwegian! It made me very happy because he looked like me. Norwegians are awesome because we are very strong and good at the javelin. I'm going to practice the javelin throw and get very good because I've got all the potential in the world backing me up.

On a related note, I went back to the Doctor's today for a requested follow-up to my checkup a month and a half ago. I was a little nervous, because I never fully understand what's going on with anything in the first place, and now they're telling me something about an irregular pulse and they have to test me after exercise. I kept checking my pulse the past couple days to see if I could notice anything irregular, but I didn't know what I was looking for, so I decided to just take some deep breaths and try to live healthily for the 48 hours before my checkup.

Again I show up at the wrong door of the Hospital and get personally redirected by a nice secretary to find the same non-English speaking nurses who don't really know what to do with me, so I get escorted around some more. The "exercise" consisted of walking up and over this box 24 times then laying on a bed where the nurse put a hundred clamps on my body and told me to lie still for 3 minutes. They had taken my pulse before the "exercise" as well, so I had a printout with several feet of jagged blip marks to show the doctor in the other room.

He told me that I had a slow pulse - fewer than 60 pulses after the exercise. Then he also said that my heart beats quickly for a few beats, then slowly for a few beats, then quickly again, then slowly. He showed me the map to prove it. He was right. There were a bunch of the lightning bolt things in groups spaced out by periods of.....encroaching death?

I was kind of worried though the Doctor told me "shinpai nai" (don't worry). I understood the Japanese, but I just don't really feel like being comfortable unless I can hear it in English. I had him repeat again and again that there was no problem with my slow heartbeat. I asked him if I would die early and he said no. I asked him if I could still play sports, and he said that "for example" a marathon would be fine because the slower the heartbeat, the better. If I'm actually totally fine, and slower is better, then I can't figure out why they called me back in for further tests. Why was I there? Why was I having this meeting if I'm totally fine? Why the serious demeanor? It's like, "Well, you're a freak, and this here on your chart looks pretty abnormal (let's circle it in red pen) and I'll have you in for some more tests, but you're totally fine! Don't worry about it!"

It reminds me of the Brian Regan bit about going to the eye doctor. The eye doctor says to Brian, "Did you know that your right eye is slightly higher than your left eye?"
"No, I didn't know that...is that bad?"
"No, it doesn't affect your vision at all."
And then Brian's like, "What was that? 'Oh no, you're fine, I just want you to feel self-conscious for the rest of your life.'"

So I was feeling pretty sorry for myself Monday and Tuesday this week. I sat in my house and literally did nothing. Well, I went grocery shopping and cooked dinner both nights, but other than that I sat on my but and felt culture shocked. I didn't even unpack my suitcase. It's finally hitting me. It started the week before coming home. Then I think I was just really ready to see my family and friends again. I was sick of being 10,000 km away and not being able to hop in a car and see people.

Wednesday morning I woke up and was standing in the shower when I recognized this as culture shock. Then I actually got happy. "There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just culture shocked. It's totally normal. I think I can move on now." I got up the motivation and unpacked by bag and put away all my clothes Wednesday night. I don't need to feel perfect, I just need to know that I'm normal. (Besides my pulse, I guess, heh, heh). That things are going like they should.

Slow pulses might make good marathon runners, but I'm hoping that they also make good genski (scooter) riders as well. I'm buying one as soon as I get confirmation about the international driver's license law (I got one over break) and I find one for under $400. I've found that I could get a brand new one for under $1,000, but I'm looking for a slightly different model...like 8 years ago's model.

81-year old woman thwarts thief

2008-01-09T21:58:00.000+09:00

81-year old Mabel Schmelmer of Concord, N.H. wrote a fairy tale ending today to her own story - a story that began in austerity. While leaving her regular Friday afternoon matinée, Schmelmer's purse was snatched from off her shoulder. As the bandit took his first getaway step, she stuck her foot out and tripped the man, sending him headlong down an escalator.

"I had just finished watching The Bourne Supremacy, so I knew I could do it," said Schmelmer to Channel 6 news, "I guess I just kind of reacted."

Adding to the thief's already bruised knees and crushed ego, his collar got stuck in the escalator stairs at the bottom allowing mall security time to apprehend him.

The Chronicles of the World's Saddest Sandwich

2007-12-14T23:25:00.001+09:00

The Saga Begins

We join our heroes, Cheap White Bread, Kraft Single Wrapped Cheese, and Plate in close counsel. They must choose a leader. But who will lead this treacherous and harrowing journey from the table to the mouth?
"Certainly not Plate," said Cheese, "he's far too cowardly."
"Yes, cowardly, that's right," replied Bread.
"It's true," said Plate. "Plus I'm kind of heavy."
"You forgot ugly," retorted Cheese.
Bread let out a snicker.

"I move that Cheese gets to be the leader," said Bread sucking in breath to cover his laughs.
"I second," said Cheese.
"You can't second your own nomination," protested Plate.
"Well then who's going to second me...you?" Cheese sneered.
"Maybe I will, if you're going to challenge me like that. In fact, forget you, Cheese, I will nominate you. Second!"
"Well that's settled," sighed Bread. "Now the question is, who's going to be the delegator?"
Cheese said in his new leader voice, "You'll be the delegator, Bread."
"So...who's going to tell me what to do?" said Plate hesitantly.
"I delegate the leader to tell you what to do," Bread answered smartly.
"Thank you, but that really wasn't necessary, Bread," said Cheese.
"Sorry El Leadero."
"And I'm not nacho, I'm cheddar."
"Well you can't tell by your smooth and melt-at-room-temperature personality."
"You have been known to pool a little," added Plate.
Cheese, going a little red, decided it was time to change the subject. "We must organize men, cheerio!"
"Where'd the British accent come from?"
"I heard it in a movie somewhere, it sounded inspirational."
"Indeed, indeed," chimed in Plate, trying to sound British too.
"Stay out of this, Plate," said Bread crossly.
"OOOooo, you just got DELEGATED!" crowed Cheese marking his words with a point.
"Just step all over me, why don't you," said Plate, obviously smarting a little.
"What a great idea!" Cheese exclaimed.
Bread climbed up onto Plate.
"And if I stand on you..." said Cheese.
"Oh, and add a millimeter?" said Bread sarcastically.
Cheese pulled himself up anyway, accidentally stepping on Bread's toes on the way. "Well, the leader must go first certainly?"

Bread poked Cheese in the bum and Plate took this moment of dissidence to chime in. "I heard that if you fold yourselves over like 30 times you can reach the moon."
"We don't want to reach the moon, Plate, we're trying to get to the mouth. However, it would be nice to drop in on my relatives, the Mooncheeses."
"Is it on the way?" asked Bread.
Considering this thoughtfully, Cheese changed his mind. "No, it's not on the way, plus the Mooncheeses are my in-laws."
"So, one fold will do it?" Bread looked up for agreement. He got the nod from Cheese.

"Are we there yet?" asked Plate.
"I'm not sure...how do we tell?" said Bread with brow furrowed.
"I'm sure we'll know it when we get there," replied Cheese with confidence.

My home

2007-12-14T23:22:00.000+09:00

Shizuoka Prefecture - You sweat your balls off in the summer and chatter your teeth out in the winter, but it's got the 3 things realtors are looking for most: location, location, location.

A Japanese Update

2007-12-13T21:45:00.000+09:00

It's really great. I'm learning! I can definitely tell my Japanese has progressed and is on the move. I've now had 3 private lessons and it's definitely worth the cash. I thought that at worst it would provide motivation to study, and it's been doing much more than that; my private teacher Watanabesan really knows how to teach, so I'm absorbing information and setting the bar during my lessons.

The other night I biked to the konbini because I was craving some junk food. I made my purchases and hopped back on my bike. Just across the street from the konbini is this grease trap ramen shop that I had been to once and avoided since but this night I was feeling particularly daring (and admissibly more hungry than chocolate covered peanuts could satiate) so I decided to make a brief stop to order and swallow a single order of gyoza. How did it take me this long to learn my lesson? I now realize fully that when you don't speak a region's native language and you look as white as a polar bear nothing happens quickly. It used to bother me, but I finally just conceded that things are going to take longer than normal and to just roll with it. A laugh and a "wakarimasen" (I don't understand) is a reasonable response in many situations. However, many positions I find myself in I can get through eventually, it just takes a lot of arm flailing, chicken scratching and the 3rd or 4th choice vocabulary word. (And that's on both sides of the communication!) Furuyasan (my usual tutor at my bunka center lessons) is particularly hilarious in his actions - just tonight he had me laughing at his air guitar playing.

So I ordered my gyoza from the lady, and I heard her talking to the man behind the counter (I found out later they are husband and wife) that I was the English teacher at Ihara High School. I think she was a little put off that I only ordered gyoza. The man started talking to me a sentence or two at a time until our conversation really started to warm and he came over and took a seat next to me at the counter. We talked about English and teaching and a relative of his in the United States. We talked about the weather and that sort of thing - even small talk takes a while to get through for me still. His wife kept badgering him to let me eat; often in our conversation I was left with gyoza in chopsticks, in limbo between my plate and mouth. He would say "gomennasai" (sorry) then start talking again the moment I had a full mouth. I found out that his name is Mitsuo Sano and he is 66 years old. We also talked about my name, Ru-Sa-, and my age, 24, and the fact that I'm 42 years his junior! Sanosan actually runs an autobody shop connected to the ramen shop - thus maybe a bit of the grease and grime. He and his wife both are super nice and really fun to talk with. They ended up cooking me some free ramen (I had already eaten a bowl of ramen for lunch, but I really couldn't turn it down). Sanosan wanted to give me free beer, but I told him I had biked, so I couldn't drink. (There's a zero tolerance policy for drinking and driving here in Japan, one that is rigorously kept for even bicyclists. I would lose my job and get shipped home if I was pulled over on my bike blowing a 0.01.) He then said I had to walk next time to the shop so that we could drink together.

We talked too about learning Japanese and the efforts I've been making so far. He told me to bring my homework to their restaurant and work on it there. Tuesday night really made me feel welcomed in my community.

It's really weird thinking back on our conversation - I realize that we were communicating almost entirely in Japanese - I know more Japanese than they know English (and that's not to make anything of my abilities, believe me). I have yet to feel like I'm communicating while using Japanese, I still feel like it's a cumbersome blunt object that I'm wielding, hacking away at tangles of uncertainty. I can't wait until the Japanese language is no longer a burden but rather a vehicle. (A shinkansen, maybe!)

Well, either way, we still ended up exchanging a lot of information, and I'm happy with whatever successes I find. Japan's not too bad; I can see movement and that's a good thing.

John Bolton

2007-12-12T23:01:00.000+09:00

Time Magazine was justifiably correct in labeling John Bolton as the “anti-diplomat” in their 10 Questions column. It seems that Bush nominated him for his potential to shake up and reform the U.N., or maybe more accurately, use it as a method for enacting U.S. agenda globally. Luckily he never received the proper nomination to enjoy the full title as permanent ambassador. The democrats were firmly against him, as well as several key republicans. He has very little respect for the U.N. and resolves too quickly for action rather than talking things over. In a glaring example, in 2003 Bolton was removed from the U.S. delegation to the six-party talks over the nuclear program in North Korea after using extreme and damaging language to describe the state of North Korea. The point of diplomacy is to open up the possibility for change through decent and tactful communication; not to shut down the other party through insults and bullying. Bush seemed to think this is what the U.N. needed when he appointed Bolton, and Bolton’s comments published recently in TIME magazine only verify this. The following is a question sent in by a reader and Bolton’s answer:

Given the U.N.’s endemic inertia, corruption and competing national agendas, do you think it still serves America’s national interest to be a member?

It does, although it’s not a body that I would rest our foreign policy on. The U.N. [however] can be a useful instrument of American foreign policy.

Wow.

The God Delusion (TGD) Commentary 4

2007-12-09T21:42:00.000+09:00

Pg 125 Again, why does a supernatural being have to follow the rules contained within a natural universe? Irreducible complexity on earth points to a creator outside of the physical realm. It is not logical to continue the irreducible complexity argument once you leave what we understand as the physical realm.

126 You write, “One of the truly bad effects of religion is that it teaches us that it is a virtue to be satisfied with not understanding.” In the Bible we are not told to disregard our logical minds. Christ commands us to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

126 Dawkins also assumes that the gaps will eventually all be filled by scientific research. First of all, it is impossible to run an experiment on the process of evolution. It’s not observable, so we can’t make conclusions based on observation.

126-7 Dawkins makes a good point that Intelligent Design people (IDers) mooch off of scientists, only waiting to pounce on newly discovered gaps in evolution rather than going out and finding evidence for Intelligence Design. However, there are many scientists finding evidence for design and a young earth. Walt Brown is one (check out his book In the Beginning…). We can only draw conclusions from what is observable. Those facts are then run through an interpretation filter where one side concludes that evolution must be true and the other concludes that Intelligent Design must be true. It’s that interpretation filter that’s so complicated and involved and wrapped up in our worldview and perspective and reference frame and subconscious.

127 Dawkins says that molecular genetics is evidence for evolution.

128 Dawkins states, “No anachronistic fossils have ever been authentically found.” I think this means that you don’t want to believe any of the anachronistic fossils that have been discovered are real. This would be interesting research. Also – on the other side of the coin, some fossils that stand as champions of evolution have a pretty sketchy record, like the Leakey’s Lucy for example. Different body parts from this supposed individual were discovered hundreds of meters apart.

129 Is there molecular evidence of scaffolding?

132 Dawkins writes about evolutionary theory: “A lot more work needs to be done, of course, and I’m sure it will be.” Here’s another quotation: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…” Hebrews 11:1. Dawkins has faith too. He is sure of what he hopes for and certain of what he doesn’t see. He sees some of the gaps filled by scientific discoveries – (which by the way are not therefore proofs against God’s existence) and assumes that every gap and every process will be able to be explained without needing a creator.

133 I think science should do everything it can to find ways to ease people’s pain. How is that a bad thing? Jesus says to feed the hungry, clothe the poor. If a particular scientist believes in evolution and is able to do this, let him!

134 I will give the same answer “He’s always existed and he’s not constrained by nature.” It’s impossible to fully grasp and difficult for many to believe. But that’s the answer, and I’ll never apologize for it. If there is a supernatural being, then that’s the way it is. I cannot prove it to you like a math theorem. Then you answer, “Which of course, explains nothing.” I won’t even try to explain the how of God existing outside of nature and the exact relationship between the two. But I will explain God’s character. And his relationship with people. And I will let the Holy Spirit work in people’s lives and I’ll let their hearts speak honestly to themselves about what they think about God.

134 In the Christian worldview, God did not create pain. He did not design us with intentions for back pain or arthritis or broken bones or heartbreak for that matter. We were designed perfectly and with the intention that we would live in perfect communion with our creator never knowing or experiencing pain. However, we chose to go against God and leave his presence, leave his will for us. This brought pain into the world. The fact that there are prey and predators at all is the result of our own doings. God is still on the side of his creation even though it chose to disobey.

137-9 Here we read about the anthropic principle. Dawkins explains the anthropic principle in this way: The odds of life beginning spontaneously are 1 in a billion billion. This seems very small and unlikely, but when you consider the fact that there are a billion billion planets that could potentially support life, then 1 of those planets will have life. Everything in our situation just seems to line up so perfectly because we happen to be that 1 in a billion billion!

I challenge the anthropic principle. First of all, I’d like to start with a brief statistics lesson. Thank you to my statistician consultant, Steve Lund (a doctoral candidate in statistics at Iowa State), for providing the following:

Assume a billion billion sided die. Each side has an equal chance of being rolled. Each roll has no effect on subsequent rolls. Let’s assign the perfect set of conditions that start life to side #1. What are the odds that “1” will be rolled at least once when the die is rolled 1 billion billion times? It’s not 100% as Dawkins assumes in his thought argument. The answer is actually about 63%, or less than two-thirds. So even if the figures are the numbers that Dawkins proposes, there’s still a 37% chance or so that life would not begin on any planet. Mr. Lund would like to further provide that the odds proposed are purely hypothetical bordering on the arbitrary, so it’s not too productive to even go through the statistics. However, Dawkins provides some numbers for arguments sake, so I will continue my argument in the same vein.

Next Dawkins says that “Natural selection works because it is a natural one way street to improvement.” Then he admits that natural selection needs luck to get started, but that the anthropic principle covers that infinitesimally small chance of natural selection getting underway. I think the odds are a lot worse than he thinks. To start things off I want to be fair to Dawkins and repeat his caution that we cannot put these same odds on the chances of Darwinian evolution happening and I totally agree. Yet once again, Dawkins is equating observable natural selection (Darwinian evolution) with evolution and they’re not the same thing.

Yet now look at this: Dawkins himself says there are “a few later gaps in the evolutionary story [that] also need major infusions of luck” and then says again it’s still probable that it happened because of the anthropic principle. But what is the odds multiplier for each of those “few later gaps” and just how many is a few? Let’s do some real number crunching. And, barring the impossibility of that, let’s at least be as realistic and quantitative with the numbers as possible.

Speculation wise, say the odds of that initial jump start to life are 1:1,000,000,000,000,000,000 (a billion billion.) Let’s say a few = 3. I think there are many more places in evolution that natural selection won’t smooth over and Dawkins hints that there are more as well. Now let’s say that the odds of each of those “later gaps” happening are a more promising 1:1,000,000,000. We have to multiply a billion 3 times against our original number. Now the odds of life making it all the way to our present day are 1:1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Or 1 in 1x10^45. Are there that many planets in the universe that could potentially support life?

I just looked this up - the NASA Website states that the Hubble Telescope in 1999 came up with a prediction of 125 billion galaxies in the universe. As technology gets better, this number could rise. For arguments sake, let’s say that number is actually 1,000 times bigger. Let’s say there are 125 trillion galaxies in the universe. Our galaxy, the Milky Way, has an estimated 300 billion stars. Charley Lineweaver of the University of New South Wales in Australia told space.com, "There are about 300 billion stars in our galaxy. About 10 percent (or 30 billion) are roughly Sun-like," he explained. "At least 5 percent (1.5 billion) but possibly as many as 90 percent or 100 percent (about 30 billion) of these have Jupiter-like planets." The thought is that Jupiter planets hold the key to surviving (and possibly thriving) earth-like planets. So if every solar system with a Jupiter planet also had an earth-like planet, then there would be 30 billion planets with the potential to support life, or about 1 planet to every 10 stars at best.

Next let’s say that the average galaxy holds not 300 billion stars but 1 trillion stars. This again is a liberal estimate. That makes the number of earth like planets 100 billion per galaxy. All we have to do now is multiply our number of galaxies with our number of planets-with-potential per galaxy to get the total number of these planets in the universe.

100 billion x 125 trillion = 1.25x10^25

This number is far smaller than our odds calculated above, 1 in 1x10^45. The anthropic principle can no longer be our mathematical savior.