Thursday, April 24, 2008

Saved by Leinenkugel's

I promised yesterday some anecdotes, so here's one for starters:

I mentioned before how difficult my gentsuki license test was. There were many questions that I had never come across and the wording was iffy on a few. Three of the questions referred to actions to be taken at an "amber traffic light." I know what amber means, and it's not exactly green, yellow or red, so I started thinking that it might be one of those caution lights that blinks above special signs on the side of the road. I was thinking that the color amber was most closely related to what we call a "yellow light" in English, but I couldn't be sure because of the label Japanese people give to "green lights." If you ask a Japanese person what the name of the light is that tells you to go, they'll say "ao" which is the Japanese word for "blue" even though the color of the light is actually green. I only had 30 min. to answer 52 questions with a similar caliber of ambiguity - I was running out of time for these 3 answers. I read the question again. "Amber traffic light, amber traffic light.....Amber Light!" I suddenly remembered the Leinie's beer of this same name. It was yellow in color. And "amber" now most certainly couldn't mean "red light" because Leinie's had a separate beer called Leinie's Red. I concluded that "amber traffic light" must mean "yellow light." I answered the questions and moved on in my quest toward gentsuki glory.

QED


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The Best and the Worst Day

I had one of my worst days in Japan so far today. And it should really have been a good one - in fact, several good things happened and I will share a few anecdotes later, but all in all it was pretty terrible. The following run down is bad enough to sound cliche. You'll be expecting most of the twists and turns. However, it's not the sum of the individual events that made this a terrible day, it was my mindset trend lending its slowly revolving spiral to this day's accelerating affects.

I've known for a little while now that I miss home. It's not in passing - I miss America. I miss the midwest. I miss English. "O Home Beloved" has been playing through my mind for the past week. Maybe the knowledge that my parents are coming soon has triggered this longing. (I tried writing a haiku in Japanese about yearning for one's homeland on Monday). Or maybe it's been the stacking months void of tombstone pizza, colby and cheddar cheese, pop tarts or chicken patties. Cereal. There are a lot of staples that I've had to go without. For sure it's been missing friends. I want to hang out and have fun with the people that I love and I can't do that.

And my work environment has been stressful. It's such an unknown. It's difficult to know if I'm moving in the right direction or accomplishing goals. I never really hear anything so I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or the wrong thing, and if I'm doing the wrong thing, are people just being "Japanese" and not telling me? I wish I could read the social clues. I'm having a hard enough time learning the verbal language, am I ever going to understand the non-verbals?

I care too much what people think about me and it stresses me out. I'm never trying to upset anyone or step on any toes or do something wrong, but obviously I'm going to fail at several points simply because I'm living in a foreign context (and I'm human). But add on top of that the fact that I don't know how people are going to respond or what they are going to think or what they'll tell me, if anything. Back in the states I at least felt like I had the social aspect of life together - I was socially attentive, I could read situations and figure out what was happening, I was generally well-liked and respected, and I felt in command. I could take initiative, be responsible, be independent and be productive. Now I'm a toddler in a 24-year-old's body getting paid $30,000 a year to have my hand held. It's really frustrating and it makes me feel guilty to be constantly helped at work. I feel like I'm being a burden.

Tuesday we had a field trip. I went with the second year kids to Hamamatsu (a 2 hour drive or so) to go clam digging. (I'm not kidding). It was a great experience, and I have a bunch of pictures so I'll show those to you later. But it also meant I couldn't work on my lesson plans all day and I was going to be taking my scooter (gentsuki) license test today so half of today was supposed to be shot too. So I'm getting nervous and edgy already about getting stuff done on time.

Today began. I got up quite early to be ready for Furuya-san who was picking me up at my apartment at 7am. Today being Wednesday I normally would be at work, but I had taken nenkyu (paid vacation) until 2:15 so that I could use my morning to head down to the driving center to take my gentsuki test. The test is really inconvenient because you have to register between 8:30am and 9:30am on a Monday thru Friday and then start the test at 9:30. So I had to wait for a day when I didn't have any morning obligations. Today I didn't have class until 2:15 so I figured I'd be fine.

Well we make the 1hr 15min drive to the nearest driving center and I pay my $15 to get registered for the test and we wait and then I head up to the testing room and 2 different employees move me around to 3 different desks before everyone's settled in and they give a bunch of instructions in Japanese that I don't understand and I fill in some numbers and then they hand out the test. 52 questions and I have to score a 90%. I had purchased the English study book a few weeks ago and read through it 3 times, studying the gentsuki parts very closely. Yet on this administered test there were several questions whose answers were not found anywhere in the study book. I was getting nervous. It was in English, and I'm very grateful for that, but the translation wasn't perfect. One of the questions didn't even make grammatical sense. It was actually really, really hard - I had to repeat many questions over in my head several times to make sure I understood what they were asking. Afterwards I thought I had failed for sure and would have to make this whole trip down to the center another day. Furuya-san was more confident. His surety was based on the fact that my testing number was 007. My opinion was based on actual experience where I remembered having my butt handed to me by a series of twisted sentences. We were waiting in the lobby for the results to come in. Soon enough they flashed the numbers of those who passed up on a screen - 007 was on the list! I gave a shout and Furuya-san a high five. I had done it, I had won! Now all that was left was paying for my license and I'd be back to work.

How little have I learned in the past 9 months.

Soon after I pay another $16 and "volunteer" 12 more (I was told about some kind of program for teaching elementary kids traffic safety and that it would cost $12 and I said "no thanks" and the lady just looked at me in shock and Furuya-san said I better pay the volunteer money because that's what Japanese people do) I'm herded into a classroom where I learn that I have to attend classes that will last until 3:15 before I will be issued my license. I was shocked. I had a class to teach starting at 2:15, I couldn't stay for the classes. But if I didn't stay, I'd have to do this over again. And Furuya-san would have to take another whole day to take me. But if I stayed, I'd have to miss the class I was supposed to teach and inconvenience my JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) and Sarah (the other ALT). I was stuck. And with my mental state already ground into a fine powder, this lose-lose breeze sent me scattered.

I kind of knew that I really had to stay, but people at my school said I really should come back, that I needed to put my students first. That made me upset because I love my kids and have always tried to build them up and care about them individually and know and use everyone's name and what they're interested in and good at. They're what keeps me ticking when I'm at work. (It's certainly not planning curriculum...shudder, another taihen situation this spring). I just felt so bad because I knew I was letting people down and I also was worried about what people would think of me skipping out on work when I said I was going to be back. I worry too damn much about what other people think - I wish I didn't care. It makes it harder knowing that I'll never really be sure what people think because most Japanese people aren't going to give an honest answer. My JTE ended up saying it would be ok if I stayed, but I'm not sure if she was just saying that. Later on this evening when I finally got back to school I asked a different teacher if she was upset with me for skipping out on work. She said she wasn't personally upset but she worried because my JTE had said it was ok but that Japanese people will say things are ok when really they're not. This is what one of my Japanese teachers told me. If even she couldn't figure out if my JTE was mad or not, how am I ever supposed to know what they're thinking?

So you see the circles I start playing out in my head and then all of a sudden I'm looking at people out of the corners of my eyes trying to analyze their gestures and plot their movements because I think they're holding a silent grudge - this is not a good place to reach, and I realize I need a paradigm shift to work my way out of it.... anyways, on with the day.

Furuya-san did his best to encourage me and tell me everything was going to be fine, and I made a long phone call to my dad to talk through the situation and that was encouraging. I was convinced to just enjoy my afternoon of gentsuki class since I was staying and there was nothing more I could do about work. The afternoon was the bright spot in my day - maybe too bright since I had been sunburned on Tuesday while clam digging and now I was spending another unexpected afternoon in the sun's fierce rays. This was annoying, but I was determined not to let it ruin my fun...

We were pretty much stuck at the driving center for lunch, and the only food available was a la carte pastries sold by some lady out of her car in the parking lot. My stomach grumbled on. At the end of the classes Furuya-san drove me back to my apartment. I arrived at 4:30, 9 1/2 hours after I left for this license excursion. If anyone had told me beforehand that it would take 9 1/2 hours to get a scooter license I wouldn't have believed them. And if I had, I don't know if I would have come to Japan. Certain things can be so damn inconvenient. I really have a hard time imagining every single Japanese person having to take off an entire day of work just to get a diver's license. But I guess that's the way it's done. Once at home I was starving. I needed to get to school asap to try and salvage some relationships, so I just boiled some water to make instant yaki soba. When I went to pour off the excess water the top fell off and all the noodles fell into the drain in my sink. I swore but stayed calm and moved on, deciding to get something to eat at the convenience store on my bike ride to work. (You'd think I'd ride my gentsuki since I just got my license. But alas, my school won't give me permission to drive it to or from work because they say it's too dangerous - even though many other teachers drive gentsukis.) I ate my meal of ham steak on a stick and fried rice with soy sauce outside the convenience store and continued on to school. Once at school I answered a few e-mails, organized the pile of papers that had collected over the past day (biofuel farmers got nothing on my school when it comes to clearing forests) and talked with my teacher about missing school. I tried lesson planning for awhile, but couldn't find the teacher's manual that I had been working out of for one of my classes and got pretty discouraged looking EVERYwhere for that gosh darn book. I finally packed it up at 7:30 thinking that I could work on my lesson plans at home. (You can see how far I got on that project based on the length of this entry and the time of publication). Once at home I really just wanted to relax and clear my mind for once in this day so I hopped on my gentsuki and booked it up to McDonald's about 15 min. away. McD's was pleasant, however it started to rain when I was eating so I rushed through it and jumped back on my scooter to get back home. I of course wasn't wearing any rain gear, and my passport, cell phone and electronic dictionary were all in my pockets exposed to the rain. It started to pour. And it poured. I stopped under a bridge to try and wait it out since I couldn't hardly see anything and was afraid of getting run over or hydroplaning and dying. As I was waiting by the side of the road a car zoomed past me way over the speed limit and sent a giant wave of water over my entire body and bike. It was incredible. And that's when I finally lost it. The expletives have been left out of this publication.

I made my way swearing all the way home and into my house I peeled off my soaking clothes and set up my passport to try and get aired out - I hope the electronic chip in it still works. When I took off my sweatshirt I noticed my favorite white t-shirt (the monkey on a surfboard one from Horan Hall) was stained with big black splotches from the dye in my leather jacket. Here's where I started to cry for the first time. I really felt sorry for myself. I wanted to come home. (I guess I still do - reliving this day through words on the page calms my expression, but it isn't changing my resolve.) I took my t-shirt and my sweatshirt to the washing machine to wash them immediately and found that the load I had started before I left for McDonald's had tilted and quit with a bunch of soap suds in it still. And it had drained water on the floor. So I had to restart that load and hold off on my clothes with stains setting in. With the laundry started again a new round of swearing began during the mopping of the floor. And when I burned my thumb on an instant package of rice round 2 of my bout of crying began. That's when I said screw it to getting anything productive done at sat down at my computer. (Halfway through typing this my computer froze and I had to type part of it over again).

This day just isn't letting me go.

Well, deep breaths I guess. The encouraging words have come scattered throughout this day - I hope I can talk some more positive into me tomorrow. For now I have to sleep.

Luther


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Sunday, April 20, 2008

Readyokgo

"Yeah spring, is nice, in Canada. I mean Japan."

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Food

I'm in the cooking club at school. We meet on Thursdays. We didn't cook this past week - we were supposed to research train station obentos instead. I took my computer up to the Language Lab and me and 5 other girls wikied it on the Japanese website. One of the pictures that came up was of "ikameshi" or a mini squid sawed in half with rice and spices stuffed up its hollowed body. I revolted when I first saw it and couldn't imagine anyone thinking this to be a good idea. The girls thought it was funny that I thought it was gross. Here's the picture:



So the next day (Friday) I was biking home from school when I suddenly slammed on the brakes. Here I was thinking how gross it was to stuff rice up a squid, when what did my family ceremoniously and with great joy and rigor do every Thanksgiving? We slit a turkey's neck, rip out its insides and stuff it full of bread and spices! And somehow that never occurred to me as weird...





Mmmm, delicious.....


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Luther's axioms

Confidence is 90% of everything.

Biking into a strong headwind will never be fun.

Beauty lies in contrast.

Smoking is cool.

And this one's not mine, I actually stole it from the movie "BIG." --- In the end, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.


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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Questions I answered for a student journalist

Why did you choose to teach english abroad? And why did you choose the
country you chose?

I chose to teach English abroad for a couple of reasons. First, I have always wanted to live in a different country for an extended period of time in order to experience a different culture, and second, I enjoyed volunteering with teaching English for a bit in college. I knew it would be a challenge, and was excited for the experience. Japan attracted me because it is modern, but non-Western. I had wanted to study abroad here while in college, but the timing didn't work out. So when I learned of the JET Program a few semesters before I graduated I decided to apply. (I had to submit my application about 8 months before the expected departure date).

How did you prepare for leaving the US? How long are you staying? Are
you under contract?

There was a lot of preparation. I am under a one year contract with the JET Program (Japan Exchange and Teaching) which is a Japanese governmental program. I'm paid by taxpayers. I can renew my contract up to 4 times for a total of 5 years. Since this is a very reputable program with thousands of participants each year and many more applicants, the preparations are rigorous and extensive. There was everything from getting my fingerprints taken to applying for a visa to filling out tax forms - and of course packing. It took me about a week to figure out what to bring and about 4 hours to limit it down so it could fit into my luggage. I also bought a laptop and a camera.

As for mental preparation, I hosted a party at my house for friends and family (it was also a kind of a graduation gathering for my sister and me) and got together with good friends for what I knew would be the last time together for a while. I also ate some of my favorite foods (it's really hard to find cheese with flavor here in Japan).

I recently resigned for another year, so I'll be here for a total of 2 years at least, maybe longer.


I always hear teaching english abroad is rewarding...has it been for
you? Why or why not?

There's definitely been a learning curve for this job of teaching. My major wasn't education, so I don't really have the theory or background to be doing this...just a fluency in English! One thing they tell you in the JET Program is E.S.I.D. - Every Situation Is Different, and it's true. At my school they are expecting me to write curriculum and order textbooks...not something I really know how to do, but I've been doing some research and am doing the best I can with it. I suppose I'll have everything figured out by the time I have to leave.

Knowing the kids is really rewarding. I have a ton of fun chatting with them or hanging out with them during club activities (band, tennis, soccer, etc.). I often see my kids outside of school in my small town so we'll chat or bike together. It's fun to see these kids growing and maturing and improving with English.

And of course there's all the "abroad" aspects. I have met so many interesting people from countries all over the world. I really didn't expect to have as much contact with other foreigners as I have had. I have friends who are from Canada, England, Scotland, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, Trinidad and Tobago, South Africa and all over the US. I've met people from Indonesia, Malaysia, Brazil, Cambodia, and China. Struggling to live a 'normal' life here has been rewarding too. There are so many challenges that really can't be anticipated because they're either so unknown, or I've taken certain aspects of my life for granted. Like rules on throwing away garbage, or trying to find edible/cookable food in the grocery store or buying a bicycle, riding the train....I can't list them all. But, I'm still alive and beginning to thrive so that's been rewarding.


How did research help your experience overall?

Hmmm... I did relatively little research before coming. I took a religions of East Asia class and History of East Asia class in college, I lived in the same dorm as a Japanese exchange student for a year and was friends with him, I took a Japanese language class and hung out with some Foreign Exchange students at a coffee hour each week. My family hosted a Japanese student for 5 weeks the summer before I came here. Does that count as research? Also my roommate my last year of college lived in Japan for 4 months so he told me a lot about Japan. I wrote a few e-mails back and forth with my predecessor to learn about my particular school and city. Despite these things though, I still realized that I was going to be unprepared on many levels no matter how much research I did. Like I said before there are so many things that are different that just can't be anticipated. I just came with an open and inquiring mind, an adaptability to change, and a willingness to "just roll with things." Not that it hasn't been hard at times...


What has been the biggest adjustment and/or challenge?

Whooo.. I'm not sure. One girl mentioned to me at our initial orientation that, not only was she living abroad for the first time, but she was now living alone for the first time. That struck me. It's been an adjustment living in my own apartment (having always lived with family or roommates before) especially now that I have a much smaller support network. It does get lonely here missing friends and family.

Another huge struggle - probably the bigger one - is the language barrier. If anyone tells you that you can move to Japan and you don't have to learn Japanese- that everyone speaks English here - they are dead wrong. It is possible to survive without speaking Japanese, but you cannot thrive. Not being able to communicate basically relegates me to sitting in my apartment or moving on rotation through a few rote, familiar steps. It's not a lot of fun. So I've been studying and studying and taking all the opportunities I can to use Japanese. I live here, but since I teach English for my employment, I'm not really immersed. I have to be purposeful in finding people that will patiently communicate with me in Japanese. I've said to many other friends over the past few months that learning Japanese and making Japanese friends is going to be the bellwether for success.


What, if anything have you heard about scams while teaching abroad?

There was a big problem with NOVA a few months ago - I think the CEO or President was stealing a bunch of money. They had to shut down most of the schools and many teachers were out of a job. Most either had to quickly find other employment in order to pay for their food and housing or go home.


What do you enjoy most about teaching abroad?

I like living next to the ocean and these beautiful hills. I also have an incredible view of Mt. Fuji from my school. I like meeting people from different cultures and having conversations about what's going on in the world.


What do you dislike about teaching abroad? If anything...

Not having a car. I could get one with some effort, so maybe I'll do that if I plan on staying longer than 2 years.
Missing friends. And I sometimes feel sorry for myself because I can't eat Tombstone Pizza.


How are the classes conducted? How much control over classrooms do you have?

It really varies, but like I said, I'm kind of left to my own devises. We have a lot of support through the JET Program, and even more through my contracting Prefecture. They have provided teaching tips, lesson ideas and a reassuring voice. The JETs in this program help each other out a lot as well. Technically the program is based on "Team Teaching" where a JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) and an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher - that's me) teach each class together. Ideally we sit down together each week and go over what we want to teach and how we're going to teach it (selecting activities, etc.). Arriving halfway through the school year, I kind of just went at it week by week throwing activities together so the kids could learn English. I designed all the classes and the JTE was mostly just there to help with class management. I teach with another ALT at my school (not common in this program) so we've been given a couple of classes a week where we teach without a JTE. This week is the start of the new school year, and I'm trying to do things differently. Since I'm here from the beginning now, I picked out some texts and scheduled overall goals for the term, so I hope that will help me organize the order of individual lesson plans. I'm also working in the JTE a lot more so that it becomes team teaching.


What are your living arrangements like?

I live in teacher housing about a 15-20min. bike ride from school (depending on the wind, grrrr....). It's subsidized by the government, so I pay a little over $200 a month for an apartment with 2 bedrooms, a living room, large kitchen, bathroom area and entrance way. I also have a small walk-in storage space outside (I keep my Honda SuperCub in there as well as my recycling - I haven't figured out how to get rid of that yet). The apartment was quite dirty and moldy when I moved in, and the air-conditioner didn't work. I scrubbed for about 12 hours. The moldy smell eventually went away after running a dehumidifier 24/7 for 3 weeks and blowing fans. The place is nice all things considered and is a 5 min. walk, 3 min. run from a train station so it's easy to get out of my tiny town and find some excitement. (I do like my city - it's quaint.)

Explain your social life?

Most of my friends are other Westerners, though recently I've been really trying to make Japanese friends. It helps that my Japanese is improving so that I can communicate with people on basic levels. I usually get together with another ALT(s) at least 4-5 times a month. I recently hosted a party at my apartment and about 20 people came, so that was fun. I work with and now live right next to another ALT so a lot of my social time is spent with her. I'm staring to spend a lot more time with this girl named Yuriko, maybe she'll be my girlfriend soon...


In your opinion, is there a certain type of person who chooses to
teach english abroad?

I've discovered that most of the people in the JET Program like to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. My voice went hoarse during our Tokyo Orientation (1200 JETs gathered together for 3 days in Shinjuku). Most people here are outgoing, though of course not all. Most people are very intelligent and interested in global issues. Many people are active in helping people through all kinds of ways all over the world. A lot of JETs like to travel. Of course people who want to teach abroad and still enjoy it after getting here have an adaptability to change and a willingness to try new things.


What advice would you give to someone considering teaching english abroad?

Go for it! It's going to change your life.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Vessel

The precious gem of life-in-Japan has grown many facets since I have been here. Hardened through the pressure of experience and the passage of time this once primordial lump of naivety has grown into a glittering stone, casting light in every direction. The complexities of life are being revealed.


Eight months have passed since I’ve been in Japan. (That’s two-thirds of a year gone, Steve). Many of those initial months passed in a vacation mindset with Japanese people appearing as little more than a curious aspect of this foreign place. I’ve really struggled to grasp the reality of their existence as people, as individuals with personalities and humor and family and backgrounds and all the other complexities of the individual life. I live here in this country, yet I live outside of its process, alienated by my inability to communicate. I have long realized the in to this world is language.


Last weekend, for the first time, I tried to use Japanese. Before this I had only ever uttered sounds, muttered laborious incantations like a child translating into pig-latin. English was the language of thought, English was how the world operated and Japanese was only a secret, seemingly impenetrable code that I could only grasp in the way a dog grasps human language.


Yet all of this changed when I dove headfirst into this language’s tempestuous waters. No longer a lever for pellet food, Japanese was now the vessel of human relation.


My speaking partner (my friend, my human contact!) was Yuriko with whom I have been speaking English for the past few months. I have increasingly felt my destituteness in this culture and have grown adamant in my demands to learn the language, so we decided to use only Japanese for the rest of our evening together. And the world changed to color.


We were at the mall when it happened. Because I was sharing the language I suddenly felt connected to the people around me. There was every opportunity and every possibility for interaction. Individuals gained backgrounds as history rushed into the room. Their features gave way to layers of personality. I even gained that veil of self-consciousness that comes when one realizes he is being perceived. The full vibrancy of life was in my grasp.


When we spoke Japanese that day, Japan became real to me. I have now seen this world through the opened door of possibility, and beyond it all of life awaits me.

Lots of Pictures

More Tokyo pictures from that same trip


My first car. I paid cash


Valentines, Graduation and Food


Food, a little of my life, the Man Bag