I was sitting in my livingroom yesterday reading a book when I heard this sharp buzzing coming from my computer. I was almost finished with the book, so I didn't want to get up and investigate. As I read though, the combination of buzzing plus worry for my machine made it difficult to concentrate. I hurried through the last few pages of George W. Bush's second term in office (I was reading a U.S. history book) and got up to check out my computer. When I got close though I found that the noise wasn't coming from it. I turned to the kitchen and radared my ears about, settling on the stove. This was also a serious realization because if it was a gas leak it had now been going for some time and maybe I should get out of the house. I turned the pipe off. The sound continued. Now my ear went to the vent leading outside. I opened my sliding door and it hit me: cicadas. "Oh no, it's only March," I thought. I was waking up to these guys in September. My only hope is that we'll get a real cold spate and all the cicadas will die. And their children.

If not though, I suppose I'll get used to their chorus like I have with the prefectural highway that runs 40 meters from my head. I'll just hope for harmony when their undulating sounds mix in the summer heat.

Marriage

A twenty-four year old, not-currently-dating, bachelor’s thoughts on love and marriage:


When I was younger I used to think that dating and getting married was about finding the right person. When the “are you dating someone?” question was posed to me, I would answer, “no, I haven’t found the right person yet.” In college I got involved with a Christian ministry and through them I heard a new adage: “Getting married is not about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person.” The reasoning behind this seemed to make sense. This statement takes into consideration the duration of marriage and how feelings cannot carry you all the way through. I’ve heard it said that the “honeymoon period” of a marriage lasts about 8 months to 2 ½ years. After that it can be downright hard work to remain in love at times. So it partially means that one has to work at being married rather than relying on the “compatibility” to carry both through.

This collegiate statement also was getting at the fact that one needs to have their own self-identity settled and be comfortable being single before looking for a spouse. This is related to another thing I heard several times: “If you’re not happy as a single person, you can’t expect to be happy simply by dating.” Be ok with who you are before introducing that self to another person.

Lastly, this statement means to be on the right path in the pursuit of God and to be continually submitting to Him. Marriage is meant to be a reflection of the Gospel – a reflection of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for the church (Eph 5:25-33).

As good and pure as these things are, I was always a little uncomfortable with marriage being defined as being “not about finding the right person…” Really what this statement lends itself to is the conclusion that any two people in the world could get married and it would work out. I actually heard this conclusion made explicitly. I believe that one should work at marriage, that he and she should be comfortable with their own identities and certainly that they both should center the relationship on Christ. But when it’s said that it doesn’t matter who you find, I see that as being detrimental to the future relationship. It’s like saying to your spouse, “I could have married anyone really, it was more convenience that anything else. However, I’m working extra hard to make this work – (love is a verb, right?) – that’s what it’s about. Don’t you agree my 1-in-a-5 wife?” It’s saying to your spouse that they’re not special. It takes the pursuit right out of it.

I have recently made my own statement about marriage building upon the things I have heard, learned and experienced: Marriage is about being the right person for the person you find. This retains all the good advice and Godly things about being the right person without ditching the serendipity (I can’t believe I found you!), or the giddy feelings of love (I can’t even eat…), or the draw of her beauty (My jaw literally dropped when I saw you) or the pursuit (I will fight for you, climb the highest tower for you…).

And it also speaks to the unique relationship offered by the other person. Marriage or relationships can’t be successful simply by following a pattern set out by a Christian manual or series of sermons. This person in your life is an individual with their own dreams and fears, their own glories and failures, their own story and experience of life. Through it all it’s her you’re responding to, it’s him you’re answering, it’s her you’re cherishing in all her glorious uniqueness.

In the past I’ve sat on the sidelines and waited for the right person to come along, I’ve been complacent with the people I’ve found, I’ve been the wrong person and sought selfish gains, and I’ve failed to pursue or to cherish or to celebrate what makes a person special. So I’m going to be different from here on, I’m going to follow my new found mantra, I’m going to build people up in love rather than tearing them down. And when I find that woman I’m going to pursue her with everything as I strive to be the man of her dreams. And if it’s right she’ll be so glad to have found me too.

God, bless this. Be everything to me and all I need. Be my best friend and my constant collocutor.

“I will fight for you, climb the highest tower for you” taken from Bradley Hathaway’s “Manly Man.”

Ordinary

Let me explain to you what it’s like to live in a different country.

Imagine this scenario:

You’re sitting in your living room reading a book as day turns to dusk; it’s getting darker. So you get up, get a lamp and plug it into the wall. You continue reading.

Simple, right? Not too much thinking involved? This is a very ordinary part of anyone’s day, and requires very little brain energy to accomplish. However, let me explain to you how I am experiencing this scenario:

I’m sitting in my house and I would like a little more light. So I take my lamp sent from the US and go to plug it into the wall. However, upon inspection I find that my lamp’s plug has 3 prongs while the outlet only has 2 holes. I look around my room but all the outlets have only 2 holes. I look in the rest of my house but cannot find a 3 pronged outlet. Even the washer and refrigerator only have 2 prongs. I then go through my assortment of extension cords and power strips but find nothing there that can help me. So now I have to go to my town’s Walmart-esque store to look for an adapter. So on my way home from school I make a detour to stop by the store. Here I peruse the aisles and don’t find a proper adapter. Now I have to find an employee and try and formulate some kind of sentence to get him to understand my request. I end up walking him to an outlet in the store and describing in motions my problem. He walks me to a different selection, but there are still no “3 to 2” adapters. I’ve now spent considerable time in my quest to plug something in, and am back to square one. I now have to think about what other stores might sell adapters. So I ask around for some suggestions. I have to write the names of these stores down because they have crazy names that I won’t be able to remember. None of these stores is in my city, so I have to try and figure out where they’re located. I discover that both stores are right next to each other somewhere in Shizuoka City. This is all I know at present. I now have to figure out where exactly these stores are. I’ll look at maps, formulate some sentences for directions that I can ask in Japanese, look up train times and bus schedules, figure out what bus stop I need to get off at, and find out the stores’ hours. All in Japanese of course. Then I’ll have to clear some time in my schedule to go down there and make sure I stop by an ATM before I go (my own banks’ ATM charges me a fee after 6pm) so that I’m sure I have enough money since I have to pay for everything in cash. And since I haven’t done any of these new things yet, who knows what other misadventures are awaiting me upon my embarkment.

So now you can see what kinds of things I have to think about while living in a different country. And this is only 1 episode. Imagine stories like this for cooking food, doing laundry or taking a shower. These “simple” things occupy my time, tax my energy and fill my mental capacities. It can be busy work just moving through an ordinary day here.

So please, the next time you plug something into the wall, don’t take it for granted. Step back and appreciate the simplicity of that activity, that you were able to do so much with so little effort, and realize that now you are able to use your energy to accomplish greater things.

I stop by the shoe lockers on my way out of school. Here I keep my "outside" shoes during the workday when I'm wearing my knock-off crocs. Street shoes aren't allowed anywhere in the school, and if I want to enter the gym I need a second pair of indoor shoes kept in yet another set of shoe lockers. Each small lockless locker has its owner's name pasted on the outside. Mine simply reads: "Luther." My last name is used by very few people (and misspelled, even in their own alphabet when it is) and as for the rest of my school I don't think they even know I have a last name. I'm kind of like a one name celebrity. Like Sting or Bono or....Cher. (shudder)...ok I don't want to think of myself like that anymore.

I won't even get into the inconveniences that having a middle name has caused me.

So I guess one name will suffice for the time being. But, if you are one of those people back home who knows my name - really knows it - and can pronounce it correctly, I'd love to hear you say it some time. Heck, you could just write it and draw a little picture of those words coming out of your mouth. I'd be happy.