A Flight Log

Written in flight on my way to the US from Japan. Dec. 15, 2008....


Now I remember why I don't like Northwest. I had this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind when I saw that Northwest logo next to the online cheapest price - that NWA with the red arrow staring back - sort of like coaxing you onward but at the same time screaming STOP!

I'm about a third of the way into my flight and it's been all fairly comfortable and all - luckily my year and a half in Japan has made me quite accustomed to hanging out in cramped places for long periods of time. I think this realization came on with that nostalgic 1970s in-flight atmosphere only a northwest 747-400 can provide. When I flew into Japan well over a year ago with AA, each seat had its own personal screen and you could choose to watch 1 of several movies starting every 20 min. or so. (Last winter when I flew the movies would even start as soon as you selected them). Not on this flight though. I'm almost in a corner so I have a sharp angled view of 3 screens, each with their own unique malfunctions. The projection screen is one with the 3 separate colors shining from 3 angles. Except the colors aren't exactly lined up. Now I know this is Christmas time, but do I have to see Merrel Streep dancing and singing in Red and Green AND Blue? Op - and she just jumped off the dock in all her clothes. I looked up in the booklet to see what movies would be playing on this flight: "For those lucky souls traveling from Tokyo to Minneapolis we will be showing Mamma Mia! and The Women." I'm not sure who did the customer analysis for NW, but it surprises me that they get mostly middle-aged ladies on this leg of the journey. The second tv nearest me is overplaying the red on the right of the screen, so anyone appearing on that side looks like they have a terrible sunburn. And judging by the size of the third one, I'm pretty sure it's somebody's ipod stuck up on the wall so that they can watch it without holding it.

I just got back from the broom-closet bathroom and found it fully "manual." I even had to drain the sink by pushing on a lever that lifted the plug in the bottom.

Probably one of the more sadder moments already came (I hope) when a young girl 2 rows in front of me called the flight attendant over with the problem that her seat wouldn't go back any further, only to be told that was all the further her seat went. The seats truly recline to an almost negligable angle. I don't know why they ever bother telling people to return their seats "to the upright position." EVERY position is an upright position. It kind of makes the preflight comfort literature laughable. I read it all trying to kill our taxiing time. Dr. so-and-so was going on and on about back stress and how you should keep your seat at the optimal 135-degree angle for your spine during the flight. I'd be lucky if my seat could break 93. (Uh oh, turbulence...I'll just pretend I'm in a non-reclining massage chair. A 160-dollar-an-hour massage chair...*sob*).

Speaking of adjusting - there was also a nice 1970s-esque video that had advice for adapting/getting used to the new time zone. I had no idea it was so simple, but aparantly there's just 3 things you need to do: 1) "Spend time outdoors everyday." Ok. This is the flight to Minneapolis in the dead of winter. The estimated landing temperature is -15. My entire outdoor time this vacation is labeled "neccessary transit only" and that whole time I'm reassessing ways to get to the next indoor place quicker. 2) "Drink plenty of fluids." ... and fluids do what for adjusting to the fact that the sun will be coming up at my dinner time? 3) This one was the gem. The words appeared one by one on the screen: "Take...Time...For...YOURSELF." Take time and make it your slave! The clock says 3 in the morning. NOPE! This is LUNCHTIME! "I know that clock says I'm supposed to be at the Christmas Party right now, but I'm taking time for myself! I'm going fishing!

Well, I'm picking this journal up again while we're landing here to help me take my mind off my popping ears. It's been a loooong flight, but at least I could lean a bit on the empty seat next to me and sleep some. At any rate, despite the ups and downs (literally) I know I got a better deal on this Northwest flight than all those passengers around me because I farted the entire 6,000 miles home and I can't smell.

So long to Northwest for now; however, with my long distance locked into their frequent flyer program, it might not be too long until I'm coaxed back by that arrow, albeit red, for another adventure.

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