The Chronicles of the World's Saddest Sandwich

The Saga Begins

We join our heroes, Cheap White Bread, Kraft Single Wrapped Cheese, and Plate in close counsel. They must choose a leader. But who will lead this treacherous and harrowing journey from the table to the mouth?
"Certainly not Plate," said Cheese, "he's far too cowardly."
"Yes, cowardly, that's right," replied Bread.
"It's true," said Plate. "Plus I'm kind of heavy."
"You forgot ugly," retorted Cheese.
Bread let out a snicker.



"I move that Cheese gets to be the leader," said Bread sucking in breath to cover his laughs.
"I second," said Cheese.
"You can't second your own nomination," protested Plate.
"Well then who's going to second me...you?" Cheese sneered.
"Maybe I will, if you're going to challenge me like that. In fact, forget you, Cheese, I will nominate you. Second!"
"Well that's settled," sighed Bread. "Now the question is, who's going to be the delegator?"
Cheese said in his new leader voice, "You'll be the delegator, Bread."
"So...who's going to tell me what to do?" said Plate hesitantly.
"I delegate the leader to tell you what to do," Bread answered smartly.
"Thank you, but that really wasn't necessary, Bread," said Cheese.
"Sorry El Leadero."
"And I'm not nacho, I'm cheddar."
"Well you can't tell by your smooth and melt-at-room-temperature personality."
"You have been known to pool a little," added Plate.
Cheese, going a little red, decided it was time to change the subject. "We must organize men, cheerio!"
"Where'd the British accent come from?"
"I heard it in a movie somewhere, it sounded inspirational."
"Indeed, indeed," chimed in Plate, trying to sound British too.
"Stay out of this, Plate," said Bread crossly.
"OOOooo, you just got DELEGATED!" crowed Cheese marking his words with a point.
"Just step all over me, why don't you," said Plate, obviously smarting a little.
"What a great idea!" Cheese exclaimed.
Bread climbed up onto Plate.
"And if I stand on you..." said Cheese.
"Oh, and add a millimeter?" said Bread sarcastically.
Cheese pulled himself up anyway, accidentally stepping on Bread's toes on the way. "Well, the leader must go first certainly?"


Bread poked Cheese in the bum and Plate took this moment of dissidence to chime in. "I heard that if you fold yourselves over like 30 times you can reach the moon."
"We don't want to reach the moon, Plate, we're trying to get to the mouth. However, it would be nice to drop in on my relatives, the Mooncheeses."
"Is it on the way?" asked Bread.
Considering this thoughtfully, Cheese changed his mind. "No, it's not on the way, plus the Mooncheeses are my in-laws."
"So, one fold will do it?" Bread looked up for agreement. He got the nod from Cheese.


"Are we there yet?" asked Plate.
"I'm not sure...how do we tell?" said Bread with brow furrowed.
"I'm sure we'll know it when we get there," replied Cheese with confidence.

My home

Shizuoka Prefecture - You sweat your balls off in the summer and chatter your teeth out in the winter, but it's got the 3 things realtors are looking for most: location, location, location.

A Japanese Update

It's really great. I'm learning! I can definitely tell my Japanese has progressed and is on the move. I've now had 3 private lessons and it's definitely worth the cash. I thought that at worst it would provide motivation to study, and it's been doing much more than that; my private teacher Watanabesan really knows how to teach, so I'm absorbing information and setting the bar during my lessons.

The other night I biked to the konbini because I was craving some junk food. I made my purchases and hopped back on my bike. Just across the street from the konbini is this grease trap ramen shop that I had been to once and avoided since but this night I was feeling particularly daring (and admissibly more hungry than chocolate covered peanuts could satiate) so I decided to make a brief stop to order and swallow a single order of gyoza. How did it take me this long to learn my lesson? I now realize fully that when you don't speak a region's native language and you look as white as a polar bear nothing happens quickly. It used to bother me, but I finally just conceded that things are going to take longer than normal and to just roll with it. A laugh and a "wakarimasen" (I don't understand) is a reasonable response in many situations. However, many positions I find myself in I can get through eventually, it just takes a lot of arm flailing, chicken scratching and the 3rd or 4th choice vocabulary word. (And that's on both sides of the communication!) Furuyasan (my usual tutor at my bunka center lessons) is particularly hilarious in his actions - just tonight he had me laughing at his air guitar playing.

So I ordered my gyoza from the lady, and I heard her talking to the man behind the counter (I found out later they are husband and wife) that I was the English teacher at Ihara High School. I think she was a little put off that I only ordered gyoza. The man started talking to me a sentence or two at a time until our conversation really started to warm and he came over and took a seat next to me at the counter. We talked about English and teaching and a relative of his in the United States. We talked about the weather and that sort of thing - even small talk takes a while to get through for me still. His wife kept badgering him to let me eat; often in our conversation I was left with gyoza in chopsticks, in limbo between my plate and mouth. He would say "gomennasai" (sorry) then start talking again the moment I had a full mouth. I found out that his name is Mitsuo Sano and he is 66 years old. We also talked about my name, Ru-Sa-, and my age, 24, and the fact that I'm 42 years his junior! Sanosan actually runs an autobody shop connected to the ramen shop - thus maybe a bit of the grease and grime. He and his wife both are super nice and really fun to talk with. They ended up cooking me some free ramen (I had already eaten a bowl of ramen for lunch, but I really couldn't turn it down). Sanosan wanted to give me free beer, but I told him I had biked, so I couldn't drink. (There's a zero tolerance policy for drinking and driving here in Japan, one that is rigorously kept for even bicyclists. I would lose my job and get shipped home if I was pulled over on my bike blowing a 0.01.) He then said I had to walk next time to the shop so that we could drink together.

We talked too about learning Japanese and the efforts I've been making so far. He told me to bring my homework to their restaurant and work on it there. Tuesday night really made me feel welcomed in my community.

It's really weird thinking back on our conversation - I realize that we were communicating almost entirely in Japanese - I know more Japanese than they know English (and that's not to make anything of my abilities, believe me). I have yet to feel like I'm communicating while using Japanese, I still feel like it's a cumbersome blunt object that I'm wielding, hacking away at tangles of uncertainty. I can't wait until the Japanese language is no longer a burden but rather a vehicle. (A shinkansen, maybe!)

Well, either way, we still ended up exchanging a lot of information, and I'm happy with whatever successes I find. Japan's not too bad; I can see movement and that's a good thing.

John Bolton

Time Magazine was justifiably correct in labeling John Bolton as the “anti-diplomat” in their 10 Questions column. It seems that Bush nominated him for his potential to shake up and reform the U.N., or maybe more accurately, use it as a method for enacting U.S. agenda globally. Luckily he never received the proper nomination to enjoy the full title as permanent ambassador. The democrats were firmly against him, as well as several key republicans. He has very little respect for the U.N. and resolves too quickly for action rather than talking things over. In a glaring example, in 2003 Bolton was removed from the U.S. delegation to the six-party talks over the nuclear program in North Korea after using extreme and damaging language to describe the state of North Korea. The point of diplomacy is to open up the possibility for change through decent and tactful communication; not to shut down the other party through insults and bullying. Bush seemed to think this is what the U.N. needed when he appointed Bolton, and Bolton’s comments published recently in TIME magazine only verify this. The following is a question sent in by a reader and Bolton’s answer:

Given the U.N.’s endemic inertia, corruption and competing national agendas, do you think it still serves America’s national interest to be a member?

It does, although it’s not a body that I would rest our foreign policy on. The U.N. [however] can be a useful instrument of American foreign policy.

Wow.

The God Delusion (TGD) Commentary 4

Pg 125 Again, why does a supernatural being have to follow the rules contained within a natural universe? Irreducible complexity on earth points to a creator outside of the physical realm. It is not logical to continue the irreducible complexity argument once you leave what we understand as the physical realm.

126 You write, “One of the truly bad effects of religion is that it teaches us that it is a virtue to be satisfied with not understanding.” In the Bible we are not told to disregard our logical minds. Christ commands us to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

126 Dawkins also assumes that the gaps will eventually all be filled by scientific research. First of all, it is impossible to run an experiment on the process of evolution. It’s not observable, so we can’t make conclusions based on observation.

126-7 Dawkins makes a good point that Intelligent Design people (IDers) mooch off of scientists, only waiting to pounce on newly discovered gaps in evolution rather than going out and finding evidence for Intelligence Design. However, there are many scientists finding evidence for design and a young earth. Walt Brown is one (check out his book In the Beginning…). We can only draw conclusions from what is observable. Those facts are then run through an interpretation filter where one side concludes that evolution must be true and the other concludes that Intelligent Design must be true. It’s that interpretation filter that’s so complicated and involved and wrapped up in our worldview and perspective and reference frame and subconscious.

127 Dawkins says that molecular genetics is evidence for evolution.

128 Dawkins states, “No anachronistic fossils have ever been authentically found.” I think this means that you don’t want to believe any of the anachronistic fossils that have been discovered are real. This would be interesting research. Also – on the other side of the coin, some fossils that stand as champions of evolution have a pretty sketchy record, like the Leakey’s Lucy for example. Different body parts from this supposed individual were discovered hundreds of meters apart.

129 Is there molecular evidence of scaffolding?

132 Dawkins writes about evolutionary theory: “A lot more work needs to be done, of course, and I’m sure it will be.” Here’s another quotation: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…” Hebrews 11:1. Dawkins has faith too. He is sure of what he hopes for and certain of what he doesn’t see. He sees some of the gaps filled by scientific discoveries – (which by the way are not therefore proofs against God’s existence) and assumes that every gap and every process will be able to be explained without needing a creator.

133 I think science should do everything it can to find ways to ease people’s pain. How is that a bad thing? Jesus says to feed the hungry, clothe the poor. If a particular scientist believes in evolution and is able to do this, let him!

134 I will give the same answer “He’s always existed and he’s not constrained by nature.” It’s impossible to fully grasp and difficult for many to believe. But that’s the answer, and I’ll never apologize for it. If there is a supernatural being, then that’s the way it is. I cannot prove it to you like a math theorem. Then you answer, “Which of course, explains nothing.” I won’t even try to explain the how of God existing outside of nature and the exact relationship between the two. But I will explain God’s character. And his relationship with people. And I will let the Holy Spirit work in people’s lives and I’ll let their hearts speak honestly to themselves about what they think about God.

134 In the Christian worldview, God did not create pain. He did not design us with intentions for back pain or arthritis or broken bones or heartbreak for that matter. We were designed perfectly and with the intention that we would live in perfect communion with our creator never knowing or experiencing pain. However, we chose to go against God and leave his presence, leave his will for us. This brought pain into the world. The fact that there are prey and predators at all is the result of our own doings. God is still on the side of his creation even though it chose to disobey.

137-9 Here we read about the anthropic principle. Dawkins explains the anthropic principle in this way: The odds of life beginning spontaneously are 1 in a billion billion. This seems very small and unlikely, but when you consider the fact that there are a billion billion planets that could potentially support life, then 1 of those planets will have life. Everything in our situation just seems to line up so perfectly because we happen to be that 1 in a billion billion!

I challenge the anthropic principle. First of all, I’d like to start with a brief statistics lesson. Thank you to my statistician consultant, Steve Lund (a doctoral candidate in statistics at Iowa State), for providing the following:

Assume a billion billion sided die. Each side has an equal chance of being rolled. Each roll has no effect on subsequent rolls. Let’s assign the perfect set of conditions that start life to side #1. What are the odds that “1” will be rolled at least once when the die is rolled 1 billion billion times? It’s not 100% as Dawkins assumes in his thought argument. The answer is actually about 63%, or less than two-thirds. So even if the figures are the numbers that Dawkins proposes, there’s still a 37% chance or so that life would not begin on any planet. Mr. Lund would like to further provide that the odds proposed are purely hypothetical bordering on the arbitrary, so it’s not too productive to even go through the statistics. However, Dawkins provides some numbers for arguments sake, so I will continue my argument in the same vein.

Next Dawkins says that “Natural selection works because it is a natural one way street to improvement.” Then he admits that natural selection needs luck to get started, but that the anthropic principle covers that infinitesimally small chance of natural selection getting underway. I think the odds are a lot worse than he thinks. To start things off I want to be fair to Dawkins and repeat his caution that we cannot put these same odds on the chances of Darwinian evolution happening and I totally agree. Yet once again, Dawkins is equating observable natural selection (Darwinian evolution) with evolution and they’re not the same thing.

Yet now look at this: Dawkins himself says there are “a few later gaps in the evolutionary story [that] also need major infusions of luck” and then says again it’s still probable that it happened because of the anthropic principle. But what is the odds multiplier for each of those “few later gaps” and just how many is a few? Let’s do some real number crunching. And, barring the impossibility of that, let’s at least be as realistic and quantitative with the numbers as possible.

Speculation wise, say the odds of that initial jump start to life are 1:1,000,000,000,000,000,000 (a billion billion.) Let’s say a few = 3. I think there are many more places in evolution that natural selection won’t smooth over and Dawkins hints that there are more as well. Now let’s say that the odds of each of those “later gaps” happening are a more promising 1:1,000,000,000. We have to multiply a billion 3 times against our original number. Now the odds of life making it all the way to our present day are 1:1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Or 1 in 1x10^45. Are there that many planets in the universe that could potentially support life?

I just looked this up - the NASA Website states that the Hubble Telescope in 1999 came up with a prediction of 125 billion galaxies in the universe. As technology gets better, this number could rise. For arguments sake, let’s say that number is actually 1,000 times bigger. Let’s say there are 125 trillion galaxies in the universe. Our galaxy, the Milky Way, has an estimated 300 billion stars. Charley Lineweaver of the University of New South Wales in Australia told space.com, "There are about 300 billion stars in our galaxy. About 10 percent (or 30 billion) are roughly Sun-like," he explained. "At least 5 percent (1.5 billion) but possibly as many as 90 percent or 100 percent (about 30 billion) of these have Jupiter-like planets." The thought is that Jupiter planets hold the key to surviving (and possibly thriving) earth-like planets. So if every solar system with a Jupiter planet also had an earth-like planet, then there would be 30 billion planets with the potential to support life, or about 1 planet to every 10 stars at best.

Next let’s say that the average galaxy holds not 300 billion stars but 1 trillion stars. This again is a liberal estimate. That makes the number of earth like planets 100 billion per galaxy. All we have to do now is multiply our number of galaxies with our number of planets-with-potential per galaxy to get the total number of these planets in the universe.

100 billion x 125 trillion = 1.25x10^25

This number is far smaller than our odds calculated above, 1 in 1x10^45. The anthropic principle can no longer be our mathematical savior.

Mid Year Seminar Reactions

I was thinking more today about personal responsibility and this job I have as a teacher overseas. Too many times have I used the excuse that I’m not teacher trained or that I don’t understand the language or the culture or that my job is too ambiguous. Akiko Hasegawa, The keynote speaker at our prefecture’s Mid-Year Seminar, delivered a very inspiring speech. She is currently a professor at Tokoha Gakuen University, but for 8 years had been in charge of the JET Program in our region as an English Teacher’s Consultant. She gave us a history of her strictness and passion as an educator and then as an administrator of ALTs. One thing that she said made my notes:

“You may not have been an English major, but now you’re an English teacher so you need to study.”

In my own notes to myself I wrote,

“I may not have the experience, I may not have the training, but I have a good head on my shoulders. I have common sense. I have an education. I have genuine care for my students. I have the capabilities and nothing is too hard. Don’t complain.”

Here are some other good points I wrote down during the seminar:

- Make the first move

- Teachers are in the business of sowing slow growing seeds. It’s difficult to not be able to see immediate change, to not “seal the deal” so to speak. It’s a daily thought, moving forward a little each day. Movement, investment.

- This moment is a new moment.

- I will act proactively in everything I do.

- The red moments will pass. Don’t worry about it.

- People respond to your confidence, not your abnormalities/deficiencies.

- (As a side bar: Have I ever found this to be true! I see it over and over again in so many circumstances and find it in so many situations. Just yesterday I was reading reactions to Lincoln written by some of his contemporaries. Many made statements about his ridiculous appearance or high and tinny voice. These were suddenly overlooked when Lincoln opened his mouth and delivered some of history’s most famous speeches with dignity, passion and logic. He always grasped the gravity of the situation and always came through with confidence and understanding in his cause.)

- (I personally have been saying for about 8 years now that “confidence is 90% of everything.” I truly believe this and find over and over that my performance follows closely with my confidence in whatever it is I’m doing.)

- In everything, when you’re not sure, ask the JTE.

Here are the notes I scrawled to myself in between correcting tests today:

I may not have teacher training, but let’s face it – this isn’t a technical skill kind of job. There’s no assembly line, no number crunching formulas; there are many grey areas. There’s often not a right or wrong answer; only answers that are better than others. My major prepared me for this very thing. Why complain about not having the training? [I’ve now beat that phrase to death, so I won’t use it anymore] This is real world problem solving. My job is to: communicate, take tasks seriously, follow through, and do the research when I don’t have the knowledge. My time here in Japan and in Ihara High School is so applicable to my future career and my life. With hard work in all these areas I can even find success where I am right now.

Libertarians

The O'Reilly video I watched the other day plus a recent reading of Justin Webb's Blog (the North America editor for BBC) led me to the libertarian homepage. Wow, this platform is crazy - you should check it out: http://www.lp.org/issues/platform_all.shtml.

I definitely am not a libertarian; I don't think a lot of their policies would work out too well if unleashed on the entire population. And unleashed is not a randomly chosen word- I think it's one the libertarians would choose themselves- "Run free, Americans, Run free!"

For example, their stance on Freedom of Religion:

I.3 Freedom of Religion

Issue: Government routinely invades personal privacy rights based solely on individuals’ religious beliefs. Arbitrary tax structures are designed to give aid to certain religions, and deny it to others.

Principle: We defend the rights of individuals to engage in (or abstain from) any religious activities that do not violate the rights of others.

This is weak. How can you defend the rights of an individual who says it's his right to pray in school when another individual says it's his right not to have to listen to the other guy praying? Lines have to be drawn somewhere.

Simply check out the opening paragraph of their preamble to see where the basic principle goes wrong:

Preamble

As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others.

In a recent reading of Outline of U.S. History published by the U.S. Department of State, I found that I have a leaning towards "republicanistic" views. Republicanism is the idea that one is inherently entitled to certain unalienable rights, but that those rights should be subordinate to "communal responsibility" and "self-denying virtue," especially among the nations leaders. Republicanism was almost chosen over individual rights by our nation's founders as the rally cry for independence. What a different history (and present) we would have if the phrase "your benefit" rose above the cries of "my rights."

I also disagree with the libertarian foreign policy. This world is astronomically more interconnected today than it was 230 years ago. It is impossible for the United States to not be involved. Even if you don't think we should be proactively involved overseas, then you would have to at least concede that we must be reactively - what happens abroad affects us at home; wars, famine, economic and political crises, environmental issues - we cannot wash our hands and leave the world alone. Since we must be involved, let's go at it with knowledge, tact, sensitivity and intelligence.

Those are the qualities that I think should be representing and running our country. Those who display historical and current knowledge, use tact in their interpersonal communication, are sensitive to the complex issues surrounding us today, and display intelligence that permeates through all of this and appears in all aspects of their person will receive my vote. I care less about individual policies and more about a candidate's overall platform and character. I cannot be informed on every issue or understand the social science behind every policy so I have to trust representatives to put their lives and efforts into governing for me.

This is not to excuse myself from the responsibility of seeking knowledge and understanding. I will pursue these as well- it’s just that at the moment mine’s not on a global scale nor do my actions affect literally millions of people on a daily basis. I hope one day to be involved on a larger scale, but I’ve got a lot of work to do before I get there. For now I have to plug along on my daily basis reading, talking, writing, asking questions, praying, and being responsible to this current job and all that that entails.

Speaking of which – I just a stack of tests dropped on my desk that need marking. I’ll stop the rhetoric for now and get to work.

Say my name, say my name

I just got home from work and am now cooking dinner for 1 in my 2 bedroom apartment. I stopped by this little grocery store for the first time on my bike ride home to pick up some eggs and then bacon (at least I think that’s what I bought). I can hear the sizzling now mixing with my ever present chorus of semi-truck tires and rumbling concrete.

I had my second private Japanese lesson last night. It’s going really well and I’m really excited because I finally feel like I’m getting started. I’ve gotten somewhat comfortable with my life here, that is to say I’m settled in, and I’m ready to move past the surviving stage and into a thriving one. However, I still find pulling and perplexing aspects on an almost daily basis.

Last night my tutor, Watanabe-san, was asking me my family member’s names. When I tried telling her Marie’s name, I put it in katakana and said “Ma Ri” with the emphasis on the second syllable. Watanabe-san asked me, “Is it Mary?” (She can speak English fluently). I said no, it’s Marie. “Oh, so Ma Ri,” she repeated, but with the emphasis on the first syllable. I said, no, that it was actually Ma Ri. But Watanabe-san corrected me again and then went on to explain that in katakana, foreign words always receive the higher emphasis on the third to last syllable, and since Marie only has two syllables, the emphasis is on the second to the last syllable. I was quite put off by this, like the wind being taken out of my sails. I had already been putting up with people calling me “Ru—Sa—“ for the past 4 months, and now here was a name that could actually be somewhat accurately pronounced using Japanese phonetics, yet that wasn’t the way it was going to be.

When Watanabe-san was giving me a ride back to the station I started thinking about names again. I suddenly realized that I now knew what it feels like for people coming to America – people with Chinese names and Arabic names and Thai names in a place where no one can pronounce them. I was thinking this out loud to Watanabe-san, and I almost started crying. I said that it was difficult to have to say my own name incorrectly to people in order for them to understand me.

Thinking back on it now, I remember wondering to Sarah, my fellow ALT at my high school, if I would miss hearing people say my name. There’s just so much identity wrapped up in it- and maybe especially for me since I’ve never been called anything else my entire life.

I was looking at an American friend living in Japan’s photo album the other day and saw a picture of her singing in a row of Japanese ladies; her natural bleach blond hair stark against the row of black. One of her Asian friends back in the states had made a comment poking fun at “all the Asians and [her]!” and then wrote, “Now you know how this girl feels every day.”

I am a minority here: in this city, in this prefecture and in this country; A minority in looks, in language and in culture. This is neither a positive nor a negative value placed on this statement, it just simply is so far. I really haven’t had a long enough period of time to flesh it all out.

Osaka and Okinawa pics!

Kakegawa Mid Year Seminar and Osaka:
http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2111976&l=aa00c&id=59501063
Okinawa part I:
http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2111977&l=e77d8&id=59501063
Okinawa part II:
http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2111978&l=1d6d5&id=59501063

Okinawa

Okinawa was a great time. I went down with 2 ALT friends for the weekend and stayed with an American family, the Fallons. The Fallons picked us up at the airport Friday night and took us on a ride through the neon lights and electrical advertisements lining the main drag on that side of the island. Okinawa is a thin strip of land 67 miles long and 4 miles wide at the narrowest. Much of the island has been greatly developed even in the last 35 years since Okinawa became part of Japan. In return for allowing vast American presence, Brock Fallon explained, America was pumping millions of dollars into the development of the prefecture. Okinawa actually includes many islands, most of them small that surround the mainland. Despite the American aid, Okinawa is still the poorest prefecture of Japan’s forty-seven.

I spent most of my time listening to Brock and Linda Fallon describe their ministry work here in Japan as well as their incredible interest in and knowledge of American military history. Brock had been in the Army Reserves for 28 years before retiring as a commercial diving engineer. Now he is a high school math teacher on one of the military bases in Okinawa. With his clearance we were able to get on the bases as well for shopping, dining, and renting snorkeling gear. If snorkeling had not been my number one priority I totally would have wanted to go golfing at Kadena’s golf course- only $6.50 for 18 beautiful holes.

At first I had adverse reactions to this. Six-fifty for 18 holes of golf? That’s where our tax money is going? Then I was told that for Christmas, the military families were getting shipments of pine Christmas trees, not native to the island of Okinawa. Another lavish expense unnecessary. But as the weekend progressed I started to think a lot harder about the money being spent on military men and women already stationed around the globe. You may disagree with war in principle, you may disagree with particular wars, but I find it difficult at least to relegate the lives of those who serve.

On Sunday we went to Camp Hansen for a morning service. There I met a young man named D. (I’ll keep his name to an initial) who came with us to the Churaumi Aquarium Sunday afternoon. Here was this 19 year old kid, really, with a young bride back home in the states, giving up the first year of marriage and the last year of his teens to sit on an island and tool radios for military operations in Southeast Asia. Other families on base have husbands and fathers away on secret missions where they have to wonder where they are or if they’re even alive. When that young soldier signs his name on the line, he’s not only sacrificing his own life but the lives of his family members as well. I’ll let them play golf for 6 bucks.

Besides the golf course, there are many other amenities to make families feel at home. Stepping onto Kadena base (the second largest American Air Force base in the world) was like stepping back onto American soil. I was surprised to find that it’s not, legally. The entrances to all the bases we were on were marked by the American and the Japanese flag. However, standing in a Chili’s parking lot not 6 hours after departing the Shinkansen (bullet train) was a surreal experience. Once inside I was immediately struck by the entire occupation of white faces and brown crew cuts. And lo and behold, the flat screen TV was playing the Packers/Lions game! I ordered 2 appetizers and a steak- I almost couldn’t put down the menu. For a drink I asked for “water…in a tall glass, please.” The girl looked at me funny, but I didn’t care, I hadn’t seen a tall glass at a restaurant since I’d been in the states. I ate way too much that evening and left with a stretched stomach; but it was for the best- I was preparing for a Thanksgiving meal the following day.

Linda Fallon had made Turkey-day food for 100 soldiers that Thursday and had managed to save almost a whole bird plus all the fixings and gravy. The only thing missing from our Saturday Thanksgiving feast was the can-shaped cranberry sauce. This was my birthday meal. And to top it off, pumpkin pie! Little did Linda know that this was often what I would ask for instead of a birthday cake growing up.

So it was an American weekend. We didn’t get much of a chance to see the Okinawans in action (I hear they have a much more relaxed way of life) but we did get to see an aspect of Okinawa that typically only military folk see, and their perspective is from the inside. I will definitely return sometime again before I leave Japan for good (and when will that be?) whether under the guise of a vacationer or not. Or maybe it will be on Brock’s command for me to take some diving lessons and stay a bit in the summer. There’s so much more to this island than I ever knew, and the military presence is a whole new fascinating situation of its own.

I’ll end with my random bit of musing I did today whilst taking my morning shower:

I like writing down my “thinkings” rather than my “thoughts.” To me the word “thoughts” is static and past oriented. “Thinkings” is dynamic and malleable. Once a thought occurs it’s frozen in the past; At best a thought is simply a momentary slice of a thinking. These thinkings can be stirred, can be simmered and steeped. Then strained through colanders of new ideas and experiences to emerge in their own right worthy of utterance.

LAFinginKambara (5:52:46 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNSlpftizbE&feature=related
wlgeng (5:52:58 PM): oh man i can't stand him
LAFinginKambara (5:53:10 PM): wow, the people who write comments are idiots
LAFinginKambara (5:53:17 PM): neither can I
LAFinginKambara (5:53:23 PM): that's why you'll like this video
wlgeng (5:53:40 PM): i do think he's not as bad a guy as he tried to make ppl think
wlgeng (5:53:51 PM): i think he's 80% showman
LAFinginKambara (5:54:13 PM): His showmanship is not journalism though
wlgeng (5:54:07 PM): err
wlgeng (5:54:09 PM): i'm tired
wlgeng (5:54:10 PM): lol
LAFinginKambara (5:54:24 PM): that's why it's so frustrating
LAFinginKambara (5:55:10 PM): it serves no other purpose than to entertain stupid republicans
LAFinginKambara (5:55:47 PM): it asks no questions
LAFinginKambara (5:55:54 PM): raises no worthwile debate
wlgeng (5:55:53 PM): ya
LAFinginKambara (5:56:03 PM): generates no ideas or solutions
wlgeng (5:56:12 PM): basically he's an overgrown toddler
wlgeng (5:56:20 PM): "NO YOU"
LAFinginKambara (5:56:43 PM): It doesn't even teach polite and congenial behavior
wlgeng (5:57:11 PM): heh ya
LAFinginKambara (5:57:21 PM): Whoever is louder wins the argument and O'Reilly turns up his mic

TGD commentary 3

Pg 78: About God and omniscience and omnipotence:
God exists outside of time. He sees all of time at once. If time is a conveyor belt with us on it gliding along, then God is the foreman watching the belt move. God not only created the universe and everything in it, he also created time itself. He knows “the future” in the sense that we perceive “the future.” But to him, really he is already there, yet existing outside of it. He is powerful to do whatever he wants at whatever time he wants to do it. He has a higher understanding, a higher observation and a different experience of time than we do.

Pg 78: Aquinas is simply asking, what was before the universe?

Bottom pg 79: I think it’s still relevant to ask, “What started it?” And what are the probabilities of the possible answers? What’s the probability that evolution happened?

Pg 85: These “proofs” for God are hilarious! I don’t believe these prove anything, so I agree with the point Dawkins is making. I also then go back to my opening statement of shame over my and my fellow Christians’ display of action, knowledge (or the lack thereof) and intelligence.

Let me remind myself again, that only the Holy Spirit can do any of the convincing. It’s His job, not mine; I am forever humbled if he chooses to use me to speak to anyone. Having said that – I will provide my brief discussion of God’s existence: “God exists far outside of my ability to say He does.” If there were no humans on this earth, God would be. He doesn’t need an argument. He doesn’t need a proof. He simply is.

Pg 88: Sanity in numbers. But why has the number of Christians been so high?

Pg 92: Dawkins uses 1 example of many people observing a supposed miracle, the miracle of Fatima in 1917. How about other observations? For example, I know a man who had an inflamed appendix, then some people prayed over it, and it disappeared out of his body. Hundreds, thousands of these types of things have happened and are happening today. How come Dawkins isn’t explaining these away? If you want to talk probability, it’s improbable that in every situation where someone experiences a “miracle” it was a brain trick.

Pg 93: Actually, the gospels were not written that long after Jesus’ death. They were written within the time where people who knew Jesus personally were still alive. And, the “Chinese whisperers” effect is not a valid argument because we have documents from less than 100 years after Jesus death and we can go and read them right now if we like.

Pg 94: It is likely that people would remember if they were in the lineage of David or not. He was a pretty important person, so important and historically famous that people would certainly know if they were in his direct lineage.

Pg 96: How do you know the gospels are made up? You think they are, because in your mind it seems to make sense that they’re not real. You are doing the same thing that you blame many Christians for doing. You find “proofs” that support your way of thinking and Christians find “proofs” that support their line of thinking. The evidences when compiled disproportionately, unrepresentatively and speculatively can support either side. But when presented wholly and truthfully, disclosing all absolutely known facts (excluding “facts” that are in doubt) which direction does it lean?

Pg 96: Not a good logical progression. This just points out Dawkins’s personal musings. Phrases like “perhaps,” “are as factually dubious” are not warranted when in Biblical canon they took works that were already verified by history. It wasn’t whimsical. Read history of the canon to find why. You say authors of the gospels “almost certainly never met Jesus personally.” Please back that statement up with facts and evidence. Also you state a translation of Joseph’s occupation should read “craftsman” instead of “carpenter.” What’s the difference? This is not a flagrant mistake in translation. If that’s the best “mistake” you can come up with, then my trust in accurate translation only deepens.

If the Bible’s all made up, why has it survived and thrived? Why are there so many Christians today? And it’s not a cultural phenomenon- there are true Bible believing Christians in almost every culture. Why were and are so many people willing to die for Christianity? Why would the authors of the Bible risk everything and subject themselves to constant beatings and finally execution for something contrived? Each author would have to have been exceedingly intelligent to make sure everything they wrote about Jesus lined up with previous writings predicting what he would do. How was the canon committee able to find all these texts that just happened to agree with each other?

Here’s the basis of everything:

We were created for communion with God. In the beginning God created a perfect world where we (humans) had perfect communion with him. And we were to praise him and bring him glory because he is. That is still what we are to do today. We are intended for perfect communion and to give him glory and recognition and praise simply for the reason that he is.

On this globe we perverted that. We decided to do something other than what he would have us do: we chose communion with something other than God. So now perfect communion cannot be achieved until after we die. (This world is but a passing shadow.) This has led to all problems, all confusion, all misgivings, all doubts and all outright denial of God’s existence. Our struggle on Earth is to try and commune with a God on our own merits, which we have found impossible. Jesus then provided the way to do this so that we are now redeemed and found perfect and no longer accused. The experience of perfect communion with God will not be fulfilled, however, until life in this sin-filled world passes.

Lord, it is such a struggle! And all a result of my own rebellion and yielding to temptation. Bending, giving in, kowtowing. Hebrews 11:7, 10, 13-16, 26, 38, 40. “God planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”

Pg 104: Dawkins asks, “What’s so special [to Christianity] about believing?” – here Dawkins demonstrates that he does not understand or even know the basics of Christian doctrine. I would hope that anyone considering dismissing Christianity would at least have an intellectual understanding of what it is.

Pg 121: Dawkins keeps pushing natural selection as the cause of life and everything. Natural selection is a fact. It’s observable. But any move from micro- to macro-evolution is faith-based. There is no proof or suggestion or observation that natural selection over thousands and millions of years produces evolution. Don’t confuse those 2 terms.

Also to address “If the world is designed by a creator, then who designed the creator?”: Why does this question need to be asked? If a god designed all that is physical, the physical realm and even time itself, then why are you subjecting him to the rules we observe in the physical realm? It does not “regress to a problem.”

Pg 122: Again, in Dawkins metaphor of evolution being a long gradual climb up a softly sloped mountain, he’s assuming that natural selection = evolution, which it doesn’t.

Pg 123: Your dealing with the smooth gradient of evolutionary change with a wing or an eye is not logical. I quote: “The thought experiment of trees of different height, from which one might fall, is just one way to see, in theory, that there must be a smooth gradient of advantage all the way from 1 percent of a wing to 100 percent.” This is not a sound or scientific statement. There are many things that need to develop for a wing or an eye to be even slightly useful. A human with 25% of the necessary biology for an eye cannot see ¼ as well as a human with a complete eye. Every piece must be in place for the eye to work at all. The human eye will not just be fuzzy without an optic nerve, it will be completely useless. Or substitute 1 of hundreds of biological intricacies found in the eye. It is not a “smooth gradient.” Not to mention the thousands of processes within a body that must develop (“evolve”) simultaneously for any one of them to be useful to the species.

Saying that a human eye is more developed than a flatworm’s eye, thus proving gradients, is an illogical statement as well because you have to compare the eye against that species parent and its parent and its parent, etc. Take 50% (or whatever percentage) out of a human eye and you don’t get a flatworm eye.

My testimony

I first wrote this down in note form and presented it at a Navigators meeting the beginning of April this year, 2007. So the time references are based on the time of presentation, 8 months ago. I finally now got this written down in paragraph form, and am generally happy with the accuracy of everything, thought I think it made a better speech. Anywho, it's down now on the internet, so no fire or bout of amnesia will erase this true and accurate testimony.



I testify that God is real, that God is truth, and that this universe operates under his design and his direction.

As I was asked to give my testimony, I really tried to think about what a testimony is. So naturally I went to a big, fat dictionary propped open on a library podium. Here I found 2 things: 1. A testimony is a firsthand authentication of a fact, and 2. A testimony is something that severs as an outward sign.

Let’s notice something about that first definition: My testimony is an authentication of an already existing fact. God is real. He is the fact; He exists. Completely and wholly outside of me saying that he does. My utterance does not create his existence. If there was no one on this earth to think about God, he would still exist. “In the beginning, God…” My purpose through this testimony is to provide first hand authentication of the already existing fact.

I testify that God is real, that God is truth, and that this universe operates under his design and his direction.

His Design: Romans 1:20 states, “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” His Direction: Hebrews 4:12 states, “The word is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thought and attitudes of the heart.”

I have felt that double-edged sword pierce into my soul and my marrow so much over these past 9 months, and it is for 2 reasons: One, God calling me and drawing me in, and Two, My decision to seek after him with reckless abandon.

There are several passages that speak to this. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” James 4:7-8 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.” And lastly here, Philippians 2:12-13: “Continue to work out your salvation (that is, work out your obedience) with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” In this third passage we see both dynamics of God calling me, drawing me, working in me as I strive to work out my salvation.

Ok, so here’s the story of the past 9 months:

Last year I lived with non-Christians. I was living off campus for the first time, and it really wore on me. I am a person who can be easily influenced by my surroundings, so I saw my obedience slip and wane. Drinking increased. Swearing increased. God as my joy and delight faded down my list of priorities. So second semester came around and I met this girl. This wonderful, funny, talented, beautiful girl, who, for those simple reasons quickly became the joy and delight of my life.

Now I’m not saying that it is wrong to delight in your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife. Ephesians 5 as well as many other places in the Bible tells us quite the opposite (read Song of Songs for example!). The problem with me was that I was making this relationship my all. I could honestly say to myself and to others, “God. Yeah, he’s number 7.” Or “God, he’s number 8.” I had this surface elation but inside I was dying, decaying really. And I knew this; I knew this.

So finals week last spring we broke up because we knew we weren’t seeking God. And I truly was broken. I had lost what I thought was giving my life purpose and joy. So I decided to turn to God. At first it all felt cheapened, because when I had what I wanted I wasn’t seeking God, but now that I needed something from him again, I was turning to him. But I decided I’d go to him anyway, because I really did need him. Every day I spent talking with him. I started praying through the Psalms, one a day from mid-July. I had many conversations with my sister on the phone and with my new Christian roommates. Through this and during this I heard God say to me in no uncertain terms, “Luther, you fool. You think you initiated our relationship? I put my hand in your life…to stop you, to redirect you, to move you.” God afflicted me, affected me, rushed to me, showed me he was there, and called softly in my ear. Acts 17:26-27 is now taped to my desk. “From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is hot far from each one of us.” God placed me, God called me, and he waits for me to run to his voice.

That brings me to that second definition of testimony; something that serves as an outward sign.

Does my life give testament to God’s existence and God’s truth? Is my life an outward sign or proof that God is real? I desire this to be so every day of my life. I know I’m not perfect, but I am striving to be like Jesus. And here’s the real important part: I have discovered that, the more I draw near to God, the more I seek him out, the more He becomes such a natural outpouring in my life. I can’t not talk about Him. I can’t not give him the credit.

I’ll end with this:

I had the opportunity to talk with Jared Wass recently. During this conversation the verse Psalm 37:4 came up: “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I used to think that this meant, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you a wife, a new car, a good job, etc.” But Jared showed me, if I delight in the Lord, what is the desire of my heart? It’s the Lord!!! God is promising that if I seek Him, he will give me himself. What better joy is there than that?

God has become so real and active in my life because God is a real and active God and I have been seeking him with my all.

pics

Kyoto and Nara:
http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2110256&l=33ffd&id=59501063

More Kyoto and Nara:
http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2110266&l=58860&id=59501063

Daidoge and Yamanashi

Which means, street performances and biking to a new prefecture! It wasn't far...

http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2109197&l=b13ac&id=59501063

Homestay Pics

http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2108301&l=afe84&id=59501063

I was coming home from work today and I had a couple of errands to run so I decided to swing into the "city" part of Kambara and stop in a konbini for a quick snack. I walked in, purused the aisles for a bit, then nonchalantly chose an onigiri, paid for it and stepped outside the store. I stood there to eat it like a good Japanese boy before moving on, and that was right where it hit me: I had just chosen and purchased a snack made out of plain rice and dried seaweed. And I was eating it. I was shocked- it was like a spell had been lifted and my vision cleared revealing to me once again the world.

I'm really happy here, and I revel in those moments. I like breaking from the mundane; I like smiling, I like wistling, I like the little diddy that gets played on loop at the grocery store. Maybe that's mundane to a Japanese person, but to me it's dripping with life. When my eyes are open I see the animation in every object around me, the world is dancing, my surroundings are putting on a show. I haven't sung so clearly in a long time. Tonight I took a shower and forgot my towel in my bedroom, so I just shook off like a dog and walked out into my house, laughing.

These past 3 Monday nights I've been playing soccer with my fellow teachers against other teachers from different high schools in the area. Tonight we won 1-0 and I scored the only goal! I had about 4 shots on goal, and this particular one was almost saved by the keeper, but he didn't get there quite in time so the ball just barely crossed the line. The ref didn't catch it at first so I started pointing and yelling, then the wistle blew and I couldn't tell what was going on, then I started jogging back thinking they didn't call it, then the ball came rolling past me on it's way to the center because it had been seen as a goal! I was pretty pumped, but didn't know how to show it or what to say- (is it ok to rub a goal in a sensei's face?) Anyway, my teachers seemed pretty happy, and I got lots of happy comments after the game. I say "happy comments" because they were all trying to translate things into English, and that kind of slows down the celebrating, so one teacher just patted me on the arm, jumped up and down and said "yea!"

It's frustrating to not be able to make all my usual comments and be understood, but as I've been getting more and more comfortable here I've been more and more myself in my mannerisms and even in using English- if no one understands me, oh well, they can listen to the tone of my voice and I'll understand me. Luckily I think I'm sorta funny and clever, so it's entertaining. And my mom thinks I'm pretty neat so if nothing else, that's one person in the world.

Well, I should probably get to wrapping this up- I ate an entire 90g package of Tohato kyarameruko-n (caramel corn) while writting this and I'm afraid I'm about to move on to something else. I have not forgotten the TGD commentaries I promised I'd write, so next post I'll put a lot of time into doing that.

じゃあ、ね。

Lime Juice

I bought a Corona at the Konbini today. It came with its own little ketchup like packet of lime juice. I popped the top as a reward for picking up my apartment this evening and took a swig. Suddenly, I was whisked back to Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I'm not sure why the taste of Corona brings me back there so suddenly, but maybe it's because that's what Eau Claire tastes like if you were to take a big slurp with your tongue. Or maybe it's simply a little too telling of the kinds of activities I partook in whilst I was gracing that city with my presence.

I do dearly, dearly miss that place. I miss popping out of the wigwam on a sunny, fall afternoon with crisp air in my lungs and the tragic beauty of dying leaves spread across my pictoview. I miss walking 3 blocks to my choice of 13 bars, packed onto one avenue, doors open and windows polished waiting for the crowd to trickle in. I miss throwing a football on Chippewa Street. I miss getting caught up in the college life and being surrounded by thousands of my peers. I felt something then. I felt like somebody then and somehow in that small world I felt like there were endless possibilities, if I was only willing to swallow my pride, forgo my inhibitions and take a step in any direction.

And now I've stepped out into the world. I've stretched my legs across ocean and continent to a place where I have no previous feeling. What am I building here? What am I finding? When I reflect on this time in the future, what will I feel? And what popped beverage will bring me back?

Happy Halloween!

The much anticipated and slightly celebrated Holiday is in full swing!

School has officially ended for the day here at Ihara High School, but I'm still handing out pieces of candy. For the past week I've been telling my classes to come find me during Halloween Day and say "Trick-or-Treat" and I'll give them a piece of candy. Sarah and I both picked up a few hundred yen worth of individually wrapped pieces of chocolate the other day, and Sarah bought a cute little collapsable pumpkin to keep it all in. The pumpkin is empty now - I had to dig into my "Halloween Pockey" this afternoon. All in all I think I gave out around 200 pieces or just over. I've been wearing these weird glasses with a fake, green warewolf muzzle and jester hat all week as my costume. Sarah's been wearing devil horns and a black cape. For our lesson plans we've been playing "Pass the Pumpkin" (telling a story and passing right or left whenever they hear that particular word) and "Mystery Bag Stories," the game where you have to feel different objects in covered bags that feel like body parts. We had halved Shittake mushrooms as ears (sugoi! they felt exactly like ears!), cheetos for fingers and konyaku for guts (a kind of jellied yam- actually, I think it's devil's tongue or something like that). So we and the kids had a ton of fun. Still another day of Halloween celebration to go tomorrow, minus all the candy of course! Tomorrow's supposed to be the day where kids feel sick.

the requested pics

My October Life part II:
http://uwec.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2106350&l=f5dc8&id=59501063

Update/TGD Commentary II

The sanma's in the trash. I hope I didn't disappoint you as much as I have myself, for it would make for a long night. But, if anything, this has solidified my resolve and I will acquire another one. I also finished reading Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris. I found it quite unconvincing (the point of the book being really to draw people out from religion) and the author lacking in his basic understanding of Christianity. On my earlier TGD Commentary post I mentioned 3 areas where I feel these atheist authors have wandered off in their arguments. One of them was that they don't recognize the acknowledgement that Christianity gives to Satan, who is very much at work in the world, tempting us and lying to us in order to draw us away from the perfect creator. I am writing now because tonight I came across a comment made by the Greek scholar E. V. Rieu in his introduction to his translated work The Odyssey. It was very appropriate and explains what I was thinking in much better words that I could have assembled. It is this:

"...the Christian conception of godhead is based on our creation by God in his image and likeness, with imperfections introduced by Satan..."

he goes on to say that "Homer regards gods, though immortal, as made in the image and likeness of man." I like this statement about Christianity because it begins with God, where an understanding of the Christian worldview must begin. If the imperfections were introduced by Satan, they were done so in the form of temptation, which man so readily forfeited to, giving himself up to worldly pleasures. We separated ourselves from God. Adam and Eve did it and we have inherited their original sin and we also make our own decisions daily to pursue things which separate us from God. God has no malevolence. He does not wish to see us suffer. He also has complete power over the universe. So why does he continue to "let bad things happen?" Here's my answer: We let bad things happen. No, we pursued and we continue to pursue separation from our creator. (Remember that the definition of sin is separation from God.) This is why bad things happen. It's not in a direct punishment sort of a way as some Christians want everyone to believe. For example, some Christians have stated that Hurricane Katrina was inflicted by God as punishment for the debauchery that goes on in New Orleans during Mardis Gras. There are dozens of other ridiculous statements made about similar tragedies. While I know it does occur that God directly punishes peoples for particular sins (think Sodom and Gomorrah) I believe that most of the evil and suffering that is experienced in the world is simply a result of our fallen nature. A result of the general state of separation from the perfect being, our creator, God. This world is influenced by the great tempter and we choose to listen to him and not do what God wants us to do.

First we have to see God's holiness. God has certain attributes, and those attributes are where we get our definition of "good." He is perfect love, perfect patience, perfect justice, perfect kindness. He is purely himself and capable of creating physical realms and people with breath in their lungs. He cannot lie and he cannot deceive because those are not in his nature. Since God was the first being and everything has come out of his creative hands, he deserves to be worshipped for his awesomeness and inherent holiness. We are to give him praise and to have communion with him. Communion is a fancy word for "talking with and sharing your life with." God delights in this because he created us and he wants us to know our creator and to enjoy his goodness. He has set down certain guidelines that he wants us to follow because he knows they are good for us and that we will experience better lives if we do what he thinks we should do.

But people haven't always done what he says is best for us to do. Beginning with Adam and Eve human beings have sought our own purposes and our own ideas of what is "good." But anything that is outside of the creator, anything that isn't patient or kind or purely God, purely holy, separates us from Him. Given this, God must act in his perfect justice.

So the next thing we must see in the Christian worldview is justice. Of God's attributes, one is his perfect justice. He tells me to do something, I don't do it, so I have to face the consequences. It is perfectly just for him to say I must spend and eternity away from him because I have chosen to not measure up to his expectations. Just as we would be outraged if an irrefutable rapist were to be released back into the public by a judge at his court date, so would there be no justice if God let us off the hook on judgment day.

If I stopped telling the Christian worldview at this point I can understand how someone could see God as being cruel. However, this is a misunderstanding as well because it's not that God is cruel, but that he is just. Often it is an unjust God that people desire- they want to do whatever the heck they feel like doing at whatever time they feel like doing it, whether or not the Creator thinks it's best for them. Then, at the end of a long life of rebellion they expect this God to open his doors to them, even though they are completely unrepentant and not sorry for a thing they've done. Why is it that they say nasty things about God when they're told that he would close his doors on them if they approached him like that? But God is just, and he will exercise his perfect justice.

In the midst of all this creeps in our conscience. We have this recognition that there are good things that we're supposed to be doing, yet we discover that we cannot always live up to doing all those things. These good things that we feel we should do and the recognition that we can't do them comes from God because he has written his law on our hearts. Even if we try our absolute hardest though, we still find that we fail, and our hearts convict us of our failure. And if God is going to punish us in his justice for giving into those irresistible temptations, then he is a mean God, right? I understand if you think this. Thank God this isn't where the story ends.

In addition to God being absolutely holy and absolutely just, we find that God is absolutely merciful. He doesn't just leave us on our own to struggle to be perfect so that we can be accepted by him and have union with him. He sent his son, Jesus Christ, to take the blame, to become the object of God's wrath, in our place. Jesus lived a perfect life, just so that in the end God could use him instead of us to fulfill his justice. God's justice is still fulfilled because God punished Jesus for the separation we chose. We don't have to pay for the decision we continually have made to separate ourselves from the creator. Jesus paid it. But it doesn't stop at Justification. It continues to Propitiation, which J. I. Packer goes at great lengths to emphasize. Propitiation means that not only has Jesus taken our blame, but that we actually receive his blamelessness. It's what's called the Great Exchange. Jesus takes the blame we've incurred, and we get Jesus perfect life as our own. When we accept what Christ has done, God sees us as perfect and that allows us to be in His presence.

God is not a malevolent God for allowing suffering in the world. We have rebelled against the creator and brought suffering upon ourselves. God could have allowed us to make all the payments for our errant ways on our own, but he has chosen not to because he is good. He has provided a free way for us to make ourselves right with Him again, to have perfect union with our creator. All we have to do is accept what Jesus has done for us in being a propitiation for our sins.

Since we have a creator, what better thing is there than to know him, to desire to be like him, to please him, to talk with him, to enjoy the things he's given us? I have found no better endeavor on this planet than to share my life with the one who made me; to praise him for his awesomeness, to celebrate his goodness, and to thank him for his Son who allows me this union.

A conversation

Conversation with my friend Evan on aim:

LAFinginKambara (3:52:48 PM): I made myself an office
LAFinginKambara (3:53:00 PM): and wrote up my weekly schedule
LAFinginKambara (3:53:26 PM): cuz these first 8 weeks of class I've basically just been floating
LAFinginKambara (3:53:39 PM): I haven't really known what to do with my time
LAFinginKambara (3:53:51 PM): not knowing how to teach...or lesson plan...
LAFinginKambara (3:54:15 PM): So my schedule has blocks of time telling me exactly what to be doing at each hour of the workweek
theevman003 (3:54:37 PM): yeah it's good to do that sometimes
LAFinginKambara (3:54:45 PM): so now I think I can get much more done and feel like I'm accomplishing things, moving forward. A doggy-paddle at first
LAFinginKambara (3:55:03 PM): I think I'm going to write another blog post here before I go home
theevman003 (3:55:09 PM): at least it's not a cat paddle!
theevman003 (3:55:16 PM): *smiley*
LAFinginKambara (3:55:20 PM): haha
theevman003 (3:55:31 PM): the cat would probably drown
LAFinginKambara (3:55:35 PM): and cats get really mad when they're in the water
theevman003 (3:55:42 PM): yup
theevman003 (3:55:52 PM): yeah, cats hold grudges
theevman003 (3:55:57 PM): they kinda suck like that
LAFinginKambara (3:56:01 PM): I would try and lower my cat Yatzee into the tub and she would poke out all her claws
theevman003 (3:56:08 PM): lol
LAFinginKambara (3:56:12 PM): She tore a huge rip in the shower curtain once
theevman003 (3:56:25 PM): did she claw you to pieces?
LAFinginKambara (3:56:30 PM): that was when I was like 9 years old
theevman003 (3:56:33 PM): or just the shower curtain?
LAFinginKambara (3:56:39 PM): yeah, continuously
theevman003 (3:56:46 PM): so you were doing it basically because you thought it was funny?
theevman003 (3:56:47 PM): lol
LAFinginKambara (3:56:59 PM): the 3 of us kids would always get these raised scratches on our arms
LAFinginKambara (3:57:27 PM): he would lock onto your wrist with his front paws and then kick with his back paws while biting you
theevman003 (3:57:37 PM): wow
theevman003 (3:57:41 PM): that's ferocious
LAFinginKambara (3:57:55 PM): felineocious
theevman003 (3:58:02 PM): lol
theevman003 (3:58:52 PM): my dad took our cat once and launched it up into the air in our front yard because i didn't think they landed on their feet, so he grabbed the cat, and took him outside, and tossed him up in the air
theevman003 (3:58:54 PM): lol
theevman003 (3:59:00 PM): that cat was pissed
LAFinginKambara (3:59:14 PM): did it land on it's feet?
theevman003 (3:59:16 PM): yup
theevman003 (3:59:34 PM): and then it bolted far away as fast as it could
LAFinginKambara (3:59:43 PM): I would make yenti do flips so that she would land on her feet on our guest bed in the basement
theevman003 (3:59:55 PM): lol
LAFinginKambara (4:00:01 PM): one hand under her chest, one on the back of her back legs
LAFinginKambara (4:00:18 PM): then you just swing her back legs under her body and let her drop
LAFinginKambara (4:00:38 PM): I timed it wrong a couple of times and she landed right on her back
theevman003 (4:00:45 PM): eek!
LAFinginKambara (4:00:58 PM): naw, she's still alive 12 years later
LAFinginKambara (4:01:07 PM): minus a lot of hair and skin on her stomach
LAFinginKambara (4:01:11 PM): but that's her own fault
theevman003 (4:01:49 PM): huh
theevman003 (4:01:53 PM): what'd she do?
LAFinginKambara (4:02:15 PM): licked it a lot
theevman003 (4:02:59 PM): ah
theevman003 (4:03:37 PM): so are you glad you're in Japan right now?
LAFinginKambara (4:05:26 PM): yeah, I mean, I miss Eau Claire and my friends a lot, and it would be nice to be able to communicate with my co-workers, but this is definitely an adventure

Burnt Pizza

I hesitate to include the word "pizza" at all in this title since what I burned hardly qualifies as such.

I biked to the grocery store today in the rain to brush up my stock of edible food items. There are basically 2 main grocery store options near my apartment. There's Max Value (pronounced "makusu baru") one train stop away and "taiyo-" about an 8 min. bike ride the opposite direction. Max Value is much like a Cub Foods or Rainbow, except it carries quite a different assortment of food products. I was actually thinking outloud with my volunteer Japanese teacher last night about grocery shopping and came to the realization that they probably have many more of the same items that they have back in the states, it's just that I can't read a lot of the product labels. I couldn't even tell tonight if one particular brand of milk came from a cow or from a soy bean. Tonight I had chosen to go to taiyo- because I was in a hurry for time, and though smaller, it has in my opinion a better selection of food. Everything in the store is so close together; I feel surrounded by walls of food and that makes me feel warm inside.

I didn't always feel this way. At first, grocery shopping felt a lot more like browsing in a bait-shop. Where one would normally find the fresh cuts of beef there was sea life (sea death?) of all kinds: large and small squid, shrimp, sakura shrimp, octopus, sanma, salmon, tuna and dozens other varieties that I had never seen before. I would just pass right on by to the dehydrated, boxed food section and take my picks from the yakisoba to the dry curry or ramen. This got old really, really fast so I knew I had to change my diet or leave Japan. I next moved on to frozen dinners. This was an improvement since some of the items were sorta fresh and I could add them to rice to make it less boring. Yeah, that's pretty much where I stopped progressing in dinner quality, the frozen part. But tonight, all that came to its impetuous end like a free fall to pavement. I bought a sanma.

I really don't know anything about the fish, but I'm pretty sure I had sanma sashimi at chokkura, a local Kambara izakaya. I don't know how to cut it or even if it's sashimi grade but there it is, lying in my refrigerator. In a bag, of course. I picked it up out of the ice bucket at taiyo- with a kitchen utensil and placed it in a clear plastic bag. The advertisement over the bucket had "100 yen" with a line through it, displaying a price of 80 yen, or about 75 cents. I really couldn't resist this, even if the fish stayed in my fridge for several days and then I threw it out because it started to smell bad. I am determined to eat like a normal person (wow that sounded oxymoronic - normal to this country at least) and I will continue to buy my silvery long friend until he is properly prepared and satisfactorily in my stomach.

Another thing that has really surprised me is how little it grosses me out to be touching him. I have always loathed fishing; I hate touching the things, I hate how they flop, I hate it when their spinys stick into my hand and I hate that dense squishy feel they have once they've died on shore. But now after eating so many fish, after so many unseeing eyeballs staring back at me while I munch on their flesh, I have to say fish are becoming appealing. Not so small a role has their deliciousness played in my warming to them. Fish aren't so bad. I actually view the meat section of the grocery store with curiosity now, leaning my head slightly forward to study the various meats and lifeless bodies. Sometime soon I'm going to ask one of my JTEs to take me to the grocery store just to point out the various products and give me some insight into how to prepare them. I will take a notebook and make categories for what types of things should be boiled, fried, deep fried, steamed, toaster-ovened or grilled. I will also ask what items can be eaten whole and which ones must be disemboweled first.

Sakura ebi (the little pink shrimp this area of Shizuoka is so well known for) can pretty much be prepared in any way. I have had them sauteed along with vegetables over rice, deep fried in a large bundle (I bit away with no discretion for head or tail) and baked into battered onion rings. Brian, the ALT at the middle school here in Kambara, said he went on a boat ride with his students out in the ocean on a sakura fishing vessel. There the fisherman scooped up handfuls of live ebi and tossed them to the kids who gleefully chomped them whole, grinding them in their teeth and enjoying the lot of it. Brian had a few too and he said it was really weird swallowing them because the feelers are really long and they tickled his throat.

I didn't buy any sakura ebi this time. I had enough perishable items to get through in the next couple days already in my basket so I moved on. As to the pizza, I couldn't pass up the chance for this frozen delight. The package I bought contained what at first glance looked like pizza barges, but once I got them home I found they were of a much more "homemade" variety. The crust of each was a slice of white bread. On top of this was a thinly spread layer of pizza sauce and the cheese was speckled so thinly that half the surface was red. On top of each slice was a 3 cm x 3 cm square of bacon and one tiny slice of pepperoni. It was sad really. I wanted to bake it and eat it immediately- not because I was hungry but because I wanted to put it out of its misery. So I popped a couple of pieces in my new toaster over (had to test her out at least) and turned the dial. After a few minutes of not realizing it wasn't plugged in, I readjusted and set it to 240W. I waited 15 min. with not much effect. The cheese didn't seem to be melting, but that very well could have been because the cheese wasn't the melting kind. And there was nothing for the cheese to really melt with. I turned the knob up to the next setting of 1000W and let it sit for a couple of minutes while reading BBC News. A quick peak and a sniff told me the 1000W had done 'er in. I told myself that I like my pizza well done (my friends can attest to this) and chuckled to myself as I thought about my roommate Andy's rolls.

Hopefully next time it will be the smell of cooking sanma flooding my nostrils; may it come in any fashion.

Sleepover

Now, I’ve never been married before, so I know I’m not an authority on this, but marriage has gotta be cool because pretty much it’s like getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every night. I was thinking about this as I lay in bed earlier this evening (night) and had to get up and type it because I was getting really excited thinking about it. It started when I was laying there and I had something to say, but no one next to me to tell it to, and then I was thinking about the sweet sleepovers I would have with my friend Chris Sanford when I was in grade school and we would both sleep in his twin sized bed with his dog Gabby at the foot and Chris would usually hog all the blankets at some point of the night so I ended up waking up a dozen times and my legs would get cramped because I couldn’t stretch them out cuz Gabby was in the way. When we got older we would sleep down in his TV room on top of the couch cushions that we had pulled down onto the floor, usually retiring after a rousing game of Spot for Sega Genesis. Chris would always sleep wearing a T-shirt and I could never understand this because when I tried to sleep in a T-shirt it would always get twisted in my sleep and tug at my skin and wake me up. Sleepovers are great and I think every kid loves them. The best was when I got to have a sleep over on a school night, because I rarely got to do this. We would stay up real late and then have to get up real early to get dressed for school and then be tired all day at class. And by class I mean the one, full-day class we had because we were in elementary school. Yeah, that’s pretty much right on – if I had to explain marriage to a 10 year old I would say it’s just like having a sleepover with your best friend every night. Then I’d watch how wide his eyes would get.

And it’s a good way of explaining it to myself too. I think there’s probably more to it than just that, having had a taste of the world I can see there being some sort of responsibility involved. Ever since I’ve gotten older I keep finding that that “r” word is associated with more and more aspects of life. But a big part of it has got to be giddiness, a smile that won’t go away, a close your eyes and laugh to yourself cuz you can’t believe it’s true, that there’s a real live girl lying next to you in your bed. And then you turn over and she’s smiling at you too and then she says she has something to say and is glad that she’s on a sleepover so that she can tell it to someone.

When I get married, it’s going to be to my best friend. It can’t be soon because right now my best friend is a boy and I’m not gay. But someday, I’ll meet a girl and we’ll start spending time together and she’ll think I’m cool and I’ll think she’s pretty great and then I’ll make my moves and she’ll swoon and we’ll have a lot of stuff to talk about and she’ll think I’m funny. And I’ll get along with her parents.

God’s got me working on a lot of things right now. We’ve been talking a lot the past year and a half now. It started out of desperation and a realization that I was dying, decaying really, on the inside and finally realized it. Through it all I gained a very trustworthy friend who always listens and gives really good advice. I know he’s brought me here and moved me into an apartment all on my own to let me learn how to live with myself and love myself and take out the trash and wash my dishes and pay my bills all by myself. I’ve realized that this has to be a prelude to loving another and treating her right. I must love God with all my heart and lean on his understanding and his leadership and be an example of his steadfast love for the church. Then I must feed myself properly and feed my spiritual stomach and shave regularly.

All this I am learning to do while on my own. Maybe that’s the bigger challenge between it and living in Japan. Someone during Tokyo Orientation mentioned that to me and I hadn’t thought about it before, but it hit hard when she said it. She said that not only was this her first time living in Japan, but it was her first time living on her own in an apartment, without roommates and without friends living nearby. This could very well be Boston or Salem or Miami. Yet being in a new language certainly has its further barriers. It makes you turn to the inside of your own head even more.

I love it here not only for the crazy and unique way of living that I’m discovering people have, but because I get to be with me and get to learn how to love myself. I get to start turning that outwards too, because love isn’t a selfish task. There’s no limit to it and it doesn’t run out. There’s no love meter that swings to empty when all the love’s been spent. The more I put into loving myself, the more I’m able to genuinely turn to the guy next to me and with no selfish motivation help him. It’s a joy to live for others when I’m completely unconcerned with my own needs. Not because my needs no longer exist but because they’re being met by God’s love and the love I now am giving myself.

Now it’s late; I’ve stayed up an extra hour writing, but it was good to write this and I feel better for it than I would have with the hour of sleep. Lord, you know my prayers, so for now I’m going to climb back into that empty bed with all the excitement of a 10 year old, waiting in anticipation of the greatest sleepover while still knowing that life right now is grand. ;-)

Writing

I've written this before, and I'll say it again now. Happiness is not a good author, so I may be brief. I also may have prematurely spoken cuz this might get long. Also I didn't think about love poems.

Well, I found in my journal at least that I tend to not write when I'm feeling for the most part satisfied with life and my day to day activities. Maybe this will be good practice for me to write consistently so that I can learn to portray more than just the "emo" spectrum of emotion. So is that the "tion" spectrum?

Life is good and I'm feeling tion.

Today I signed Sarah up for soba for my lunch. The other week I had signed up for soba only to return from teaching a class to find my soba half digested by Sarah. I was like, "Oh, did you sign up for soba today?" And she was like, "....yeah....wait...." Then we went to the kitchen and looked at the list. I had signed up for soba for myself for that day, while Sarah had signed up Watanabe-sensei for the following day, and then ate my lunch. "Sa-ryo!"

So to make up for it Sarah said I could sign her up for soba some day and then eat that lunch. And she quickly erased Watanabe's soba star before they put in the orders for the next day. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I realized I could order "special" obentos for lunch. The regular ones are quite delicious and facinating as you can probably tell from my copious amounts of obento photographs. Soba is one such special choice. Now that I finally got to try some, I will tell you about my experience.

Soba is a type of noodle. Don't ask me how it's made or even what it's made of, because I don't know. I often will eat yakisoba which is soba fried along with some kind of sauce and lettuce, but just plain soba usually comes cold. In my obento box were 7 little compartments, each with a small pile of soba loosely bound together by its own sticky nature. They appeared slightly larger than bite size; however, each noodle was difficult to sever entirely from the pack using only chopsticks. I was having a bit of a time with the first couple of piles, especially when it came to the part where I had to dip the noodles in a pool of (water and soy sauce and vinegar? Actually, I'm not sure. Sarah is telling me right now that you'll often find that each particular food in Japan comes with its own "sauce." She says that they're pretty much all made up of the same ingredients in different proportions.) Also in this pool I had cracked a tiny speckled egg raw and stirred it up. So between the noodles falling all over the place, the sauce splashing over my desk, and the egg, I decided it was a good time to ask my kyoto-sensei how I was to eat this mess.

He started rattling off Japanese (I think he was showing off) of which I caught not a word. Noticing my blank stare he called over one of the English teachers to translate. Through the translation I learned that I was supposed to eat the whole thing in one bite and that I had to make slurping noises to get the last bits of noodle that were hanging down over my plate up into my mouth. The command for "make slurping noises" is "zuuzuu shimasu" (I asked Kenmotsu-sensei for the spelling) and is just one of the thousands of Japanese onomatopoeia. I must have heard kyoto sensei tell me to "zuuzuu" 4 or 5 times. He then added that if I wanted to do it the "European" way then I could cut it in half and make no noises. But to be fully Japanese, I must take it all in one bite and zuuzuu.

So my meal was over in 7 bites basically leaving a rumbling tummy for the rest of the afternoon. Next time I order soba (if there is a next time), I won't be too gutted if Sarah eats it. :-)