I finished reading Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton today. It's chock-full of careful ruminations that are carefully written. There are at least 30 places in the 150 page book where I stopped and had to write things down in the margin because his comments were so thought provoking. It's hard to believe this book was published 100 years ago because it is as if he is rebutting the agnostic, atheist, and "spiritualist" thinkers of today. But, as C.S. Lewis stated in Surprised by Joy and Chesterton stated himself in this publication, the truth is truthful no matter what age it was discovered in. We cannot simply assert that our ideas today are better simply because they're newer. (This fallacy is called Appeal to Novelty.) **edit** C.S. Lewis calls it "chronological snobbery" - the thought that, because it's the most current year or age, we therefore are smarter, more advanced, more logical and have it more figured out than people did in ages past.
Anyway, there's nothing that will prove that the Bible holds the truth to life, the universe and everything, but there are a lot of things that you can try and test, and if there is such a thing as Truth (with a capital "T") then it will stand up to all trials.
There are a couple of things that I would like to share here that I found relevant to me. (Hey - it's my blog!)
1. Chesterton writes in the chapter "Authority and the Adventurer": "All the real argument about religion turns on the question of whether a man who was born upside down can tell when he comes right way up. The primary paradox of Christianity is that the ordinary condition of man is not his sane or sensible condition..." Which is to say here, Christians believe we were created perfect by God. Then we rebelled (Original Sin), which brought upon us death and all kinds of bad things. Man is living today in a state we were not meant to be in; we have a perfect creator and we also have evil in our world.
As a Christian it is so difficult to argue with people about religion, and in particular Christianity, because we're starting with different assumptions. It doesn't even make any sense to argue: you can't convince somebody of the logical steps of your argument when that person isn't standing on the same staircase. So I will not argue. I have made up my mind to never argue.
I will love. I will explain. I will answer sincere questions about Jesus and the Bible and Christianity sincerely from those who are wanting to wait a moment to listen to an answer. But I will not argue. I'm 25 years old and I can't believe it took me this long to realize this necessity.
2. Earlier in the same chapter Chesterton writes: "But my own positive conviction that personal creation is more conceivable than material fate, is, I admit, in a sense, undiscussable. I will not call it a faith or an intuition, for those words are mixed up with mere emotion, it is strictly an intellectual conviction; but it is a primary intellectual conviction like the certainty of self or the good of living."
It is true that the Bible states faith is necessary for salvation. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith..." (Ephesians 2:8). Jesus says to a woman in Luke "Your faith has saved you; go in peace." (Luke 7:50). I don't think Chesterton here is denouncing the necessity of Faith. I think he's resisting the current day's definition of the word "faith." Maybe Chesterton's statement above helps us better understand Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
I, too, have been blessed with a rock-solid faith insomuch as I am convinced that the Bible is true, that man is sinful and damnable, and that grace through Jesus is our only hope. I've known this as long as I've been able to know. However, I have not always reacted to this knowledge with obedience, to my salvation with good works, and that is my great sin. To be blessed with such conviction, yet to flail about in a cesspool of profligateness.... I shudder to think what will happen if I'm still living that way in equal measure on the day I fall into the hands of the Living God. This is a completely different discussion, but one I am quite happy to talk about because I have seen Jesus changing me in revolutionary ways since this past November 1st.
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Thursday, February 26, 2009
I am not alone
This morning, chocolate tasted like chocolate again. I stood in that moment and sighed, before opening my door to the world.
.
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Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I've forgotten what warm weather feels like.
It doesn't get as cold here as Minnesota, but my school and my apartment don't have insulated walls, and my school isn't heated. The offices have air-conditioner like heaters, but none of the classrooms has any sort of heat. It hangs around in the 40s while we teach in the wintertime, and sometimes drops down low enough to see your breath inside the classroom. It's quite terrible. You may say, "Well, 100 years ago most school houses in Minnesota didn't have electricity. They toughed it out." No, they had stoves. Kids lit a fire in the classroom each morning so that they could concentrate on their studies. We have the irony of a "modern" building that isn't heated, and being "modern" won't allow for fires being lit in the center of the room. I really don't know how students are expected to perform to their full potential when the only word I hear from them during an entire lesson is "Samui!" - "Cold!" Kids huddle together before class starts and fight over the seat in the sun.
My apartment also has an air-conditioner heater thingy, but it's only in 1 of my 5 rooms, and about 3 minutes after I turn it off it's cold again because my walls are so thin and I have 3 huge sliding glass doors. The only 2 places I'm ever warm is in the shower and in my bed. And people wonder why they lose motivation during the wintertime.
I'm not super-upset about this, and you might think it's complaining, but for the most part I've grown used to it. (There are so many things you have to just shrug your shoulders at when living in a different country and culture, hoo, believe me...or in the case of cold "hunch" your shoulders...) The winter can't last forever, but it's lasted long enough now to the point where I can picture myself wearing a T-shirt, but I can't picture myself being comfortable while wearing one. I really miss being comfortable and relaxed and warm...
.
It doesn't get as cold here as Minnesota, but my school and my apartment don't have insulated walls, and my school isn't heated. The offices have air-conditioner like heaters, but none of the classrooms has any sort of heat. It hangs around in the 40s while we teach in the wintertime, and sometimes drops down low enough to see your breath inside the classroom. It's quite terrible. You may say, "Well, 100 years ago most school houses in Minnesota didn't have electricity. They toughed it out." No, they had stoves. Kids lit a fire in the classroom each morning so that they could concentrate on their studies. We have the irony of a "modern" building that isn't heated, and being "modern" won't allow for fires being lit in the center of the room. I really don't know how students are expected to perform to their full potential when the only word I hear from them during an entire lesson is "Samui!" - "Cold!" Kids huddle together before class starts and fight over the seat in the sun.
My apartment also has an air-conditioner heater thingy, but it's only in 1 of my 5 rooms, and about 3 minutes after I turn it off it's cold again because my walls are so thin and I have 3 huge sliding glass doors. The only 2 places I'm ever warm is in the shower and in my bed. And people wonder why they lose motivation during the wintertime.
I'm not super-upset about this, and you might think it's complaining, but for the most part I've grown used to it. (There are so many things you have to just shrug your shoulders at when living in a different country and culture, hoo, believe me...or in the case of cold "hunch" your shoulders...) The winter can't last forever, but it's lasted long enough now to the point where I can picture myself wearing a T-shirt, but I can't picture myself being comfortable while wearing one. I really miss being comfortable and relaxed and warm...
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Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Update
I'm sorry I've been bad about writing here over the past month+. The truth is, I've been going through a lot of changes, and doing a lot more writing in my journal. (And I've picked up reading again.)
Things are going really great. And I tend to not write as much when things are great.
The novel experiences have begun to wear off. That's not to say crazy stuff doesn't keep happening to me, I can assure you, I've many a time waited for clocks to start floating around me, having just fallen down the rabbit hole. But I'm seeing these events as inherent to my time here -- no -- my life here. (Just today I was reminded by a friend that this too is real life!)
Most of my changes are God-centered. I've discovered repentance. I've discovered the joy of getting to go back and do it right this time, of receiving the freedom from Christ to pursue what's "true...noble...right...pure...lovely...admirable...excellent...and praiseworthy." I'm truly very happy here with my little plot of life I'm living in Japan because I have a living God who loves me, who has kept no good thing from me, and because I have a lot of hope for the future - encouraged by the promise of my good and fruitful efforts now leading to affirmation on the day of judgment. "I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me...", the father having taken Christ's life for mine, and the power of grace having spurred me on will say, "Well done good and faithful servant." This is certainly the steady assurance I have in everything.
And, there are a lot of things to be worked on. My character must change. My obedience must align with Jesus'. I must hide the Word deep in my heart. I must take note of my Bible, pick it up, and investigate. I must consistently maintain my prayer life. All of these things with the hope that they pour over into the practical, into the visible realm where others "will take notice and praise my father in heaven." This is by far the most difficult part because I'm selfish and self-serving. I heard something from Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill Church) today that made me write the following:
Why would I ever exchange perfection for failure, wholeness for the broken, the Object of joy for objects of frustration? Why would I EVER exchange Jesus for myself - honoring my slovenly ways as more urgent than His rich promises? Yet I do this every day. I'm trying to do it less.
That's where I'm at.
.
Things are going really great. And I tend to not write as much when things are great.
The novel experiences have begun to wear off. That's not to say crazy stuff doesn't keep happening to me, I can assure you, I've many a time waited for clocks to start floating around me, having just fallen down the rabbit hole. But I'm seeing these events as inherent to my time here -- no -- my life here. (Just today I was reminded by a friend that this too is real life!)
Most of my changes are God-centered. I've discovered repentance. I've discovered the joy of getting to go back and do it right this time, of receiving the freedom from Christ to pursue what's "true...noble...right...pure...lovely...admirable...excellent...and praiseworthy." I'm truly very happy here with my little plot of life I'm living in Japan because I have a living God who loves me, who has kept no good thing from me, and because I have a lot of hope for the future - encouraged by the promise of my good and fruitful efforts now leading to affirmation on the day of judgment. "I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me...", the father having taken Christ's life for mine, and the power of grace having spurred me on will say, "Well done good and faithful servant." This is certainly the steady assurance I have in everything.
And, there are a lot of things to be worked on. My character must change. My obedience must align with Jesus'. I must hide the Word deep in my heart. I must take note of my Bible, pick it up, and investigate. I must consistently maintain my prayer life. All of these things with the hope that they pour over into the practical, into the visible realm where others "will take notice and praise my father in heaven." This is by far the most difficult part because I'm selfish and self-serving. I heard something from Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill Church) today that made me write the following:
Why would I ever exchange perfection for failure, wholeness for the broken, the Object of joy for objects of frustration? Why would I EVER exchange Jesus for myself - honoring my slovenly ways as more urgent than His rich promises? Yet I do this every day. I'm trying to do it less.
That's where I'm at.
.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A Flight Log
Written in flight on my way to the US from Japan. Dec. 15, 2008....
Now I remember why I don't like Northwest. I had this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind when I saw that Northwest logo next to the online cheapest price - that NWA with the red arrow staring back - sort of like coaxing you onward but at the same time screaming STOP!
I'm about a third of the way into my flight and it's been all fairly comfortable and all - luckily my year and a half in Japan has made me quite accustomed to hanging out in cramped places for long periods of time. I think this realization came on with that nostalgic 1970s in-flight atmosphere only a northwest 747-400 can provide. When I flew into Japan well over a year ago with AA, each seat had its own personal screen and you could choose to watch 1 of several movies starting every 20 min. or so. (Last winter when I flew the movies would even start as soon as you selected them). Not on this flight though. I'm almost in a corner so I have a sharp angled view of 3 screens, each with their own unique malfunctions. The projection screen is one with the 3 separate colors shining from 3 angles. Except the colors aren't exactly lined up. Now I know this is Christmas time, but do I have to see Merrel Streep dancing and singing in Red and Green AND Blue? Op - and she just jumped off the dock in all her clothes. I looked up in the booklet to see what movies would be playing on this flight: "For those lucky souls traveling from Tokyo to Minneapolis we will be showing Mamma Mia! and The Women." I'm not sure who did the customer analysis for NW, but it surprises me that they get mostly middle-aged ladies on this leg of the journey. The second tv nearest me is overplaying the red on the right of the screen, so anyone appearing on that side looks like they have a terrible sunburn. And judging by the size of the third one, I'm pretty sure it's somebody's ipod stuck up on the wall so that they can watch it without holding it.
I just got back from the broom-closet bathroom and found it fully "manual." I even had to drain the sink by pushing on a lever that lifted the plug in the bottom.
Probably one of the more sadder moments already came (I hope) when a young girl 2 rows in front of me called the flight attendant over with the problem that her seat wouldn't go back any further, only to be told that was all the further her seat went. The seats truly recline to an almost negligable angle. I don't know why they ever bother telling people to return their seats "to the upright position." EVERY position is an upright position. It kind of makes the preflight comfort literature laughable. I read it all trying to kill our taxiing time. Dr. so-and-so was going on and on about back stress and how you should keep your seat at the optimal 135-degree angle for your spine during the flight. I'd be lucky if my seat could break 93. (Uh oh, turbulence...I'll just pretend I'm in a non-reclining massage chair. A 160-dollar-an-hour massage chair...*sob*).
Speaking of adjusting - there was also a nice 1970s-esque video that had advice for adapting/getting used to the new time zone. I had no idea it was so simple, but aparantly there's just 3 things you need to do: 1) "Spend time outdoors everyday." Ok. This is the flight to Minneapolis in the dead of winter. The estimated landing temperature is -15. My entire outdoor time this vacation is labeled "neccessary transit only" and that whole time I'm reassessing ways to get to the next indoor place quicker. 2) "Drink plenty of fluids." ... and fluids do what for adjusting to the fact that the sun will be coming up at my dinner time? 3) This one was the gem. The words appeared one by one on the screen: "Take...Time...For...YOURSELF." Take time and make it your slave! The clock says 3 in the morning. NOPE! This is LUNCHTIME! "I know that clock says I'm supposed to be at the Christmas Party right now, but I'm taking time for myself! I'm going fishing!
Well, I'm picking this journal up again while we're landing here to help me take my mind off my popping ears. It's been a loooong flight, but at least I could lean a bit on the empty seat next to me and sleep some. At any rate, despite the ups and downs (literally) I know I got a better deal on this Northwest flight than all those passengers around me because I farted the entire 6,000 miles home and I can't smell.
So long to Northwest for now; however, with my long distance locked into their frequent flyer program, it might not be too long until I'm coaxed back by that arrow, albeit red, for another adventure.
.
Now I remember why I don't like Northwest. I had this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind when I saw that Northwest logo next to the online cheapest price - that NWA with the red arrow staring back - sort of like coaxing you onward but at the same time screaming STOP!
I'm about a third of the way into my flight and it's been all fairly comfortable and all - luckily my year and a half in Japan has made me quite accustomed to hanging out in cramped places for long periods of time. I think this realization came on with that nostalgic 1970s in-flight atmosphere only a northwest 747-400 can provide. When I flew into Japan well over a year ago with AA, each seat had its own personal screen and you could choose to watch 1 of several movies starting every 20 min. or so. (Last winter when I flew the movies would even start as soon as you selected them). Not on this flight though. I'm almost in a corner so I have a sharp angled view of 3 screens, each with their own unique malfunctions. The projection screen is one with the 3 separate colors shining from 3 angles. Except the colors aren't exactly lined up. Now I know this is Christmas time, but do I have to see Merrel Streep dancing and singing in Red and Green AND Blue? Op - and she just jumped off the dock in all her clothes. I looked up in the booklet to see what movies would be playing on this flight: "For those lucky souls traveling from Tokyo to Minneapolis we will be showing Mamma Mia! and The Women." I'm not sure who did the customer analysis for NW, but it surprises me that they get mostly middle-aged ladies on this leg of the journey. The second tv nearest me is overplaying the red on the right of the screen, so anyone appearing on that side looks like they have a terrible sunburn. And judging by the size of the third one, I'm pretty sure it's somebody's ipod stuck up on the wall so that they can watch it without holding it.
I just got back from the broom-closet bathroom and found it fully "manual." I even had to drain the sink by pushing on a lever that lifted the plug in the bottom.
Probably one of the more sadder moments already came (I hope) when a young girl 2 rows in front of me called the flight attendant over with the problem that her seat wouldn't go back any further, only to be told that was all the further her seat went. The seats truly recline to an almost negligable angle. I don't know why they ever bother telling people to return their seats "to the upright position." EVERY position is an upright position. It kind of makes the preflight comfort literature laughable. I read it all trying to kill our taxiing time. Dr. so-and-so was going on and on about back stress and how you should keep your seat at the optimal 135-degree angle for your spine during the flight. I'd be lucky if my seat could break 93. (Uh oh, turbulence...I'll just pretend I'm in a non-reclining massage chair. A 160-dollar-an-hour massage chair...*sob*).
Speaking of adjusting - there was also a nice 1970s-esque video that had advice for adapting/getting used to the new time zone. I had no idea it was so simple, but aparantly there's just 3 things you need to do: 1) "Spend time outdoors everyday." Ok. This is the flight to Minneapolis in the dead of winter. The estimated landing temperature is -15. My entire outdoor time this vacation is labeled "neccessary transit only" and that whole time I'm reassessing ways to get to the next indoor place quicker. 2) "Drink plenty of fluids." ... and fluids do what for adjusting to the fact that the sun will be coming up at my dinner time? 3) This one was the gem. The words appeared one by one on the screen: "Take...Time...For...YOURSELF." Take time and make it your slave! The clock says 3 in the morning. NOPE! This is LUNCHTIME! "I know that clock says I'm supposed to be at the Christmas Party right now, but I'm taking time for myself! I'm going fishing!
Well, I'm picking this journal up again while we're landing here to help me take my mind off my popping ears. It's been a loooong flight, but at least I could lean a bit on the empty seat next to me and sleep some. At any rate, despite the ups and downs (literally) I know I got a better deal on this Northwest flight than all those passengers around me because I farted the entire 6,000 miles home and I can't smell.
So long to Northwest for now; however, with my long distance locked into their frequent flyer program, it might not be too long until I'm coaxed back by that arrow, albeit red, for another adventure.
.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Musing
The days are getting longer every day, and I love it. I can slip out of this office at 4:15 with enough time to see the sun before he falls behind the hills of Yui.
I have another musing - what is the balance between the vanity and ego that has allowed so many great men and women to do so much good in the world, and sinful arrogance? At what point does loving oneself turn into self-love? Should this even be a concern of mine? I've always been really hard on myself - held an anti-vanity - even in the face of real success. But maybe that too is selfishness, disguised in my self-effacing. Yes, I'm commanded to love myself. I've just always been afraid that in allowing myself to reach the limits of my high expectations I would somehow be reveling in self glory, puffed full of pride. Maybe it's time to start expecting to reach my expectations.
I think the fall comes in where you give the credit. Who allows me the privilege to think? To do? To navigate complex social constructs? Or to even breathe? And I've been asked to do a lot. I've been given a lot and assembled with a lot of potential and maybe it would be a sin to not reach it. Objectively, I have everything it takes to do anything. I just lack the drive and discipline. Maybe that's what this all comes down to. Maybe I'm disguising the hard work of great men with their ego, using that created cause so I can better attack it with my arguments in order to feel better about my own mediocrity, not daring to rise above timidity and slightness.
I need discipline.
.
I have another musing - what is the balance between the vanity and ego that has allowed so many great men and women to do so much good in the world, and sinful arrogance? At what point does loving oneself turn into self-love? Should this even be a concern of mine? I've always been really hard on myself - held an anti-vanity - even in the face of real success. But maybe that too is selfishness, disguised in my self-effacing. Yes, I'm commanded to love myself. I've just always been afraid that in allowing myself to reach the limits of my high expectations I would somehow be reveling in self glory, puffed full of pride. Maybe it's time to start expecting to reach my expectations.
I think the fall comes in where you give the credit. Who allows me the privilege to think? To do? To navigate complex social constructs? Or to even breathe? And I've been asked to do a lot. I've been given a lot and assembled with a lot of potential and maybe it would be a sin to not reach it. Objectively, I have everything it takes to do anything. I just lack the drive and discipline. Maybe that's what this all comes down to. Maybe I'm disguising the hard work of great men with their ego, using that created cause so I can better attack it with my arguments in order to feel better about my own mediocrity, not daring to rise above timidity and slightness.
I need discipline.
.
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