Back Baby

I've lost the will to read. I think my facebook profile says I'm reading 9 books right now or something like that. I just don't have it in me right now. Maybe I'm just in shock from being back. I realized here just a day ago that I am really here for the long haul. That this is my home now. When I was back in America over winter break it felt like the past 5 months in Japan were a vacation. I lived in America, I went to Japan for 5 months, then I came back to America. But wait, what? Now I'm in Japan again. How did that happen? What am I doing back here? Oh yeah - those 2 weeks in America, that was my vacation. Now who knows, I might not see my homeland again for a year-and-a-half.

I remember singing "O Home Beloved" in Brazil (over 2 years ago now!) and crying, thinking about my home so many miles away. And that was only after being gone for 10 days. The Odyssey rings more true in my mind now too, thinking about Odysseus' longing for his homeland. During his 20 years abroad that was his continuous thought - Ithaca. Man has such a longing for his birthland, his people, his origins.

On my harrowing journey back to Kambara from the airport in Narita I stood behind a guy who was wearing a backpack with his name in sharpie marker across the back. His last name ended in "stad" and it made me keep reading through his address....Norway! The guy was Norwegian! It made me very happy because he looked like me. Norwegians are awesome because we are very strong and good at the javelin. I'm going to practice the javelin throw and get very good because I've got all the potential in the world backing me up.

On a related note, I went back to the Doctor's today for a requested follow-up to my checkup a month and a half ago. I was a little nervous, because I never fully understand what's going on with anything in the first place, and now they're telling me something about an irregular pulse and they have to test me after exercise. I kept checking my pulse the past couple days to see if I could notice anything irregular, but I didn't know what I was looking for, so I decided to just take some deep breaths and try to live healthily for the 48 hours before my checkup.

Again I show up at the wrong door of the Hospital and get personally redirected by a nice secretary to find the same non-English speaking nurses who don't really know what to do with me, so I get escorted around some more. The "exercise" consisted of walking up and over this box 24 times then laying on a bed where the nurse put a hundred clamps on my body and told me to lie still for 3 minutes. They had taken my pulse before the "exercise" as well, so I had a printout with several feet of jagged blip marks to show the doctor in the other room.

He told me that I had a slow pulse - fewer than 60 pulses after the exercise. Then he also said that my heart beats quickly for a few beats, then slowly for a few beats, then quickly again, then slowly. He showed me the map to prove it. He was right. There were a bunch of the lightning bolt things in groups spaced out by periods of.....encroaching death?

I was kind of worried though the Doctor told me "shinpai nai" (don't worry). I understood the Japanese, but I just don't really feel like being comfortable unless I can hear it in English. I had him repeat again and again that there was no problem with my slow heartbeat. I asked him if I would die early and he said no. I asked him if I could still play sports, and he said that "for example" a marathon would be fine because the slower the heartbeat, the better. If I'm actually totally fine, and slower is better, then I can't figure out why they called me back in for further tests. Why was I there? Why was I having this meeting if I'm totally fine? Why the serious demeanor? It's like, "Well, you're a freak, and this here on your chart looks pretty abnormal (let's circle it in red pen) and I'll have you in for some more tests, but you're totally fine! Don't worry about it!"

It reminds me of the Brian Regan bit about going to the eye doctor. The eye doctor says to Brian, "Did you know that your right eye is slightly higher than your left eye?"
"No, I didn't know that...is that bad?"
"No, it doesn't affect your vision at all."
And then Brian's like, "What was that? 'Oh no, you're fine, I just want you to feel self-conscious for the rest of your life.'"

So I was feeling pretty sorry for myself Monday and Tuesday this week. I sat in my house and literally did nothing. Well, I went grocery shopping and cooked dinner both nights, but other than that I sat on my but and felt culture shocked. I didn't even unpack my suitcase. It's finally hitting me. It started the week before coming home. Then I think I was just really ready to see my family and friends again. I was sick of being 10,000 km away and not being able to hop in a car and see people.

Wednesday morning I woke up and was standing in the shower when I recognized this as culture shock. Then I actually got happy. "There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just culture shocked. It's totally normal. I think I can move on now." I got up the motivation and unpacked by bag and put away all my clothes Wednesday night. I don't need to feel perfect, I just need to know that I'm normal. (Besides my pulse, I guess, heh, heh). That things are going like they should.

Slow pulses might make good marathon runners, but I'm hoping that they also make good genski (scooter) riders as well. I'm buying one as soon as I get confirmation about the international driver's license law (I got one over break) and I find one for under $400. I've found that I could get a brand new one for under $1,000, but I'm looking for a slightly different model...like 8 years ago's model.