Friday, December 14, 2007

The Chronicles of the World's Saddest Sandwich

The Saga Begins

We join our heroes, Cheap White Bread, Kraft Single Wrapped Cheese, and Plate in close counsel. They must choose a leader. But who will lead this treacherous and harrowing journey from the table to the mouth?
"Certainly not Plate," said Cheese, "he's far too cowardly."
"Yes, cowardly, that's right," replied Bread.
"It's true," said Plate. "Plus I'm kind of heavy."
"You forgot ugly," retorted Cheese.
Bread let out a snicker.



"I move that Cheese gets to be the leader," said Bread sucking in breath to cover his laughs.
"I second," said Cheese.
"You can't second your own nomination," protested Plate.
"Well then who's going to second me...you?" Cheese sneered.
"Maybe I will, if you're going to challenge me like that. In fact, forget you, Cheese, I will nominate you. Second!"
"Well that's settled," sighed Bread. "Now the question is, who's going to be the delegator?"
Cheese said in his new leader voice, "You'll be the delegator, Bread."
"So...who's going to tell me what to do?" said Plate hesitantly.
"I delegate the leader to tell you what to do," Bread answered smartly.
"Thank you, but that really wasn't necessary, Bread," said Cheese.
"Sorry El Leadero."
"And I'm not nacho, I'm cheddar."
"Well you can't tell by your smooth and melt-at-room-temperature personality."
"You have been known to pool a little," added Plate.
Cheese, going a little red, decided it was time to change the subject. "We must organize men, cheerio!"
"Where'd the British accent come from?"
"I heard it in a movie somewhere, it sounded inspirational."
"Indeed, indeed," chimed in Plate, trying to sound British too.
"Stay out of this, Plate," said Bread crossly.
"OOOooo, you just got DELEGATED!" crowed Cheese marking his words with a point.
"Just step all over me, why don't you," said Plate, obviously smarting a little.
"What a great idea!" Cheese exclaimed.
Bread climbed up onto Plate.
"And if I stand on you..." said Cheese.
"Oh, and add a millimeter?" said Bread sarcastically.
Cheese pulled himself up anyway, accidentally stepping on Bread's toes on the way. "Well, the leader must go first certainly?"


Bread poked Cheese in the bum and Plate took this moment of dissidence to chime in. "I heard that if you fold yourselves over like 30 times you can reach the moon."
"We don't want to reach the moon, Plate, we're trying to get to the mouth. However, it would be nice to drop in on my relatives, the Mooncheeses."
"Is it on the way?" asked Bread.
Considering this thoughtfully, Cheese changed his mind. "No, it's not on the way, plus the Mooncheeses are my in-laws."
"So, one fold will do it?" Bread looked up for agreement. He got the nod from Cheese.


"Are we there yet?" asked Plate.
"I'm not sure...how do we tell?" said Bread with brow furrowed.
"I'm sure we'll know it when we get there," replied Cheese with confidence.




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